Conservative Republicans vs. Liberal Democrats ... a comparison.

She realized all of a sudden that she was lost. She reduced her altitude until she saw a man walking below her. She called to him,

"Excuse me ... please help ... I am lost. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I have no idea where I am. Can you help me?"

The man pulled a portable GPS unit from his poocket and consulted it for a moment before replying,

"You are in a hot air balloon 30 feet off the ground at an elevation of 2454 feet. Your location is precisely 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees 49.97 minutes west longitude."

"Well, everything you just told me is technically correct ... but I still have no idea where I am. Your information is meaningless and unhelpful ... and I am still lost. Typical of a conservative Republican."

"Well, you have no idea where you are or where you are going. You've risen to this position in life due to a large volume of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep. You expect someone else ... ME ... to solve your problem for you. After I answered your question, you are in exactly the same condition you were before we talked but now armed with information that could help you if you were more prepared ... but now, somehow, your predicament is MY fault. Typical of a liberal Democrat!"

We have a lot of sheep down here on the coast. I cleaned up the joke a little bit and uncolored it and left Je$$e's name out of it.

My son sent the one that engineers send out. Their jokes are brutal.

One of his best jokes:

An engineer, Rabbi, Catholic Priest and an eye doctor were trying to play 18 holes of golf one afternoon. They were behind a single golfer and his caddy. The golfer was the worse golfer they had ever seen. It took him 5 minutes to tee off and to address each ball. He never putted out in less than 10 putts that were all over the green. If there was a water trap he was in it, a trap, he was in it, a rough he was in it. Before each shot his caddy laid down and put the head of his club against the ball. He still missed the ball 50% of his swings.

Finally the Rabbi went up to talk to his caddy. The Rabbi came back crying and shaking his head. He told them the poor guy was blind. The Rabbi felt so guilty, he had to quit playing that day and go home.

The priest got down on his knees and prayed to ask for forgiveness and mercy for the blind golfer. Then he left with the Rabbi.

The eye doctor took one of his business cards and wrote please call me for a free visit to give to the blind golfer.

As the eye doctor got ready to go over with his card, he realized that the engineer was still mad and just glaring at the blind guy.

The eye doc asked the engineer if there was anything he wanted to say to the poor blind man.

The engineer, yelled, "Tell that stupid SOB to go home. If he wants to butcher the game of golf. Then do it at night and leave daylight golfing to the rest of us!"

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.