Conservative Republicans vs. Liberal Democrats ... a comparison.

She realized all of a sudden that she was lost. She reduced her altitude until she saw a man walking below her. She called to him,

"Excuse me ... please help ... I am lost. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I have no idea where I am. Can you help me?"

The man pulled a portable GPS unit from his poocket and consulted it for a moment before replying,

"You are in a hot air balloon 30 feet off the ground at an elevation of 2454 feet. Your location is precisely 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees 49.97 minutes west longitude."

"Well, everything you just told me is technically correct ... but I still have no idea where I am. Your information is meaningless and unhelpful ... and I am still lost. Typical of a conservative Republican."

"Well, you have no idea where you are or where you are going. You've risen to this position in life due to a large volume of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep. You expect someone else ... ME ... to solve your problem for you. After I answered your question, you are in exactly the same condition you were before we talked but now armed with information that could help you if you were more prepared ... but now, somehow, your predicament is MY fault. Typical of a liberal Democrat!"

Great, my older son sent me a similiar thing. Then someone posted the reverse about a sheepherder and a rich yuppie in a luxury car.

I will see if I get it right. If I'm wrong someone will correct me:

The rich yuppie drove up to the sheepherder and asked if he guessed how many sheep were in the herd. The sheep herder would have to given him one of his sheep.

The sheepherder made the bet, and the rich yuppie hit the keys of his special GPS that enabled him to take a satellite picture of the herd and run it through a special scanner that converted the sheep into numbers into and Excel spread sheet. A minute later, the voice driven on board computer said that there were 867 sheep in the herd.

The rich yuppie told the sheepherder that he had 867 sheep in his herd. The sheep herder said that was right and told the yuppie to take one of his sheep.

After the yuppie loaded the "sheep" into his luxury car, the sheep herder said, "If I can tell you if you are smart or stupid and your political party, you have to give me my animal back and your luxury car."

The yuppie laughed at the sheep herder and said go ahead.

The sheep herder said "You are a liberal democrat and a dumb one at that."

The yuppie said "Yes, I'm a liberal democrat, but how did you know that, and I'm not dumb.

The sheepherder, "Yes, you are dumb because you thought that my dog was a sheep and you put it in your luxury car that is about to be mine thanks to you making a dumb bet."

The Yuppie was crawling out of the car with the dog now barking at him and said, "How did you know that I was a liberal democrat!"

The sheepherder said, "You drive up in a luxury car and want something of mine for nothing, and then you couldn't tell the difference between a dog and a sheep. That makes you a liberal democrat, wanting something for nothing without working for it. Then if you don't know the difference between a dog and a sheep, that proves you are dumb. Also, your Clinton/Gore bumper sticker was a good clue. Therefore you are a Dumb Liberal Democrat!

The sheep herder got into his new luxury car with his dog on his lap and drove off herding his sheep with the car's horn, leaving the Dumb Liberal Democrat milling around with the other sheep.

My friend and fellow lawyer, Sherry, told me a true story that epitomizes the difference between conservatives and liberals.

Sherry is a conservative Republican. Her mother died when Sherry was in her 20's. Sherry goes regularly to the cemetery with flowers on Memorial Day.

Sherry was talking to her friend and fellow lawyer, about her visits to the cemetery. Her fellow lawyer worked for the ACLU. She and Sherry had met in law school and had maintained the acquaintance.

Sherry told her friend that there were graves around her mother's grave that looked as if they never had visitors, so Sherry had gotten into the habit of picking up a few extra flowers and decorating the neglected graves.

Sherry's friend enthusiastically responded that she had noticed the same thing or her own visits to the cemeteries. So, she had decided to go back later, when the visitors were gone. Then, she decided which graves had more flowers than they needed, stole flowers from those graves, and redistributed them to the empty graves.

If this doesn't give a glimpse into the relative worldviews of a conservative and a liberal, I don't know what does.

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