Posted on 11/29/2018 12:54:27 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Every Wednesday, the second hour of my national radio show is the “Male/Female Hour.” A few weeks ago, a woman named Jennifer called in.
For reasons of space, I have somewhat shortened her comments. Every young woman should read them. This is precisely what she said:
“Dennis, I want to get right to it. I’m 50 years old with four college degrees. I was raised by a feminist mother with no father in the home. My mother told me get an education to the maximum level so that you can get out in the world, make a lot of money. And that’s the path I followed. I make adequate money. I don’t make a ton of money. But I do make enough to support my own household.
“I want to tell women in their 20s: Do not follow the path that I followed. You are leading yourself to a life of loneliness. All of your friends will be getting married and having children, and you’re working to compete in the world, and what you’re doing is competing with men. Men don’t like competitors. Men want a partner. It took me until my late 40s to realize this.
“And by the time you have your own household with all your own bills, you can’t get off that track, because now you’ve got to make the money to pay your bills. It’s hard to find a partner in your late 40s to date because you also start losing self-confidence about your looks, your body. It’s not the same as it was in your 20s. You try to do what you can to make your life fulfilling. I have cats and dogs. But it’s lonely when you see your friends having children, going on vacations, planning the lives of their children, and you don’t do anything at night but come home to your cats and dogs. I don’t want other women to do what I have done.”
I asked, “Was it hard for you to make this call?”
She responded: “It was. I want to be anonymous because I don’t want people that I know to really know my true feelings. Because you do act like ‘My career is everything. I love working.’ But it’s a lie on the inside for me. It’s unfortunate. I didn’t realize this until it’s too late. I don’t know if it’s too late. I would like to find somebody to go on vacation with.
“You have other concerns when you get older and you live alone. Who’s going to take you to your medical appointments? If something should happen to you, there’s no other income there to help you. These are things you don’t understand when you’re in your 20s because you don’t think you’ll ever get old and have health problems.
“I’m stuck now because I go to work every day. I smile like I love it, but it’s very painful to not plan a vacation with someone. It’s painful to not have a Thanksgiving dinner with someone. You sit home alone and you do nothing. I avoid my friends now that have children because I have nothing in common with them.
“Somebody asked me the other day, ‘Why did you stay single and never have kids?’ There’s answers: Because I was brainwashed by my mother into this. But it’s hard and it’s shameful to tell people, ‘I don’t know. I ran out of time.’
“There’s not a good answer for it except: ‘I was programmed to get into the workforce, compete with men, and make money.’ Supposedly, that would be a fulfilling life. But I was told that by a feminist mother who was divorced, who hated her husband—my father.
“She tried to steer me on what she thought was the right path, but feminism is a lie. That’s what I want women to know.
“I didn’t realize this until late in life. I want to tell women: Find someone in your 20s. That’s when you’re still very cute. That’s when you’re still amiable to working out problems with someone. It’s harder in your 50s, when you’ve lived alone, to compromise with someone, to have someone in your home and every little thing about them annoys you because you’re so used to being alone. It’s hard to undo that, so don’t do what I did. Find someone in your 20s.”
I said, “I’m thinking of transcribing your call and making it a column.”
“Do that, Dennis. I want to help whoever I can,” she said.
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Respectfully Jeff, we both want to stay married. It's not really a joking matter.
This is going to if not become the norm, at least challenge the norm.
There are a lot of us out there who for one reason or another put off marriage, yet never wanted to put off marriage. We're going to screw up a lot of things. We're going to screw up marriage counseling in both churches and secular institutions because we weren't what the counselors were trained to deal with. Our problems and trouble areas are a bit different than the hormonal 20 somethings that they were trained to deal with.
My wife and i are just the tip of the ice berg.
bttt
“I have found that my worst coworkers tend to be older women with no husbands and no children. They are just bitter and unhappy.”
—
Maybe they sense that you feel superior to them.
.
I'm happy that you're content with your life. I really mean that.
When I was 38, I was a lonely person with few prospects for the sort of golden years I'd envisioned for myself. I'd always pictured myself as having a large and loving family in my later years, and could see that the clock was quickly running out for me to make that dream come true.
Long story short, I rectified that situation in the next two years. Today, I'm the proud father of six kids, and have five grandkids. I can't tell you how satisfying and worthwhile it's been to make that happen.
I know it may not be your hope, but it's my hope for you, that you will find a way to create something similar for yourself.
Peace
That's some solid wisdom there. I highly urge all young women to follow it.
Yeah, they are. Only our modern, screwed up culture makes it seem otherwise.
I don't buy that for a second.
Creating and having a family is one of the central aspects of the human experience. Those who have bought into the concept of fulfillment without family, have no idea what they've given up.
Then again, those who've watched their clocks run out, probably do.
It is not that unusual. I have 3--AA, BS, Ph.D. Some people get a MS or two, some get two Ph.D.s or a Ph.D. along with a medical degree of some sort. Often, people consider the degrees they have and think that they could do so much more if they only had more degrees.
I did not go this woman's route. I'm almost at 38 years of marriage, and have two kids and two grandkids. I rejected feminism.
Boy, did you push a button there.
My 20 year old daughter married her 30 year old boyfriend some months back. They tied the knot primarily because she found out she was four months pregnant.
The boy was at least good enough to do the right thing and make my kid an honest woman, but he's proving to be woefully unprepared for the responsibilities of his new role(s) in life.
He's a decent enough guy, but he only left home to live with my girl a year ago. He was working at a burger joint and taking business administration classes part time. Not really all that together for someone his age, you know?
He left the burger joint and got a better job after they found out about the baby, but now they can't make the bills, and are being forced to move in with his parents.
I'm just crossing my fingers that me and Mom don't have to intervene at some point to pull their fat from the fire.
And here I thought I was robbing the cradle because my wife and I are 19 years apart!
Just messin' with ya, mate.
I know. But I still like to think upon happy endings every now and then.
I’m with you. I’m the single one at 53 and all my married friends and family members complain to me constantly about the men in their lives. Some of the women she envies may be quietly envying her in return, for being free.
Yeah, they are. Only our modern, screwed up culture makes it seem otherwise.
Everyone should get married and have kids? Really?
I have no particular desire to be married, and even less so to have children. Please explain to me how this would make for a happy, healthy family.
Kids are not all they are cracked up to be either.
I found it interesting that every single family that was religious and had children, divorced by the time the last kid was out except for the ones that had one needy dramatic spouse and one who catered to that spouse. Families of 6 to ten children... families where the last kids leave when the parents are in their sixties... all divorced.
Tell you brother, you would not BELIEVE the grief i caught from women my own age when my wife and i were dating...she looks 10 years younger than her actual age. One woman actually asked me...What's the matter, can't handle a woman your own age?" To which i had to reply No, i can't handle Post-menopausal drama queens who need to b!+ch about something.
That was when i learned for certain what "Well, Bless your heart" really means when uttered by a Southern woman, LOL.
i am so happy that my wife and i now live in Central Pennsylvania.
One woman actually asked me..."What's the matter, can't handle a woman your own age?" To which i had to reply No, I can't handle Post-menopausal drama queens who need to b!+ch about something.
One woman actually asked me..."What's the matter, can't handle a woman your own age?" To which i had to reply No, i can't handle Post-menopausal drama queens who need to b!+ch about something.
Heh... Sounds like green eyed jealousy to me.
Read all the responses, guess it’s time I chimed in.
Met my wife when she was still in high school, I was three years out of the Corps.
Didn’t start dating her until she was 20,(I was 30).
Married her when she was 21, put her through school for her Bachelors Degree in Speech Pathology and Teacher Education (she has 2 degrees, I have 1, Hydrology).
She finally caught up on the pay scale after we had been married about 15 years.
In the interim we had two kids (one boy, one girl), we both worked our tails off to give them a better life.
BEST 41 YEARS OF MY LIFE, had to browbeat her into retiring.
LIFE IS JUST SO DAMN GOOD!
I am here to eat popcorn, and read the comments.
You done it right, bruh.
Hats off to ya!
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