Free Republic

Responding to criticism that its initial diversity version of Moby Dick was merely a "fish tale in blackface", Barnes and Noble vowed to radically restructure Melville's ponderous tome To begin with, the whale will no longer be a neutral symbol of unstoppable, remorseless nature. Rather, it will be recast as a sort of immense guardian whale shepherd who protects the more vulnerable members of the "oppressed cetacean community" from the "genocidal depredations of a heartless, hypocritical Christo-fascist patriarchy who would despoil the Earth itself in its hysterical racist fear of ….. The Darkness."

Our reader, who is a U.S. Army officer, has sent us the screenshot below showing that The People's Cube has been blocked by the DoD Enterprise-Level Protection System due to "hate and racism" - a blatantly false label applied by someone on the government payroll, whose salary comes out of our taxes. When I lived in the Soviet Union, my speech was expected to be blocked as politically unreliable and not aligned with the government's collectivist, socialist agenda. Such was the default setting and there was nothing I could do about it. At the time I assumed that if I...

Following yesterday's Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink "pussyhats" and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs. Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump's doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can't name a single right that men have and women don't. Another reason to be enraged was, of course, that while they were...

The artistic genius behind the highly acclaimed conservative satirical site The People's Cube has been arrested and released on $8,000 bail for putting up pro-Israel posters to combat a pro-Islamist conference at George Mason University. He now faces the prospect of five years in prison for allegedly committing a "class 6 felony."Beloved satirist Oleg Atbashian (who has contributed to PJ Media) has gotten in trouble for defying authorities before: "Back in my Soviet dissident days, when I was collecting signatures in defense of Andrei Sakharov, I was screamed at, threatened, and lectured by the KGB and Communist functionaries," Oleg says. "What I never imagined was...

Glorious news, comrades! Finally the hour has arrived. No more browsing the web for the Kurrent Truth™. From now on, all news networks will be fused, by decree of Dear Leader himself. The Pravdamerika will report to you the Truth! Not the nasty truth like in the so-called "reality," but the korrekted, pleasant Kurrent Truth™ of the Party. It will be like a balmy spring rain for a thirsty proletarian peasant. At the last council of (evil) the proletarian korrectified media, it was decided that cooperating in one big mainstream media superpower would be far more efficient in the eternal...

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT RUSH: Let me tell you what happened to me on Saturday. On Saturday I was supposed to play golf and I said, "You know what? I'm gonna sleep in." I was zapped. I was tired. So I decided to sleep in. I was getting... Saturday was kind of like Christmas 'cause I was expecting a big FedEx of cigars, and when they come on Saturday I have FedEx hold 'em rather than deliver 'em 'cause sometimes nobody's home. I don't trust the delivery on Saturday. I don't want the stuff staying over the weekend somewhere because it's tobacco...

On this day, 1 April 2015, the People's Cube is celebrating ten glorious years of unstoppable revolutions. Jubilant masses of correctly educated workers, peasants, and unwashed toiling intelligentsia are coming together in towns and villages around the world, carrying People's Cube posters, peacefully hurling red cubes at the capitalist classes, and spontaneously chanting Party-approved slogans: People's CubeLong live the Glorious World of Next Tuesday! Hurrah! Cheers for our beloved comrade Red Square, People's Director! We need more visual agitation and propaganda to tell us what to think! There is no truth but the Current Truth We demand equality of results!...

It has become our New Year tradition to team up with Will Beria, our Listmaster of Things that Didn't Happen, and make an official statement. See our lists for the years of 2012 and 2013. This time, however, instead of a summary of things that didn't happen in the past year, we are offering a list of Top Ten Things To Come in the coming year. 1. Recovery will reach escape velocity and escape the economy altogether 2. All executive orders will be declared constitutional by executive order 3. Robert Kennedy Jr. will apologize for being white and male, blaming...

The USSA’s Center for Disease and Gun Control has announced that the State will not impose any travel restrictions due to the Ebola outbreak until after the November 4 elections to ensure that all workers and peasants can have free access to ballots and polling places during this critical struggle for Progress. Comrade Disease Director Thomas Frieden has declared that Ebola is only ‘semi-transmittable’ and therefore only official Party-certified doctors can actually impose quarantines on an as-needed basis. In the meantime, those who believe they are exhibiting symptoms, while not contagious until after the November 2 elections, are asked to...

At His Majesty's Superior Residency, begun and held in Washington, D.C. in the fifth reign of Barack Obama I, by the grace of Government, socialism, political correctness, and social justice, King, Defender of the Faithless, has, by his greatness, and moral superiority, thus declared that the racist and bigoted offensive name Washington "REDSKINS" should be changed to a more fitting and progressive title, worthy of the mediocrity it so deserves.

Shepard Fairey, the creator of the famous Obama “Hope” poster, made news last week with another piece of bizarre visual propaganda, this time denouncing America’s habit of clinging to guns and religion. He produced the poster last month in support of the failing anti-gun legislation, and most recently had it printed on hundreds of protest signs in anticipation of a massive anti-gun rally in Washington. From sympathetic Buzzfeed.com: “Artist Shepard Fairey will paper downtown D.C. Thursday with copies of a new work aimed at reigniting the push for gun control.” Reality check: the advertised Occupy The NRA rally attracted only...

Every year in the United States nearly a half million children are tragically killed. The top two causes of these deaths are: 1) Car Accidents 2) Drowning Yes, the pro-car lobby will wail and gnash their teeth, and the NCA will have a hissy fit. But how long can a civilized, democratic society allow our children (and adults) to be maimed and killed by these cars and fluids? Every year, 260,000 children are killed and 1,000,000 injured in car accidents. A significant number of these deaths and injuries are perpetrated by semi-automatic assault cars. Every year, 175,000 children are killed...

The following hard-hitting, well-reasoned editorial will be appearing in most of our finest daily newspapers in the next few weeks as soon as we call them up and instruct ask them to print it. Be on the lookout for it so you can spring into action and start writing letters of approval as soon as it appears. We're Not All That Impressed With This Romney Chap We here at the (insert name of paper here) are a fair, open-minded, tolerant bunch, as you would expect given our elevated social status. So, when an unknown, inexperienced politician named Willard Mitt...

Another powerful emotional outburst from our comrade Tommie Trudeau. Are you happy now, Clint Eastwood? See what you have done to Tommi! It's your fault and don't you deny it! You stripped Chairman of his manhood, leaving only an empty chair! Now if your heart doesn't break at the sight of Tommi crying, you're not human - if Republicans are humans to begin with!

Now that Obama has started quoting Jesus, the toiling masses need a special chart in order to understand the Bible and what those passages really mean in progressive, Obamunist terms. So I made such a chart for you: the kinder, gentler, smarter, less embarassing version of the Bible. Enjoy!

I wish to go into partnership with you. -I will provide no capital or funding. -You will put up all of the capital. -You will provide all of the labor. -I will tell you what you can sell, make, how to build, who you can hire and fire and how you conduct business. -Each year you will give me one half of your profit. You must pay me twelve percent of what you pay your employees (for administration and rule making). Next year you must provide health insurance for your employees. If you decide to sell, you must pay me...

TV comedian Steven Colbert recently went to the Occupy Wall Street rally in Che costume and picked a couple of "nice, clean, and idealistic" OWS protesters whom he later took to his pretend posh condo over Ziccotti Park and tried to seduce them with money and creature comforts. And now Americans on the both sides of the moral divide are trying to figure out what Colbert's "co-occupation" of Wall Street really meant. But a funnier, and more revealing clip with one of these activists named "Ketchup" comes from real life - protesting while stoned - captured on video and posted...

Comrades, a new conspiracy theory has emerged but unlike the "birthers", it is one we can and should (and will) embrace. I am talking about the RACERS, or those of us who cling obsessively but correctly to the idea that all criticism of Dear Born-in-Hawaii Leader Obama has no basis in reality but is purely an expression of racism. This term has its origins with an enemy of the people but like any good prog, I don't care, I just take what I think is necessary to promote the common good. Now, many of you reading this are asking (not...

As if Rocky J. Squirrel hasn't damaged the cause of progressivism enough, his anti-big-government stand is now being joined by Oliver: a super-squirrel with dubious conservative and right-wing Christian leanings. Oliver's Tale: A Squirrel’s Story of Love, Courage, and Revolution was written by Paul Ibbetson, a radio talk show host from Kansas who has interviewed us twice and claims to be a fan of this website. In some ways, his Acorn-crunching Tea Party Animal with God-given superpowers may as well have leaped straight from our web pages - or from Orwell's Animal Farm for that matter.

The GOP establishment is appalled: a young tea party activist and Navy veteran, who was once seen dressed up as Che Guevara holding a "Communists For Kerry" sign, may now defeat their moderate candidate in the primaries and take a seat in the U.S. Congress - the very place he claims is out of control and needs to be cleaned up. It's funny how life turns out. That "Communists For Kerry" sign was designed by me, on this very computer. Meet Jason Sager from Florida's 5th Congressional District, formerly Comrade J.F. Che from the crazy summer of 2004 in New...