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Man Longs For Good Old Days When He Could Go Online Without Seeing Gay Capitol Sex Tape
Babylon Bee ^ | December 16, 2023 | Staff

Posted on 12/18/2023 4:18:38 PM PST by Twotone

ROANOKE, VA — Local man Kamal Ram found himself this morning pining for the good old days when a guy could log onto the internet without seeing gay Capitol sex tapes.

"Ah, those were the days," said Ram wistfully. "We lived in simpler times, last Thursday."

According to sources, Ram had enjoyed a morning cup of coffee and had a nice devotional time before innocently opening his laptop to watch some basketball highlights. "Oh, come on!" said Ram as his eyes were immediately assaulted with a gay Capitol sex tape. "I didn't sign up for this! I just wanted to watch some basketball! Can we just not do this, America? Okay? Can we please allow everyone to check their phones without seeing dudes getting weird in the Capitol?"

Nauseated and longing for blindness, Ram was left yearning for the days of yore. "We didn't know how good we had it," sighed Ram. "We just went online, never thinking we were about to be shown gay sex tapes filmed inside the nation's Capitol. Those were the days, man."

At publishing time, ophthalmology offices across the nation had been overwhelmed by patients who had poured copious amounts of bleach on their eyeballs.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: aidanmaeseczeropski; babylonbee; capitolhill; cardin; congress; eyebleach; fudgepacking; judiciarycommittee; lgbtq; maeseczeropski; parliamentofwhores; porn; sextapes

1 posted on 12/18/2023 4:18:38 PM PST by Twotone
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To: Twotone

ROTFLMAO!


2 posted on 12/18/2023 4:21:28 PM PST by 6ppc (Democrats would have to climb Everest to reach the level of "scum of the earth")
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To: Twotone

We can be thankful ‘the press’ and progressives didn’t insist statues of the two “effers” be built and put in front of every elementary school in DC.

If this had been Republican heterosexuals they would have been arrested for being insurrectionists... and jailed.


3 posted on 12/18/2023 4:25:24 PM PST by GOPJ (Surgery doesn't make a man a woman anymore than wearing a Gorilla costume turns a man into an ape.)
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To: 6ppc
ROTFLMAO!

This has got to be one the Bee’s best.

4 posted on 12/18/2023 4:26:52 PM PST by Mark17 (Retired USAF air traffic controller. Father of USAF Captain & pilot. Both bitten by the aviation bug)
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To: Twotone

Be sure to watch this 4 second video-—

BREAKING NEWS: I’ve obtained footage of Chuck Schumer narrating the sex tape.

https://twitter.com/BreannaMorello/status/1735807764457230640


5 posted on 12/18/2023 4:27:08 PM PST by Presbyterian Reporter
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To: Twotone
Remember those days?


6 posted on 12/18/2023 4:27:20 PM PST by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Twotone

So the j6er who DARED to put his feet on pelosi’s desk got SERIOUS time-like years. I wonder what a dem having sex in that room will get charged with and how much time will he get. Wanna bet he walks?


7 posted on 12/18/2023 4:29:02 PM PST by Singermom
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To: Twotone

Floor Pounding Funny!


8 posted on 12/18/2023 4:32:03 PM PST by Navy Patriot (Celebrate Decivilization)
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To: Twotone

Gay Capitol sex... Jsex?


9 posted on 12/18/2023 4:34:39 PM PST by piasa (Attitude adjustments offered here free of charge)
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To: Twotone
"We lived in simpler times, last Thursday."
10 posted on 12/18/2023 4:38:58 PM PST by xp38
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To: Twotone

https://freerepublic.com/focus/search?m=all;o=time;q=quick;s=Gay%20senate

As of today, there were six threads covering this disgusting event…with 92, 79, 83, 149, 57, and 138 replies.

https://freerepublic.com/tag/susannagibson/index

This is the Virginia Dem who had a chaturbate channel doing disgusting things for cash.

As of today, there are seven related threads with 110, 73, 6, 74, 25, and 123 replies.

It’d appear, that a lot of people are longing for MORE, not less.


11 posted on 12/18/2023 4:48:30 PM PST by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s²)
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To: Twotone

I guess I’m very much out of things, but I haven’t seen this.

(And please, everyone: don’t assist me.)


12 posted on 12/18/2023 4:55:23 PM PST by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: Jamestown1630

“Ah, those were the days,” said Ram wistfully. “We lived in simpler times, last Thursday.”

Ah yes, 1995, the WWW, 12.5 dial-up, Netscape Navigator v2, Eudora Email client etc etc etc...


13 posted on 12/18/2023 5:10:03 PM PST by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: Twotone

The homosexual ‘RAT staffer was getting behind in his work.


14 posted on 12/18/2023 5:10:07 PM PST by twister881
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To: Jamestown1630

>>I guess I’m very much out of things, but I haven’t seen this.<<

Foolishly, I viewed it. GAG! I wish I hadn’t; now I just hope truckloads of bleach and Lysol will be delivered to the office where the desecration took place.

And gay guys wonder why people despise them so much . . .


15 posted on 12/18/2023 5:15:28 PM PST by Old Grumpy
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To: Twotone

I long for the good old days when I could watch an HBO or Netflix series without seeing the obligatory sex scene of 2 rump rangers going at it in bed. That is what the fast forward key is for.


16 posted on 12/18/2023 5:27:31 PM PST by TheCipher ( RINO politicians in DC are the only reptiles in the world with no backbone)
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To: Twotone

Most people long for the days when “a gay old time” meant just that.


17 posted on 12/18/2023 7:06:12 PM PST by rfp1234 (E Porcibus Unum )
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To: Twotone

Yeah me too.... LOL!


18 posted on 12/18/2023 7:47:39 PM PST by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized of man on)
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To: Twotone

Watch Paramount Pluto tv gay commercials.... ICK!


19 posted on 12/18/2023 8:05:08 PM PST by minnesota_bound (Need more money to buy everything now)
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To: Twotone

20 posted on 12/18/2023 8:29:32 PM PST by jdt1138 (Where ever you go, there you are.)
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