Maureen Dowd, for her entire career.
Posted on 09/24/2004 5:47:38 AM PDT by N. Theknow
Subject: FWD: Writing Contest
For you lovers of good writing, these are 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest --AKA Dark and Stormy Night Contest-- (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre reep...Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS.....
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"
Perhaps Xenalyte can "authenticate."
Ping
#3 had me rolling!
I also like the beauty who "defied description".
Great, I love stuff like this!
Kinda like old Lurch...flip-flop!
I seen some one line newbie vanities in the past week that blow these away.
He knew no one would vote for a man with an affinity for botox injections, wind surfing, treason, stupid sports photos, rich lonely windows, Vietnam and an occasional forged document, but Jean so longed to be President.
The Senator paused in front of the parlor mirror to admire his leonine locks and for the first time thought: "Dear God -- I could be President."
Absolutely hilarious............literally LOL!!!!
You definitely have a point there.
A new posting guideline might help but most of them would feel that it doesn't apply to them. OH well, at least if they hang around osmosis has a chance to work on them.
the best one yet
Your sentiments shall be echoed.
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
I have just changed my lunch plans.
Maureen Dowd, for her entire career.
I think most of them are really excited to have found FR, most (except trolls) will catch on soon enough.
Writing class final....Problem-Write the shortest essay containing the three elements of religion, sex and mystery.
An 'A' went to a girl who wrote, "My God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it?"
Thanx.... #3 has given me a line to print on this year's Christmas cards.
Congressman Billybob
Latest column, "The Manifesto of Pukin Dog"
If you haven't already joined the anti-CFR effort, please click here.
What a fun bit of reading...thanks!
Detective Category Runner-Up:
The knife handle jutted from her chest like one of the plastic pop-up timers in a frozen turkey, but from the blood pooling around the wound, it was apparent that this bird wasn't done.
Alaine Sepulveda
Las Cruces, NM
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