By Lin Anderson
Calling President Bush's history-making flight to meet the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln "admittedly a cute little stunt, I suppose," Sen. Tom Daschle (D-SD) yesterday told a Chamber of Commerce luncheon in his home state that, while the Republican president may have the ability to fly a jet, "Democrats can do a whole lot of things, too."
Daschle -- who joked good-naturedly with chamber officials about his having to stand atop three metropolitan-area telephone directories to peer over the "junior podium" at Nicky's Restaurant and Lounge in downtown Madison -- commented that he was "deeply disappointed that the President's flight -- while it might have seemed impressive to simple-minded folks -- has obscured the real, lasting contributions that Democrats made for working men and women on Thursday."
Pausing to allow the busboys to clear the remains of Nicky's Lemon Chicken Surprise with Wild Rice from members' tables, the minority leader expanded on his theme by noting that, "While the president was recklessly co-piloting an aircraft in the skies above Southern California like some sort of crazy Top Gun jet jockey, I was right here on the ground in South Dakota performing the difficult job you elected me to do -- raising thousands of dollars for Terry McAullife's important work while at the same time trying to keep a lid on all this unwarranted can-do optimism this president continues to insist on stirring up by winning wars and flying planes and that sort of thing."
Pointing out that he was prevented from fulfilling his boyhood dream of becoming a jet pilot because of a medical condition which would have required him to use specially-designed tongs to reach the controls of the aircraft, Daschle listed "significant contributions" he said he and other Democrats made while the President was off "scoring points with that crowd of back-slapping, hot-dogging fly-boys." Democratic lawmakers, said Daschle, "spent much of our day not foolishly scaring seagulls and other endangered species over the Pacific, but instead standing up for the rights of minorities by continuing to keep that dangerous Estrada confirmation vote at bay. In addition, I know some of us -- at great personal hardship and expense -- supported freedom of speech by heading to Greenville, South Carolina, last night to check out the launch of the Dixie Chicks' tour."
Senator Daschle then went on to say, "And I most certainly don't want to forget to mention the many, many sincerely-concerned Democratic leaders who hosted or made personal appearances at grueling cocktail parties, banquets, and rallies in a dogged effort to ensure our party continues to point America in the right direction: toward a nation where a vast vocal majority of victims and victims-rights attorneys rely on my colleagues and I for everything, from universal health care to that spare roll of toilet paper it's always such a relief to find in the cabinet when you forget to pick up a four-pack of Charmin at Super Valu."
As waitresses buzzed about the room, distributing Nicky's trademark Apple Fritter Ice Cream Sandwich, Senator Daschle resumed his remarks. "While this president is adventuring around like some sort of wild-eyed airborne cowboy," he continued, often pounding his head on the podium for emphasis, "I will remind you it is we Democrats who are performing the difficult, often exhausting, service of being critical of everything this administration does, even if it seems perfectly logical and is obviously being done in the interest of providing a safer and more productive nation. Let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen: that's hard work!"
Immediately following the luncheon, Daschle was rushed by motorcade to a photo opportunity on the tarmac at the Madison Municipal Airport, where the Senator was briefly allowed to take the controls of a 1/16-scale model S-3B Viking jet owned by Earl Beacher, a member of the Lake County Radio Controlled Aircraft Club.
"He augured her in," Beacher said later, "but he sure had her going pretty good there for a couple of seconds"...
