Posted on 11/23/2021 6:11:14 AM PST by sodpoodle
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."...
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
So, the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. Now, you've been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite counter tops."
1974
Year or inches?
Go with the Granite. All else is folly.
😂😂😂 heard it before, but until we began redoing our kitchen it was not as funny. Now, it explains every painful trip to Home Depot.
My favorite clean joke:
A guy is walking in a field and notices a fairly large hole in the ground. He walks over, looks down, but can’t see the bottom. He looks around, finds a small pebble and tosses it into the hole, cocks his head and listens...
Nothing.
He looks around again, and spies a much large rock, picks it up and waddles over to the hole and tosses it in, cocks his head and listens...
Nothing.
He looks around for the third time and sees a large railroad tie, drags it over to the edge, struggles to lift it up on end, and then pushes it into the hole and cocks his head and listens...
Nothing.
However, while still listening for the crash of the railroad tie, he notices movement on the top of the hill. He turns in time to see a goat racing at incredible speed across the top of the hill, hang an abrupt turn, and starts racing down the hill right towards him. He just has enough time to jump out of the way before the goat jumps into the hole. He bends over, cocks his head and listens...
Nothing.
Just then a farmer comes up and says:
“Have you seen a goat around here?”
The man says:
“Yes! He was running on the ridge of that hill at incredible speed, turned towards me and streaked down the hill and dove into that hole over there!”
The farmer:
“Impossible. I had him chained to a railroad tie.”
:)
Penis jokes. Your taste in jokes is getting worse and worse.
At least you formatted it correctly this time.
Best I’ve seen my wife laugh in a long time. Thanks for sharing.
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