Do Not Kill Me List Upheld

vanity | today | palmer

[palmer]

A Federal Appeals court today upheld the Department of Homeland Security's "Do not kill me" list, citing the constitutional duty of government to protect its citizens. The list, created in response to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 is designed to help the federal government protect Americans from being killed during dinner.

"When Americans are sitting down to dinner or a parent is reading to his or her child the last thing they need is to be killed by a terrorist armed with an Iraqi-made WMD smuggled through Syria or Iran", President Bush said at a meeting of Homeland Security advisors. "We are glad that the courts approved our actions to address this problem."

The Federal Government created the national registry to make it easier and more efficient for Americans to sign up against being killed by the enemies of freedom and our way of life. Illegal immigrants, Muslim asylum seekers and rampaging politicians are exempt from the registry.

[EggsAckley]

Yeah, VERY not too funny.

[Slings and Arrows]

It's a good start, but it needs a bit more meat. Statements from opponents of the Do Not Kill Me List would be a nice touch.

[Joe 6-pack]

Round up the judges that found this one unconstitutional....

[Joe 6-pack]

BTW, I checked your sign up date...newbie...#8-)

[palmer]

A Federal Appeals court today upheld the Federal Government's "Do not sodomize me" list. The list, created in response to public outcry over the recent legalization of sodomy by the Supreme Court, is designed to prevent sodomites from sodomizing people who have not given their consent to be sodomized.

"When Americans are sitting down to dinner or a parent is reading to his or her child the last thing they need is to be sodomized." said President Bush today at the White House. "So as authorized by the courts we are taking practical action to address this problem."

The government created the national registry to make it easier and more efficient for Americans to deny their consent to being sodomized. All sodomites will be required to check the registry before sodomizing anyone, but illegal immigrants, Muslims and politicians are exempt.

[breakem]

It was a nice try, but I can only give you a C+. It's kind of like Bill Maher. On first glance you may start to laugh, but there's always that illogic or misinformation that serves as a basis. Thanks anyway.

[breakem]

Now, last thing you want to have done while sitting is to be sodomized. That's funny.

[palmer]

I agree, I probably should have left out the WMD stuff.

[jocon307]

Well, I liked it. It could be longer, of course. I like the idea of having some "opponents" weigh in. Those comic possibilities are endless. You could even call the ACLU and pretend it was real and see what they say about it.

[tet68]

This just in......

Ninth Circuit Court overturns "DO not kill me list" as unconstitutional.

Infringes on rights of muslims,they say.

[palmer]

You're right, sitting won't work. Should have said "while leaning over their child and reading to them"

[breakem]

no it's the equation of personal injury or death that doesn't add up. Already prohibited. but will serve as broad humor. too much maher/michael moore style logic for my money. gotta go answer the phone

[StopDemocratsDotCom]

Breaking News: Barney from the Tv hit-show "The Simpsons" has joined the conservative forum FreeRepublic.com reportedly under the alias "Palmer".

[palmer]

gotta go answer the phone

Don't bother, it's just a telemarketer. I was trying for contrast, protection of life is first in the list of legitimate government functions.

[breakem]

I think it's publishable for those whop wont overanalyze it. Add the comments of ACLU and some terrorist and you've got a package.

[breakem]

whop=a blind date you meet at IHOP.

[StriperSniper]

whop=a blind date you meet at IHOP.

Nope, it's the sound made when you slap your buddy upside the head with a flounder. ;-)

[TomGuy]

In a related development, politicians are considering a "do not recall" list, having noted the fate of Gov. Davis in Californial. When asked her opinion of the "do not recall" list, Senator Hillary Clinton replied, "I'm already on that list because I have trouble recalling things. My memory isn't what it used to be."