This post tells me I need to move to Georgia.
Five out of six is very good, thanx for the laughs.
#3, however, is much older than dirt - Rodney Dangerfield did that joke (wife, not Bubba) over 40 years ago...
The NC one is a bit of a stretch. Flayers does not sound anyway like Flahrs... ;-)
Texas- man drives into a No U Turn and gets pulled over- officer says “Didn’t you see the sign?” Man says “I sure did- that’s why i turned, and I didn’t even want to turn, i wanted to go straight, but the sign said “No, You turn””
Southern man complained about a sign that said “Stop Ahead” man stopped, looked, but didn’t see no stinkin head- false advertising
What does a Oklahoma tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
Someone is fixing to lose a trailer.
My step father in Oklahoma liked this joke....
Did you hear about the Aggie that moved from Texas to Oklahoma?
Yeah. He raised the IQ levels in BOTH states.
Why’d you leave out the Heart of Dixie?
Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.
Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they’re afraid of Alabama Power.
Q. What’s the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles
With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit “Survivor”, Alabamans have made their own version. Contestants are given pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, “I’m gay, I’m a yankee, and I’m here to steal your guns!” First one back wins. They’ve played several times. As of yet, no one has won.
bkmk
Southern Baptists, after many years of research, came to the conclusion that the Three Wise Men were fire fighters.
They had all just come from a far.
Number 1 was used on the Frasier show, of all places.
That is Roz’s response to a rich guy when he asked for a discount on Christmas paper she was selling for her daughter.
It’s a darn funny line though, wherever it is used.
Only she said, “everything but my bracelet.”
As the man removed the lugs from the wheel with the flat he placed them in a tray from his trunk, left there by his wife when she returned from a bridal shower. As the man removed the last lug, he stood up and proclaimed, "There, all five are off." But he accidentally stepped on the edge of the disc and the four lug nuts in the tray were flipped into the roadside canal and lost.
As the man cursed under his breath, he wondered out loud, "How am I gonna get to Selma now with just one lug nut?"
The man sitting on the wall suggested, "Why not take one lug from the other three wheels then secure the spare with the one in your hand and the three borrowed from the other wheels?"
The driver was amazed and knew it would let him drive to where he could get extra lug nuts. "So I don't get it," he offered to the man atop the wall, "That idea is brilliant, so why are you in that Asylum?"
As the man on the wall prepared to jump back down and return to the asylum he explained, "Oh I'm crazy fer shur, but I anin't stupid."
As a proud southerner I find these funny. Anyone who is “striving for equality” can start by laughing at jokes about the group they identify with. Until you can do that, you aren’t my equal - and I can’t do anything to fix that problem for you.
Here’s a Pacific NW joke: A newcomer to Seattle asks a kid if it ever stops raining here and the kid says “How do I know? I’m only six”
You may be interested in this thread. :-)
“He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help.”
First clue that the joke was not made up by a Southerner. No Southerner never, ever, looks at an individual and addresses him/her as “Y’all”.
On occasion, if he does, it refers to the individual, directly, as a representative of a group, such as family, church members, etc.
Thanks for a few smiles amid a turbulent world.
The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor’s dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
He calls animal control. Animal control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 for testing it for diseases. The governor goes to the hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.
The running trail gets shut down for six months while the California Fish and Game Department conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals. The governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a ‘coyote awareness program’ for residents of the area. The Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world. The governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training, re: the nature of coyotes. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
The governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and tries to attack him and his dog. The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.
The governor spent 50 cents on a .380-caliber, hollow-point cartridge. Buzzards ate the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
i don’t like this guy- but this bit about southerners was really funny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swtJkovAP_k
Southern jokey thread.