MORFORD: Dick Cheney Totally Hates You

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | November 3, 2006 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

That shirt? Those shoes? Your kids? Hates 'em, and everything else about you, too. Can you feel it?

That shirt you're wearing right now? Chances are, Dick Cheney hates it. That car you drive? Thinks it's for whiny un-American pansies. The fact that you've probably eaten tofu and wear designer shoes and have actually had sex while standing up? Pervert heathen traitor to the real America, Dick thinks. He hates that.

Some days, Dick has trouble counting all the ways in which he hates you, the world, life. Some days, he hates the fact that there are not enough hours in the day for him to count the ways in which he hates you and all you probably stand for. This makes him sad. Which he also hates.

It is a question often asked these days: Whence comes all this dark, dank feeling in America? Why does all seem tainted and soiled and lost lo these past years? When did simply being an American turn so dour and gray, like someone poured gasoline into a big glass of Sunny Delight? Here, I firmly believe, is a great portion of your answer.

It has become a national pastime, of sorts, listing all the things and all the events and all types of people -- liberals journalists prisoners suspects foreigners Democrats moderates animals environmentalists trees pacifists 'Nam vets women clean air -- Dick Cheney hates every single day. Even Republicans are a little taken aback by the length of the list.

Recently, this dark pall has become even more evident. Cheney's trademark hate spewed forth all over the media, like smoking black roof tar,...

[SmithL]

Morfordite Alert!

`nuf said

[.cnI redruM]

Hey Morford. You and Dick should try hunting the grouse some time.

[Maceman]

Whence comes all this dark, dank feeling in America?

From hanging around with San Francisco Democrats?

[I still care]

[Rennes Templar]

Why does all seem tainted and soiled and lost lo these past years?


Ever since that stain appeared in Monica's blue dress...

[crazyhorse691]

Must be that time of the month for him. And the sad part is that that is one of his three wishes.

[reegs]

This "guy" is a real "see you next Tuesday."

[paratrooper82]

Could this troubled liberal really be talking about himself and his hate for this President, and Vice President?

[Alex Murphy]

Boy, did I need this laugh today! Thanks for posting it - notice is now served that I'm stealing it.

[johniegrad]

Projection.

[Diamond]

There's no way Morford's accusations can be true because Dick Cheney has been dead for five years and is really a 1998 Halliburton clone.

Cordially,

[MortMan]

Ms. Morford, I believe your envy of "Big Dick's" nickname has finally gotten to the point of derangement.

Does it hurt to be so stupid? It should!

[ExpatGator]

"seem tainted and soiled"

Why can't this poofter quit talking about his nether regions?

[freekitty]

This guy is a stain.

[ikka]

I get the feeling Mark Morford is the inspiration for South Park's Mr. Garrison character.

[CaptRon]

Another hissy fit from Miss Morford.

They guy's a parody of himself.

[expatpat]

....have actually had sex while standing up

Morford hasn't -- bending over, yes, but that's not standing up.

[MadIvan]

Somehow I doubt the Vice President can be bothered to reply to this hysterical pansy on meth. Morford may not be homosexual, but he certainly writes that way.

Regards, Ivan

[expatpat]

His link on Cheney "spewing forth hate" shows no hate whatsoever. You made it all up again, Morford!

[fruitintheroom]

Morford may not be homosexual

And the Pope may not be Catholic.