Opening Our Hearts to Ephesians 5

by Jim Curley

Other Articles by Jim Curley

04/17/06

		It has a reputation as a hard teaching; Ephesians, Chapter 5 — you know, that passage which many preachers dodge or avoid, (either because they can’t figure out what it means, don’t agree with St. Paul, or are afraid of backlash from the congregation). Yes, I am talking about “let women be subject to their husbands…” (Eph 5:22). We need to contemplate and embrace St. Paul’s teachings on marriage, and this is part of it.

In This Article... Seeking Understanding Others of Significance Dignity and Service


Seeking Understanding First, we must realize that this passage is not an anomaly with St. Paul. St. Paul teaches similar sentiments elsewhere: in 1 Corinthians 11:3: “the head of every woman is the man”; and in Colossians 3:18, “Wives be subject to your husbands….” Some have said that St. Paul just didn’t like women; but then we look and find that St. Peter, our first pope says, “let wives be subject to their husbands” (1 Pt 3:1). Is it simply a matter of a different culture, and thus we can ignore these passages? Fr. Benedict Groeshel, CFR, in Reform of Renewal (Ignatius Press) says: The believer accepts the fact that divine Providence has given us the Sacred Scriptures as a special grace. They are not the words of men; they are the words of God.... We have to accept the words of Scripture as living words addressed to ourselves. [W]e use our intelligence and research to discover the best possible understanding and interpretation of these words as they were originally given.... So we see, we can’t just dismiss these words, “let women be subject to their husbands” because they don’t fit our “culture”; we need to take a closer look, and embrace these words as coming from God. Passages in Holy Scripture can have more than one meaning, or have different levels of meanings. Any particular line in Holy Scripture must be understood in the context of all of Scripture and especially in context with those passages surrounding it. Unfortunately everyone is so focused on the line “wives be subject to your husbands,” that context is often lost. We need to look at the whole of St. Paul’s teaching on marriage. After we seek understanding, then we can enter into prayer and ask guidance on how this scripture applies to our very circumstances. Others of Significance First, we may have heard that the family is a model of the Holy Trinity. We say that the love between God the Father and God the Son is so great that the Holy Ghost proceeds from Them — in a similar manner, the love between husband and wife begets children. But note, the family is not the Holy Trinity, it just models the Holy Trinity. In the same way we see St. Paul making marriage, the relation between the husband and wife, a model of Christ and the Church. Note that this is a model or type — the husband and wife aren’t actually Christ and His Church. While this would seem obvious, sometimes the distinction gets lost as the words used to describe reality and prototype merge. According to St. Paul’s model, the husband is the type of Christ; the wife the type of the Church. Christ physically “enters” His Church in the Holy Eucharist. The husband “enters” the wife in marriage. These are realities. Christ is the protector of the Church; the husband is the protector of the family. The Church is subject to Christ. Yet also the Church is the Mystical Body of Christ. This is why St. Paul says of the husband: “He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever hateth his own flesh.” This hearkens back to Genesis: “the two shall be one flesh.” The parallels continue: Adam says of Eve, “This now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man” (emphasis added). The Church was born from the side of Christ on Good Friday. Woman is originally born from the rib — or the side — of man. So with these similarities, we can see why husband and wife take on their respective prototypical roles. It is hard for some people to acknowledge these evident typologies in Scripture on account of the very sobering historical reality of relations between men and women. We know that in reality and throughout history some men and societies have (because of their physical strength and power) placed women as inferior to men and have subjected women to all kinds of outrage and abuse. This continues, especially in pornography, which is so widespread today. This was prophesized in Genesis. After God has found Adam and Eve in their guilt, God admonishes Eve, saying: “I will multiply thy sorrows, and thy conceptions: in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children, and thou shalt be under thy husband’s power; he shall have dominion over thee.” The natural order has been broken and thus true charity is turned into selfish desires and struggles for power. However the dominion of man over woman that God admonishes Eve with is not the same subjection St. Paul talks about — for St. Paul, Apostle and bishop of the Church, is raising women out of the sorrow bequeathed them by Eve. While many societies and religions have placed women as inferior, it is the Catholic Church that has raised the dignity of women to be the same as that of man, in part because the Church sees in women a reflection of herself — and because the dignity of women is a God-made reality. Note that St. Paul describes wives’ subjection to their husbands as the type for the Church’s subjection to Christ. Does the Church feel cheated because she is formed from the side of Christ? Does the Church feel slighted because she must follow Christ (to her salvation)? Yet the hairs rise on the necks of feminists when women are made the type of the Church. Christ loves the Church. It is the object of His great affection. Women are made the type of this image of Christ’s affection. How can one take offence? The wife should embrace the honor given her as a type of the Church: that instrument of Christ, that bride of Christ, through which graces flow — through which all men come to their salvation. Women are the type of this worthy bride! Dignity and Service In fact, it is the husband who should pale at and fear the words of Ephesians. He is asked to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the Church, His bride? Through suffering and death; by opening His side and pouring out every drop of His precious life-blood. This is what husbands are asked to do for their wives as the type of Christ — love without counting the cost, without ceasing. St. Paul says that the husband must sanctify his wife. Just as Christ cleanses and purifies His bride so that she can approach the Father “not having a spot or wrinkle,…but should be holy and without blemish”, thus also, the husband must present his bride to God — having made her “holy and without blemish.” We need to take this new understanding — which has only scratched the theological surface — to prayer so we can understand what it means in our own lives. All want to focus on their spouses' responsibilities instead of their own. It is easy for a man to tell his wife “You are not being subject to me!” But this is in reality a matter between her and her confessor. Or the woman to say to her husband, “You are not loving me as Christ does!” This is a matter between him and his confessor. Instead of examining each other’s consciences, we need to examine our own. For the woman, she should meditate on this passage in a new light — the light of embracing her vocation as wife, mother, and woman. She should always be mindful that she is the type of the Church and all that this entails. In her life as mother and wife, is she a vessel of love and grace to her family? Does she understand she is one flesh with her husband — or is she lured by the worldly image of “the independent woman”? For the man (and I can speak to this more readily), we find the tables have been turned. Instead of Ephesians 5 being an excuse for us to lord it over our families, we find it is an obligation of service. Recall Christ’s washing His disciples’ feet at the Last Supper. Again, it was the Lord who suffered on the Cross, not His Church. We are the types of Christ in our family. His leadership of the Church is one of charity and suffering. We must examine our consciences as husbands and fathers and ask ourselves: How do I suffer for my family? What sacrifices do I offer? Do I fast for my wife and children? How, when and how often do I pray and mortify myself for my family? Do I serve my family — giving all, or do I expect my wife and children to serve my needs? Do I lead family prayers? Do I lead by edict or by sacrificial example? What concrete efforts am I making to present my spouse to God as “holy and without blemish”? Whether we understand all the theological prototypes in Ephesians or not, in the final analysis husband and wife must make charity for each other a priority. St. Paul begins his treatise on marriage with the words, “Being subject one to another, in the fear of Christ” (emphasis added). The Church, through the teaching of Sts. Peter and Paul on marriage, brings husband and wife to their greatest dignity. Christ has sanctified marriage; let us not sully it in our territorial selfishness. Instead of keeping score, as husbands and wives we must give until we have nothing left, until the last drop has fallen. If we want to truly take to heart St. Paul’s (and Christ’s) teaching on marriage, we need to stop setting boundaries on our service to each other. Instead, let us take to heart St. Paul’s great exhortation to charity in 1 Corinthians 13 ("love…endureth all things"), and St. Peter’s most practical admonishment for married couples: “for charity covereth a multitude of sins” (1 Pt 4:8) Copyright 2005 Jim Curley Jim Curley is the founder and publisher of Requiem Press, which publishes books focusing on Catholic history. He writes frequently about Catholic life, culture, and other topics on his blog at http://bethunecatholic.blogspot.com. He and his wife Lorelei raise and teach their 7 children in Bethune, South Carolina.

**For the man (and I can speak to this more readily), we find the tables have been turned. Instead of Ephesians 5 being an excuse for us to lord it over our families, we find it is an obligation of service.**

This is a wonderful interpretation of this Scripture.

"In fact, it is the husband who should pale at and fear the words of Ephesians."

Yes. And like many passages in the Bible, it is taken out-of-context and applied however it is most selfishly advantageous for the user. The end result, is to avoid having to confront one's own sin...

When we read Paul telling people how to behave, it is always a call for people to act in the most loving way possible to each other.

Historically, people have used the verses to beat up on the underlings and support the power base of those who want to act the way that they want. But it doesn't mean that the teaching is bad as much as it means that the people who misuse it, misuse it.

We are told, "By your fruits you shall know them."

Perhaps God knew a thing or two about human psychology, need, and what it took to keep men following Christ. Perhaps we should become fruit inspectors.

Where there is bad fruit, there will be people who choose their way over God's way.

It's should be taken all of it in context.
The feminist hate it because it teaches that the wife is under her husband's God ordained leadership and authority, however, God holds the husband to a greater responsibility, in Ehp 5:25 God calls the HUSBAND to love their wives as Christ loved the church, even giving himself for it ( as in , husbands should love their wives even to the point were he would have to give up his life ( if it ever came to that ) for her.

" Does that mean that Paul is endorsing slavery? "

Nope.

I do not believe that he or Christianity endorsed slavery, however, that was the times and age that he was living in, and even today we still have slavery in parts of the world.
I think Paul was trying to tell the slaves not to make matters worse and try to make a bad situation work out for the good.

I have lots of interesting church stories about this passage. LOL! Husbands tend to love it and wives hate it. Not all ministers avoid it, at least not in the SBC. Some are even obsessed with it. LOL! In my experience, the wives theory was that the pastor was preaching mainly to his own wife. LOL! Now, that wasn't my theory, but it was the theory of others. I was a kid at the time and had no stake in the issue.

I am not really bothered about women's roles because in my opinion, it's really a desire for power and self-glory to demand leadership in the home or church anyway. Someone has to give or there can be no leadership at all. While a woman may be smarter and wiser than a man sometimes, she is emotionally more fit for her God-given role. To be mad about that obvious fact is to elevate self over God. So it doesn't bother me. I'll be honest, though, I'm not great at being submissive. Fortunately my husband wants my advice a lot so things work fine for us. I don't know what a Christian woman is to do if her husband is very power crazy. Hopefully they attend a church where the pastor can set the man straight.

I always like to keep in mind that women raise the boys to be men. They become the men we shape them to be. So our job is VERY important.

"I do not believe that he or Christianity endorsed slavery, however, that was the times and age that he was living in, and even today we still have slavery in parts of the world. I think Paul was trying to tell the slaves not to make matters worse and try to make a bad situation work out for the good."

Because Paul's comments on slavery are part of his overall instructions in this part of his letter, which includes the instructions about wives and husbands, shouldn't all of the instructions be interpreted in the same way? Either as commands to be followed for all time and eternity, or as commands that fit the time and culture he lived in. We can't say that wives must submit to their husbands today, just as they did back in Paul's day, without also saying that slaves should be obedient to their masters today. Just my .02 on the matter.

You're right. Paul's writings were aimed at the near-Islamic Middle Eastern tribal cultures of the day, and no doubt he was just advising women to "make the best of a bad situation", much as some Muslim Imams do today.

It's funny and rather sad to watch modern commentators like the author of the article try to retrofit such ancient "woman=bad=dirty=unclean" tribal taboos to work in the modern world.

As the husband as the head of the household is in now way for the wife to be a slave.
God is the one who ordained for the husband to be the head authority and leader in the household, and is no way to diminish the part that the woman has in both " MAN & WOMAN in CHRIST ".
but, as a family unit, God placed the husband to be the head authority and leader, and placed much responsibility on the husband.
God placed both parents to be the authority over the children.
In God's universe, there is order, and without order ( as we see today in one parent households, and society ) we have chaos, and disorder, with much thanks to the feminist.

I didn't say that the wife is to be a slave. I'm saying that the instructions Paul is giving in Ephesians 5 and 6 are to husbands and wives, children and parents, and slaves and masters. And since they are all part of the same passage in the same letter, all the instructions should be treated the same. Either as timeless truths to be followed for all time, or as culturally relative instructions for a particular people of a particular time and culture.

Ladies, even though some women might disagree with some of things in the Bible's teaching about husbands and wives, it's was not up until Christianity came to this world that the Bible's teaching that woman finally were treated as humans and not 2 nd class citizens.
The Bible teaches us that men SHOULD love and respect the creation that God created in woman ( look at all the other religions compared to Christianity ).
Why do most feminist hate Christianity, but, embrace the other religions that make woman 2 nd class citizens and oppress women ? it's not because woman's rights or the treatment of woman, it's because of something else.
As I said here on FR many times, Feminism and Homosexuality is a demonic spirit, and when the anti Christ comes, the feminist and the homosexuals will be at the for front of oppression and persecution of Christians and ushering in the anti Christ.
Look at how the Liberal theologians are trying to rewrite Christian history and the Holy scriptures ?
Look at how the homosexuals are saying what the Bible says about homosexuality is not what it really says.
What we are seeing today is the watering down the Holy Bible, and rewriting of God's word.

I think what Paul is teaching is God's ordained order, and authority, and Governing authority.
I do not believe that Paul was trying to make the same case with husbands and wives as the case with slaves.
Paul was basically laying down a fundamental principle of authoritative order in the family and society.
We ( you and I ) are under the authority of our local, state, and federal government, and the Bible teaches us that those governmental authorities are under God's authority and direction regardless if they are Godly or not.

We can debate this and disagree, however, yes, that was a different time and culture, but ? do you honestly think that God would want the family unit, or structure to be different than what has lasted for thousands of years, and works if it is a Godly , loving family ?
Do you honestly think God wants wives to be rebellious towards him and their husbands ? do you honestly think God wants children to rebel towards their parents ( even though it's in the human nature to rebel against God and authority ).
The thing that caused Satan to fall is that he wanted to be as GOD or in the same seat or authority as God, and we know what happened to Satan.
That's the same kind of spirit that is in the feminist.

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