Posted on 10/12/2021 12:15:39 PM PDT by xp38
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A hot new Silicon Valley startup allows you to send someone to loot stores in San Francisco and other Democrat-controlled cities with no laws against looting. You can loot from the comfort of your home with just a few simple steps on the app.
"Want to loot a bunch of stuff from Walgreens, but don't want to turn off your Netflix show? Try LootDash!" said LootDash CEO Dirk Hendersen. "Our professional LootDashers are ready and waiting to go steal some stuff from whatever stores you want. Just remember to be generous with your tips!"
LootDash offers a full selection of stores, from pharmacies and big-box retailers to local mom-and-pop businesses. You can even sort the results by race so you know you're looting a white-owned store and not harming a black-owned business with your LootDash order.
"Want us to bust into Best Buy and get a few Xbox Ones? No problem! Just put in your LootDash order and you'll have your pallet full of Xbox systems in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed!"
LootDash charges a small delivery fee for each looting run, but you can sign up for LootPass to waive delivery fees on hauls of a certain dollar value or higher.
This will be true in short order.
The Bee is no longer satire, it’s prophesy.
Can I send Nancy Pelosi?
They know that. They have a prophecy fulfilled segment in their podcast. It’s often a real stretch but funny and scary at the same time.
I almost fell for it....almost!
I sorta wish this was true.
It would be great fun to send some miscreants out to loot stuff from WOKE establishments...lol
i.e. A few tubs of ice cream from Ben and Jerry’s or a bunch of stuff from any pharmacy that refused to sell Ivermectin.
I’d opt for the LootPass
Next out, “Poopdash”!
Where you can request someone to poop on a certain location in SF
OMG!
You are right. I started reading this and the Bee didn’t even enter my mind. Sad sign of the times.
I have been predicting Crime Tourism in California cities.
You take a bus to LA or SF. The company drives the tourists around, they steal less than $950 per store, the company takes them and their loot back to the bus, and they go home.
Some cities already have “The Purge” on a nightly basis.
What happens if you accidentally steal something over the limit? :)
You get a court appointed lawyer and a trial date 2 years out which is immediately cancelled and all charges dropped.
p
I prefer SmashNGrub....................
Above $950, it isn’t a misdemeanor any more, the cops might actually show up.
Yes but what happens when the Loot-Dasher decides to keep the items you paid them to loot?
Let’s Go Bee
Now that's funny. It's funny because it's so close to being true.
OMF I thought this was true! The Bee does it again! LOL
there’s an app for that???
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