Posted on 12/24/2022 3:25:24 AM PST by Jyotishi
ANALYSIS
Left unaddressed, gaslighting can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health
You are overthinking... We all have often come across phrases in our daily life at least once or on repeated terms such as -- You have always been crazy; I don’t know what you want me to say; It’s your fault; Everyone agrees with me; That’s not how it happened; Your memory seems to be slipping; I did that because I was trying to help you.
Such phrases undermine our trust and belief. The more we hear them, the more we stop trusting ourselves. When some other person becomes a gatekeeper to your reality, then you are in a spot which is vulnerable to further manipulation. In other words, when someone controls or denies or tries to play with your thoughts, feelings or behaviours especially on a repeated term, then you are right to suspect reality doubting often termed ‘gaslighting’.
The term ‘gaslighting’ has its origin from a 1938 play, Gas Light, and its adaptation by Patrick Hamilton, known in America as “Angel Street” which later developed into the film ‘Gas Light’ by Alfred Hitchcock. Since the movie was an accurate portrayal of controlling the toxic actions used by manipulators, various psychologists and counsellors began to label this emotional abuse as gaslighting.
Gaslight is a covert type of emotional abuse in which the abuser misleads the victim (target), creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality. It can confuse the victim and cause the victim to question their own judgment, memory, self-worth and overall mental health.
According to ‘The National Domestic Violence’ Hotline’s fact sheet “Withholding, Countering, Blocking/diverting, Trivializing and Denial” are the five techniques which a gaslighter may use to manipulate someone. A gaslighter will often start with something that is true and sensitive to the victim. They may praise the victim initially and immediately confide in them.
They do so to attain power over their victim as they wish to control them either emotionally, physically or financially. Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationships be it personal (an abusive spouse or a parent), or professional (a co-worker or a boss) or, at public and legal institutions where the abusive person may use gaslight to isolate their target, undermine their confidence and ultimately control them.
The more this happens, the more power and influence the victim has on the abuser. The victim starts relying heavily on what others say and have no scope of trusting themselves. They end up doubting their memory, their perception and sanity. They feel confused, anxious and even depressed about their relationship, make excuses for the partner’s behaviour, are not able to understand the reason for unhappiness in their own life, always end up apologizing and are left with no option but to rely on the gaslighter's version of reality.
With time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can make it difficult for the victim to see the truth. At times, it can even lead to the mental health concerns including addiction and even thoughts of suicide.
Gaslighting is not always intentional or malicious. It is a psychologically manipulative tactic to get a person or a group of people to doubt their reality and memory. Almost anyone can be susceptible to this tactic. People gaslight for numerous reasons and every situation is different. Lying and distortion are the cornerstones of gaslighting behaviour followed by repetition. Repetition technique is a brainwashing tactic wherein if a person knows that something is a blatant lie, repetition starts to make them believe it.
Remember gaslighting works because it confuses people and shakes the confidence. But if the victim shows that he is not affected by the behaviour, the person trying to gaslight will decide that it isn’t worth it. Do not be afraid of speaking. When a person is in isolation, chances are that he may be more susceptible to self-doubt and when a gaslighter knows about this, will try to convince as per their best interest. Stand firm in your truth, i.e., believe in yourself, your feelings for the person doing the gaslighting, the goal is to have the receiving person (the victim) doubt their perception.
Keep simple conversations, start writing things or maintain a journal about day to day happening which will help you ground yourself in your own truth and will also make you feel confident in case you start feeling confused or low at your self-esteem. Start collecting evidence such as saving screenshots of texts and emails, taking photos of any damage done to property, keeping a record of the date and time of conversations. Start engaging yourself in physical activities like yoga, long run and meditation. These activities serve as an outlet for tension and distress. Left unaddressed, gaslighting can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health.
(The author is a teacher at a reputed school in Delhi)
I grew up with a narcissist, and for narcissists of any age, gaslighting is as natural as swimming is to fish. When I could, I headed for the hills, just left it, you can’t resolve it if the person in question remains untreated. If you are dealing with the originator of the gaslighting, it is intentional and malicious. If otoh, you are dealing with some poor schmuck caught in the eddies of a gaslighting campaign, it may not be, because they may believe the false reality, or maybe they feel they can benefit from it at the expense of a targeted victim (not realizing the diminished power of picking fights with fellow victims instead of making common cause with them), or maybe they are too afraid of getting in trouble or being made an example of to speak up and challenge the false reality, or else you have some form of Stockholm syndrome going on.
On the small scale you can flee and hope there isn’t a whole sewer of lies coming after you. On the large scale you can disagree all you like but until a tipping point occurs (and probably a good deal afterward) you can just try to provide a stabilizing reference point I think.
What is so important about Musk breaking up the lefty party is that utilizing social media, and Twitter in particular, bad people figured out how to scale up gaslighting campaigns, combining the nastiness of the small scale with large scale disinformation. The bad news is that the lefties aren’t the only ones doing it. You have a whole world full of university labs and unfriendly states that are able to mess with Americans in America without having to actually hop on a plane.
“Remember gaslighting works because it confuses people and shakes the confidence. But if the victim shows that he is not affected by the behaviour, the person trying to gaslight will decide that it isn’t worth it.”
I don’t think this is true. A big part of gaslighting is gaining power over people and part of that is destroying other people’s reputations so that nobody will listen to them, particularly someone who has figured out that the gaslighter is full of crap.
The TDSers on Free Republic try to gaslight us with fake polls and convince us Trump is “finished”. F them all. These same weasel d1cks then try to tell us Desantis is not a GOPe trojan horse.
“I’m sure it happens in reverse, i.e., for women manipulating men, too”
Does.It.Ever.😬
It actually assumes the victim is good natured and not himself/herself a cold-hearted gaslighter/abuser.
It assumes the victim is stupid.
I completely understand...
same thing with me...
Children are adults now, and I manage to keep contact, but if I don’t do it, there would never be any...
May my ex burn in hell
Here’s an author whose book can help victims of gaslighting:
Patricia Evans, life coach, author of “The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond” (2010 third edition)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1440504636/ref=dp_ob_neva_mobile
Are victims of gaslighting stupid, CV?
“One of the best things conservative parents can do is develop strong BS meters in their kids.“
So true!
We tried to teach our children (now adults) that trust must be earned. So-called facts must be verified. Humans are in a survival competition like all animals, and part of human nature is to take advantage - to deceive.
Even kind and generous people might withhold a secret ingredient when sharing their prize winning chili recipe. Fishermen don’t give up their special spot -entrepreneurs and craftsmen don’t give up their trade secrets. There is a lot of BS out there. They need a good BS meter.
But ironically, the very BS meter we instilled in our children is now working against us - that’s how clever the enemy is.
My children can’t believe the 2220 election was stolen or that Covid was a hoax, because it seems impossible to them that EVERYONE could be lying about something so huge.
So, thanks to the strong BS meters we gave our children, they don’t want to hear about vast deep state conspiracies - even though they are real. The idea that there’s a corrupt deep state orchestrating a coup against MAGA - it all sounds too far-fetched.
What a screwed up world we live in.
Yes, if you can be convinced with propaganda that what you are seeing is not what you are seeing then you are stupid. Either stupid or weak. Or both.
Gaslighting is easy to combat.
Imagine the opposite of whatever the person says.
If it is closer to the truth you are dealing with a gaslighter.
If they do it more than once they are a sociopath.
There is only one proper response to a sociopath—run far far away..no excuses...no drama...no explanations...just run.
Case in point:
You've been gaslighted.
(or forgot your sarc tag)
It does help, that’s true, but there’s a significant amount of crying wolf going on across the political spectrum. It’s tough to know who or what to believe anymore.
—
Social media reach
+ FBI manipulation of social media to help DNC
+ insatiable need for clicks by media
= recipe for disaster in what passes as “news”.
cant tell you how many times ive uttered the same!! just start checking off those bucket list destinations. Not too sure I wanna leave my bank accounts to those who dont give me the time a day. let em cuss me out for not leaving them anything!! lol
There was a British feature film version, then, later, a U.S. feature film version. Can’t recall everyone who was involved in those two different productions.
Ever been gaslit?
Of course and I never bought into it BECAUSE I AM NOT STUPID OR WEAK.
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