Being an altar boy

email from a friend | 6/27/2022 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

Being an altar boy today

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four month's vacation and five good leads..."

[sodpoodle]

Smile and pray.

[CopperTop]

Heehee!!

Thanks for the break, sod!! d:^D

[Red Badger]

Even Ray Charles could have seen that one coming!.......................

[know.your.why]

Monday Morning Funny...

One morning, a Redneck, a Black feller, and a Chinaman show up for help-wanted work at a local restaurant. The manager sits down with them and explains that he needs a good dishwasher, a floor cleaner, and someone to organize supplies. The Redneck says "I washed dishes for 8 years. I'll do the dishes!" The Black feller said "I'm a journeyman building maintenance so I'll do the floors!". The manager turns to the Chinaman and says "that leaves you for supplies, ok?" The Chinaman nods his head eagerly and smiles, "yes, yes!" -he says. A couple hours later the manager is checking up on his new crew and hes happy to see that the dishes are almost done and the floors are looking nice and polished, but there's no sign of the Chinaman anywhere. He's asks the other two workers and no one knows where the Chinaman is and no one has seen him. "Where is that Chinaman...I told him he was supplies!" Frustrated, he walks around the corner and right then the Chinaman leaps out in front of him waving his arms and yells...

"SUPPLIES!!!"

[Carriage Hill]

Biden Comes To The Rescue.

President Biden visits a remote Native American reservation. With news crews following him around as they tour the place, the President asks the chief if there was anything they needed. Here's the transcript:

"Well," says the chief, "We have three very important needs. First, we have a medical clinic, but no doctor to man it.” Biden whips out his cellphone, dials a number, talks to somebody for two minutes, and then hangs up. "I've pulled some strings. Your doctor will arrive in a few days."

"Now what was the second problem?"

"We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has poisoned the water our people have been drinking. We've been transporting bottled water in, and it's terribly expensive."

Once again, Biden dials a number, yells into the phone for a few minutes, and then hangs up. "The mine has been shut down, and the owner is being billed for setting up a water purification plant for your people."

"Now what was that third problem?"

The chief looks at him and says, "We have no cellphone reception up here!"

[If You Want It Fixed - Fix It]

Jim must still be sick.

When the black jokes?

[SouthernClaire]

Thought of you immediately ...

Hope you enjoy it!

[Mark17]

It never happened to me, when I was an altar boy. Actually, I quit, because I didn’t want to learn any Latin. 😀😂🥹

[NorthMountain]

Because confession is about YOUR sins, not somebody else’s ...

[NorthMountain]

But ... Did Biden step in the “hoya”?

[SouthernClaire]

I hear ya! (In English, of course.)

[Carriage Hill]

Both feet worth.
Shame to ruin such nice dogbane plants.

[Clemenza]

These days, they are “altar servers.”

[NorthMountain]

A politician decided to go out to the local reservation to gather support from the indigenous people. Everyone was assembled at a public meeting to hear the speech.
The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “I promise better education opportunities for the indigenous people!”
The crowd went wild, shouting “Hoya! Hoya!”
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. “I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!”
“Hoya! Hoya!” shouted the crowd, stomping their feet.
“I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for the indigenous people!”
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting “Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!”
After the speech, the politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. “Sure,” the Chief said, “but be careful not to step in the hoya.”

[Carriage Hill]

Ha, I thought it might be poop, but as a retired Horticulturalist of 35yrs, Hoya is a simple plant and came to mind first:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoya_(plant)

[NorthMountain]

Being as you are a horticulturalist, you'll understand why I prefer the politicians to step in the cholla (rhymes with hoya) rather than the hoya (plants) ...

;'}

[Carriage Hill]

Yes, I’d like to see them fall into them, face first.

[Mark17]

Because confession is about YOUR sins, not somebody else’s ...

What has that got to do with being an altar boy and learning Latin?

[NorthMountain]

You wrote:

It never happened to me, when I was an altar boy.

The antecedent of "It" in your sentence seems to be "an event like the one described in the joke".