Posted on 12/28/2018 12:28:26 AM PST by Robwin
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Taking on a previously unregulated weapon, the federal government has instituted a five-day waiting period for all Nerf guns. “We decided it was time to act when we noticed how large the ammo is,” explained bureaucrat Joseph Clarkson. “The darts it fires are far larger than the average bullet, which must mean it’s a far deadlier weapon... as far as we understand things or care to understand things.”
Nerf guns use air to fire foam darts at velocities so high that, if used improperly, they could “really, really irritate someone.” Kids will often purchase Nerf guns when the urge to have fun suddenly overtakes them, but regulators hope this new waiting period will give them time to “cool-off” and “maybe decide to read a book or something instead.” In addition, the purchaser will undergo a background check to make sure he is not the sort of kid who would use the Nerf gun to “shoot a cat in the face.”
Nerf guns use air to fire foam darts at velocities so high that, if used improperly, they could “really, really irritate someone.” Kids will often purchase Nerf guns when the urge to have fun suddenly overtakes them, but regulators hope this new waiting period will give them time to “cool-off” and “maybe decide to read a book or something instead.” In addition, the purchaser will undergo a background check to make sure he is not the sort of kid who would use the Nerf gun to “shoot a cat in the face.”
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
I’m surprised that no one has established a minimum age for lawn darts yet.
I remember having a pneumatic gun that shot ping pong balls when I was a kid in the 1950’s.
Won’t be too far fetched if the Left has their way.
>>I’m surprised that no one has established a minimum age for lawn darts yet.
91
How about rocks? A rock is a large heavy object that can be thrown at high velocities and have been known to kill people, after all, let’s face it in the Middle East they still stone people to death.
I think there should be a mandatory back ground check and dangerous weapons permit required before anyone can order a load of gravel for their driveway.
Contractors using such dangerous materials for road construction should be required to keep people a safe distance, much like they do when blasting, to prevent people from killing one another.
Satire... for now.
Gee Whiz, John. How come you have been singled out and forced to add the word (Satire) to your pieces.
I guess Jim just doesn’t like you as much as he does other satirists.
I wondered who felt the need to add "satire" at the beginning of the actual title which I used. Was that really necessary? Really? And who is John?
John is John Semmens, a FReeper for many years who writes great satire. A few years ago he was required by the PTB here at FR to put the word “satire” in his headers because some obtuse FReepers didn’t like “wasting their time” reading his work. Fact of the matter is, they were just embarrassed by their own gullibility.
Problem is, once the word is included in the header, the article looses its impact.
When I posted my #12, the spoiler word had not yet been added.
Seriously, dude?
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