Posted on 12/08/2004 6:51:12 PM PST by Fiddlstix
This is an Oldie but Goodie
ENJOY J
The Twelve Days of Christmas
December 14, 2001
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.
My love always,
Agnes
December 15, 2001
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
December 16, 2001
Dear John:
Oh! Aren’t you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you’ve been too kind.
All my love,
Agnes
December 17, 2001
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
December 18, 2001
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
December 19, 2001
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket.
Please stop. Cordially,
Agnes
December 20, 2001
John:
What’s with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There’s bird sh*t all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can’t sleep at night and I’m a nervous wreck. It’s not funny any more. So stop with those freaking birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
December 21, 2001
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It’s not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows? There is manure all over the lawn and I can’t move in my own house.
Just lay off, smarta$$.
Agnes
December 22, 2001
Hey Sh*thead:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s nine pipers playing. And Ch--st do they play. They’ve never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You’ll get yours !
Agnes
December 23, 2001
You rotten BASTARD:
Now there’s ten ladies dancing. I don’t know why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of sh*t. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn’t be condemned.
I’m calling the police on you !
Agnes
December 24, 2001
Listen PECK*Rhead:
What’s with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten b*$tard.
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes
December 25, 2001
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention.
Should you attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight.
With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Law Offices of
Badger, Bender and Chole
(It is my hope that this epistle shall provide humor in the spirit of the Great and Wonderful Juedo-Christian Tradition of the Season)
God Bless
(Merry Christmas and Happy HanukkahJ
LOL, I heard a great version of this same sad tale on an Irish Radio show years ago. Oh, I wish I could hear that again.
Merry Christmas and let's not go overboard this year!
The first day of Christmas is Dec 25,the Feast of the Nativity, the twelfth day of Christmas is January 5 (the Eve of Epiphany).
Lol! I don't know how many times I've sung that song in school Christmas programs and never could figure out why those 'gifts' would be wanted by anyone.:)
LOL!!!!
Fiddlstix, would you mind posting this on the Canteen, too? TOO funny!!!
That's hillarious. I hadn't read that one yet. Thanks for the post.
pbear8:
You Are Right!
I'm an Old Man. I've traveled many roads and done many things probably before you were born.
Yes! What you say is correct.
That which I posted is Humor for all to enjoy.
(Why don't you go to Snopes or Urbanlegends so you may prove once and for all that Agnes doesn't exist)
(Maybe you can become Pookie-Bird the second. All in all, an honorable title.)
God Bless You. Merry Christmas.
Yes, my mother wouldn't put a tree up until Christmas Eve, and then would not take it down until Jan 6.
That was also the tradition in my family going back thru the generations.
January, 6 was also known as Old Christmas Morning
God Bless
Merry Christmas
J
Humor Time Out Break PingalingyThing!
Merry CHRISTmas!
Alas! I know well. I also have some sad Irish tales.
(That's sayin' sumnpin. I'm not Irish)
However, all the tales I know are in regard to Saint Patrick's Day.
Merry Christmas
God Bless
J
Hmmmm........uh.....dare I ask? LOL!!!
Hmmm....
I'll post those on Saint Patrick's day. Not now.
J
Alrighty! :)
Actually, there is a wonderful tradition behind that song.
(I'll Look it up and post it for you)
J
Thank you J
(Albeit, Nowhere near as good as the articles you write)
J
A very Blessed CHRISTmas to you and to Brad and his Grandpa!!
LOL Haven't seen this in years. Great to read it again.
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