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SATIRE: Progressive Parents Devastated After Son Comes Out As Straight
Babylon Bee ^

Posted on 05/02/2019 4:42:44 PM PDT by Sub-Driver

Progressive Parents Devastated After Son Comes Out As Straight

May 2nd, 2019

OAKVALE, CA—Progressive parents Willow and Arthur Riverstone are reeling after their son Sebastien came out to them as straight.

"This is a bombshell we'll be feeling for the rest of our lives," Arthur told reporters. "I mean, we love our son and we want to support him, but we never thought he'd be one of the straights."

Sebastien, who is fourteen and currently attending Oakvale Highschool as a freshman, broke the news to them last Wednesday when he wanted to invite a girl named Sophia to come over and hang out.

"We were hoping she was at least transgendered, but no dice," said Willow.

"We're still trying to decide if we would attend the wedding if you know... he's serious about this," Arthur said. "I just wasn't prepared for this. We didn't raise him this way. I mean, what's he going to do? Give us grandkids? I don't know how the environment is going to handle this, let alone me and my wife." The man broke down sobbing.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; chat; notnews; satire
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Too close.........
1 posted on 05/02/2019 4:42:44 PM PDT by Sub-Driver
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To: Sub-Driver

Insanity , they should not be reproducing


2 posted on 05/02/2019 4:44:50 PM PDT by butlerweave
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These people are SICK, wicked, and ungodly. SMH.


3 posted on 05/02/2019 4:46:29 PM PDT by BlackFemaleArmyColonel (No weapon formed against me shall prosper! (Isaiah 54:17))
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To: Sub-Driver
Boy-Or-Girl
how much does a forensic anthropologist make a year

4 posted on 05/02/2019 4:47:41 PM PDT by SkyDancer ( ~ Just Consider Me A Random Fact Generator ~ Eat Sleep Fly Repeat ~)
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To: Sub-Driver

LOL


5 posted on 05/02/2019 4:48:26 PM PDT by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold ......)
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To: Sub-Driver

I guess you’ll have to put the “satire” tag in the headline - too many people are believing this story already

*It’s the Babylon Bee everybody!!*


6 posted on 05/02/2019 4:48:35 PM PDT by canuck_conservative
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To: Sub-Driver

It’ll be illegal to be gay and want therapy because you think it’s life style is sick.


7 posted on 05/02/2019 4:49:26 PM PDT by the_daug
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To: BlackFemaleArmyColonel

Satire site.


8 posted on 05/02/2019 4:49:41 PM PDT by Rusty0604 (2020 four more years!)
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To: Sub-Driver

Fortunately, it isn’t too late for a 59th-trimester abortion.


9 posted on 05/02/2019 4:50:58 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: Sub-Driver

This is why homosexuals should never be allowed near kids, theirs or adopted, or anywhere.


10 posted on 05/02/2019 4:51:02 PM PDT by Reno89519 (No Amnesty! No Catch-and-Release! Just Say No to All Illegal Aliens! Arrest & Deport!)
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To: canuck_conservative
*It’s the Babylon Bee everybody!!*
Some people get their exercise by jumping to conclusions, others are just thick headed.
11 posted on 05/02/2019 4:51:34 PM PDT by dainbramaged (If you want a friend, rescue a pit bull.)
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To: canuck_conservative

My first thought was, “is it or isn’t it?” I mean, this is not at all unbelievable. Swift would be stumped as to how to satirize the left.


12 posted on 05/02/2019 4:52:45 PM PDT by chesley (What is life but a long dialog with imbeciles? - Pierre Ryckmans)
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To: Sub-Driver

These are the type that in the real world would have, or should have child protective services pay a visit!


13 posted on 05/02/2019 4:54:59 PM PDT by patriot torch
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To: Sub-Driver

Willow,,,


14 posted on 05/02/2019 4:56:32 PM PDT by steveo
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To: Sub-Driver

What used to be obvious satire, is not so obvious in an insane world.


15 posted on 05/02/2019 4:58:26 PM PDT by rhombus10
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To: canuck_conservative

That’s the fun..........like fly fishin’


16 posted on 05/02/2019 4:58:45 PM PDT by Sub-Driver (Proud member of the Republican wing of the Republican Party)
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To: patriot torch

Today, if your little boy wants to wear a dress to school and you don’t let him - you WILL get a visit from CPS. No joke. If the boy is over 13 (my state) they can take him away from you for “child abuse” and start hormone treatments.


17 posted on 05/02/2019 4:59:03 PM PDT by 21twelve (!)
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To: BlackFemaleArmyColonel

babylonbee


18 posted on 05/02/2019 5:00:55 PM PDT by TexasGator (Z1z)
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To: Sub-Driver

98+% of the population is straight and they are shocked? How far did they go "nurturing" the poor kid the other way so as to be shocked that the programming failed. Dig deeper and there might be a child abuse case here.


19 posted on 05/02/2019 5:01:29 PM PDT by so_real ( "The Congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools.")
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To: canuck_conservative

There was one yesterday … 23 posts and no one noticed.


20 posted on 05/02/2019 5:01:54 PM PDT by TexasGator (Z1z)
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