Posted on 07/07/2023 6:36:15 AM PDT by Twotone
With the Fourth of July behind us, we as a nation can finally return to topless men twerking on the lawn of the White House as part of America's fabulous Summer of Pride, just like the Founding Fathers envisioned.
If you're one of the far-right extreme MAGA-T Republicans who love America and think showing affection for our country is more than just a drunken BBQ on the Fourth and a wicked hangover on the fifth, here are a few ways to continue your disgusting patriotism all year round.
1. Say the Pledge of Allegiance: The pledge is hate speech. And there you are, just saying it like a far-right person. Shame on you.
2. Do something heterosexual: If you're a man and you have a wife and you like each other, you're pretty much a Q'ANON stooge. Cis love is fascist love, you pig.
3. Push a commie out of a helicopter: Actually, this one's not that extreme. We're pretty sure everyone can get behind this.
4. Put an "I did that" sticker on a gas pump: It will always be funny. Do your part, citizen.
5. Cry openly when Heath Ledger dies during The Patriot: Then let your tears fall into American soil so that the Tree of Liberty may grow.
6. Get bitten by a radioactive bald eagle so you can become "America Man": There should be a few radioactive eagles flying out of Ukraine soon, just keep your eyes out.
7. Eat a hamburger made of non-plant-based meat: The Founding Fathers were stuffy white men who ate the flesh of innocent animals. Be like them by eating a mondo burger in front of your vegetarian cousin Alex while making groaning sounds. Bonus points if you spill grease on his lap.
8. Drink a lemonade on the porch swing while watching your 7 kids play in the sprinkler: Your heart will swell with pride and gratefulness for the blessings you enjoy in America. Congratulations--you're a fascist.
9. Punch a groomer: Pushing them out of helicopters also works.
10. Read this list in The Babylon Bee: Congratulations, at least you did one of these things!
Congratulations, extremist! You're now on a watch list!
11. Hire the best person for the job regardless of race or sex.
12. Be a man who helps raise the kids he creates. (A bit of a repeat for #8, but making sure it applies to me too.)
I bought a couple of patches (US flag) and put them on my favorite jeans jacket (upside down)!
It always gets attention.
One minority guy in the post office asked me, “What's the significance of the flag upside down on your jacket?” He may have been a vet.
I said, “Did you like the last presidential election?”
He hemmed and hawed, but didn't answer. So I said, “Some of us DIDN'T”
Also, a tattooed clerk at the checkout (you know ... the one, with the dirt under her nails, hardware on her face and greasy purple hair) said, “You know you put your flag on wrong?.”
I said, ‘No I didn't”.
Several years ago I read that postal workers were complaining that people were putting their flag stamps upside down on envelopes. A pretty mild protest, but they didn’t like it.
Why do Biden stamps fall off enveloped.
Because people spit on the wrong side.
Number 4 is the best!
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