Marry my couch

I’ve decided that the gay community is right. You should be allowed to marry whomever or whatever you want. To hell with tradition and all that other crap, live and let live that’s my new motto. As for me, I want to marry my couch. I think about it and honestly believe that this is a match made in heaven (for those of you open minded to smart for God people the match could be made at an Obama sighting what could be better than that!) My couch and I have been together for over 15 years. It’s broken in just the way I like it. It has forgiven me for sitting on other couches and doesn’t show the least bit of jealousy. In short, my couch understands me and doesn’t judge my little dalliances with other furniture items because after all I always come home to it and I never use the word love with any piece but mine. My couch has sagged a bit over the years, then again so have I. If my couch hasn’t judged me, I shouldn’t judge it. When it comes to marrying my couch I say, why not? What is marriage anyway? Isn’t a marriage just some inane ceremony between two entities who love each other with unconditional abandon? Sounds like us. We never fight and we sleep together whenever I feel the need (if you know what I mean). Again, what is marriage about? When I die (with this great Obama economy my couch has no choice but to out last me) my couch should be entitled to all my worldly possessions. Why should the couch be made to suffer? I have finally seen the light and I’m so happy. I used to think that marriage was something more than a mere formality that did nothing more than legally bind two (or more) entities so that you don’t have to fight over their crap when they die. I used to think marriage was a sacred ceremony committing a man and a woman with one another for the rest of their lives. A means of bringing those two people together in order to procreate and further the species. What a sap. Now, here’s my dilemma. You see, the liberals have me confused. I’ve gotten over that whole God thing. I mean they told me there was no God, science has proved it. So, I have to worship science. Now, if marriage isn’t a sacred religious event, it must be a scientific one, right? Homosexuals have been offered civil unions which would entitle each the same legal rights as any heterosexual couple. It would give each person the ability to make do not resuscitate orders, powers of attorney, property and monetary rights, even parental rights. Not good enough says the “gay” community. They don’t seem so gay to me. They always seem upset over one thing or another, but I digress. No, they MUST have marriage. And we all MUST accept and recognize it. If you don’t, they will show you their wrath. Look at some of the incidents in California when the people in a democratic fashion voted to disallow gay marriage. I suppose that’s why the politicians in New York have decided to do away with all that democracy stuff and just push it down the throats of the citizenry (please no cheap gay jokes here). The state of New York thinks it knows better than its people what they need. I think Governor Patterson needs to google the word fascism. Hitler thought he knew best too! So, what about science? How about that procreation and survival of the species thing. I mean all the creatures of the earth do it. There are some species that live only to procreate then they die. I am told that homosexual marriage is not only ok it’s normal and needs to be accepted. According to most gay people heterosexuals are nothing more than repressed homosexuals anyway. So what about the science? Will evolution make human beings asexual in the future? I don’t know. I know this it probably won’t happen in the next hundred years. I guess this marriage thing has more to do with just legal stuff after all. Perhaps it isn’t just science that keeps us going. If marriage were simply about love, I don’t think you would need it. I mean not much is accomplished by it. You pay higher taxes. If one of you has bad credit and the other good once you’re married you now both have bad credit (learned that one from personal experience). So what is it? What drives us to be married? I can only speak for myself. My wife and I had actually been living together for nearly ten years when we decided we wanted children. I was my wife who stepped up and said fine, but we’ll be married before God when we conceive our children. It wasn’t some legal maneuver that she was interested in. My life insurance and all my worldly goods were already signed over to her through a legal will. It was about our children. It was about having one family name, and blessing our union before God for our future children’s sake. The gay community seems to want to make a mockery out of anything traditional. It seems to me that they do this to try and normalize that which just isn’t normal. I have nothing against gay people, I truly don’t. I think love is elusive, if you find it and that’s where you’re comfortable so be it. But please, don’t try and tell me it’s normal. Simply not true. I would like to ask gay people why you feel it necessary to desecrate that which I hold sacred? I’m not telling you that you can’t be with whomever you want, I just don’t want you to call it marriage. Problem with the gay community, like so many special interest groups on the left, they lack any ability to compromise. It’s their way or hell to pay. They’ll infiltrate a Sunday church service and throw condoms around and yell at people for praying to God. I believe I used the word before, fascism. Fascists don’t compromise, they bully. You either think the way they do or they want to kick your ass. I’m not afraid of you though. I’m not a bad person for disagreeing with you. I happen to think you’re wrong on this issue and it’s about time conservatives stood up and said so.

My Dog is my dependent, quite (happily) clearly.

Sorry to hard to read-but have fun humping the cushions!

This is disgusting! How can you post this without paragraph breaks! Shame!

Don’t you flying rodents believe in paragraphs? Geeesh!

Sorry. I’ll try to make it easier to read

Please Help Keep The Lights On

Just funnin’ ya ...

if a man, a woman, another man,
a chimp and a refrigerator
want to say they are married,
it is fine with me,
as long as it is not forcefully applied
across state lines

Do you have a consenting coach?
If so you are ok.
If not; you will need to have the coach get a signed power of attorney, and then you 2 can get married.

His coach has nothing to do with it. He’s in love with his COUCH.

"How's the marriage, going, Rocket?"

"Sofa, so good!"

“His coach has nothing to do with it. He’s in love with his COUCH.”

That’s what he wants you to think!

Marry my couch

I bet you're seeing a loveseat on the side.

My couch and I have been together for over 15 years. It’s broken in just the way I like it.

THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!

Who ever heard of marrying an inanimate object?

Well, on second thought. . . .

>I believe I used the word before, fascism. Fascists don’t compromise, they bully.

And then they get shot by American patriots.... or am I learning the wrong lesson from WWII?

Well, I know for sure that my couch has taken far less of my money than either of my ex-wives - and never objects to my digging in its cushions to get it back!

Ain’t Love Divan.

I have several hundred trees on my property that I tend to. Can I claim them as dependents? They don’t talk back and generally don’t have problems. Zero taxes would be great!