Posted on 02/22/2007 11:55:32 AM PST by DouglasKC
We have no choice but to employ the world's funniest joke.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IysnS5wO60g
Did you get K's permission to post that?
One muffin says "Wow, it's getting pretty hot in here."
The other muffin says "EEeeek! A talking muffin!"
Christ stated that if we lived and believed in him, we would NEVER die. I believe Him. - Of course, I'm sure there is always the "variant" translation that proves the religious dogma or theory of whatever one wants to believe, or whatever guru to which they subscribe.
I remember reading years ago in some "Worldwide Church of God" material that in the NT quote from Christ concerning "in my Father's house are many MANSIONS" really meant "in my Father's house are many DEAD PEOPLE" because the word "mansion" really meant "dead people" in the original language. - This, of course, was to prove Herbert W. Armstrong's assertion that we DIE and lie there as a DEAD PERSON until the resurrection of our bodies.
Any linguistic experts on today? I don't believe that the word "mansions" in Hebrew means "dead people". I think it more likely means just that - mansion: a nice, large, comfortable dwelling place. - When the Bible translation can be gyrated around by gurus, it's really convenient, for the gurus' bank accounts, that is.
Having said that, how ever the Lord does it all, it will be done perfectly.
Heh...that Taco Bell commericial with the two lions came on the other day. I was telling the wife that the first time I saw it I caught myself saying "that's not right, two male lions wouldn't be seen together like that."
Then I realized I apparently had no problem with the fact that they were ~talking~ about Taco Bell...
LOLOLOL!
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
I don't think that's accurate. I found some old literature and this is what Worldwide Church of God taught about "mansions":
2. Does the Bible give us a clear idea of where the resurrected saints will be and what they will be doing after Christ returns? Revelation 5:10. What did Christ say He is preparing for them? John 14:2-3.
COMMENT: "Mansions" is an improper translation. The correct rendering is "abodes" or "dwelling places." In this case the abodes refer to rooms in the "Father's house" or God's Temple. In Old Testament times the rooms in the temple were occupied by God's priests. These rooms represent positions of authority—those positions which the saints will be given in God's ruling Kingdom at Christ's return!
These positions will not be in heaven. Christ plainly said He was going to heaven to "prepare" a position of authority for each Christian. But it is only when He comes to earth again that these positions will be awarded.
When Jesus returns to this earth, as King of kings, He will tell the saints: "Come, ye blessed... inherit the Kingdom, PREPARED FOR YOU" (Matthew 25:34). And the Scriptures declare that they will rule all nations here on earth, having POSITIONS OF AUTHORITY in God's Kingdom!
LOLOLOL! I do so enjoy the humor going into the weekend.
They ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong, and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know some of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dic-", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't pee out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!
I had never seen that one before, pretty good!
There are a lot of funny jokes here but I love this doctor one... and the frying eggs one... and ...
Ok here's my submission:
A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am but was caught by the Chief Petty Officer. Upon hearing the sailor's lame excuse for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!
The sailor picked up the broom, as he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the gull off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. It left, only to return and land once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted gull returned. When morning came, the chief petty officer returned to check his wayward sailor's progress.
"What have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?"
"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
""Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
Boo, booo; oh boo, boo, boo!
Wow. . it seems that the Bible has just been translated all wrong except for Garner Ted Armstrong and Herbert W. Armstrong . . or whoever. I used to read their magazine many years ago. I can assure you that they rendered the meaning of "mansions" as "dead people" not "positions of authority". I was quite young, but not completely gullible, and the term "dead people" made a lasting impression on me at that time. When you can twist words, then it is time for people to look the translations up on the internet - which ordinary people can do now from independent sources.
It is my opinion, from sixty years of living and seeing a lot of religious manipulation of people, myself included, that when that final curtain is brought down by the Lord that it is more important who one believes rather than what they believe about all the intricacies of someone's pet theories . . and that PERSON had darn well be JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH, THE SON OF THE LIVING GOD . . and it had darn well better be that He is believed fully well enough to OBEY HIS WORDS and KEEP HIS COMMANDMENTS.
I don't know, and I'm not the judge of Garner Ted Armstrong, Christ is the ultimate Judge (unless Herbert has deemed that scripture naming Him the Judge a mistranslation as well) . . but if I remember correctly, he did not ultimately believe Christ (evidently) enough to keep his nose clean. I hope he got straightened out, but, frankly, I felt like I had wasted God's time reading and listening to his stuff on radio and in that magazine.
I can't remember any scripture that states that if we do not toe the WWCoG line, our salvation is down the tubes.
From what you have told everyone, you and I are about the same age. I have been reading "Church of God" literature since adolescence, and I'm here to tell you that you are mistaken. The reason I know this to be the case is because I don't recall that rendering of John 14:2........ at all!
When you can twist words, then it is time for people to look the translations up on the internet - which ordinary people can do now from independent sources.
One of the things I can remember best was the constant reminder to prove all things. Get your own concordance, get your own interlinear, learn some Greek.....and "Don't believe me...believe your Bibles!" Doesn't sound too much like anyone was trying to twist words....at least from my perspective.
If you would care to reacquaint yourself with what was actually taught you may start ... here and then go here , but I don't believe you'll ever find your rendition among these works.
Christ . . and Him having been crucified. .
Hmm..mm . . this is my opinion of the WWCoG and why it is so vitally important to the hierarchy that no one believe that to be absent from the body is "to be present with the Lord" as Paul wrote. In fact, he seemed anxious to go on out of here to be present with the Lord (unless, I suppose this passage has been mistranslated as well). I think there is the possibility that if we get scared enough that we will go to sleep and won't ever wake up if we don't join the WWCoG, we will rush to join the WWCoG and send our donations on up to headquarters. Excuse me, but I am understandably skeptical of rich organizations and human beings that think they are "the only right one". I've had a full belly of religious control freaks (and not necessarily all WWCoG) who use fear and alarm tactics and manipulation to make us fear crossing a "man of God" - who is all the while lining his pockets, consorting with prostitutes and laughing all the way to the bank. I've seen this in other religious quarters; don't know about WWCoG all that much except for some sort of off behavior of Garner Ted, a once very high profile WWCoG example.)
You're right about people needing to take care of their own translations. I am decidedly not lying about what I read those many years ago in the WWCoG material article. Perhaps it was an article by Garner Ted in one of his more distracted moments. - By all means people should read the WWCoG stuff and decide for themselves if they want to. I am just a weak vessel and not an authority of any kind.
Who writes this stuff? A sailor with an unauthorized absence is UA, not AWOL. Besides all that... it's not a wall, it's a bulkhead.
It was a cut and paste job. Sorry.
BTW, if this were an "official" neener weekend thread, I would be forced to nuke you for making serious comments on the thread. But since this thread is a hijacked neener thread and not an official neener weekend thread, I will have to grant you absolution.
However, before you leave you have to post a joke. Otherwise I will be forced to track you down on another thread and nuke you there.
Thanks.
Marlowe
Lord Protector of the Fraternal Order of the Knights of the Eternal Time Table and Grand Advocate for the High Council of the Order of the Eternal Exclamation Point (without asterisk) and the Knights who say Neener Neener Neener.
{!} N3
A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar and up to the counter.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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