Posted on 04/05/2010 11:59:18 AM PDT by Loud Mime
My father passed away from this last year. It is hard, but caring for him is the best possible thing you could be doing with your time. There is no more honorable activity than honoring your parents.
Thanks to all of you!
I will be checking on the holistic route and lithium, B12. The geriatric specialist will be receiving a call.
Legalities are in order, but will be reviewed.
Caretakers, please note this part: I will continue to print a family newsletter - - it has helped, especially with the repeated questions and the confusion. Also, I noticed that Dad is very willing to read something that pertains to family, but will just turn 4 pages of a book then close it. The newsletter he reads over and over.
Hide the car keys - - great idea. Hide the high fat foods as well.
Thanks to all of you - - again.
Good luck, tough position.
Remember, at some point there is just nothing you can do and it is not your fault.
Exactly! I’m glad you posted affirming this as well.
At first, I guess, the main problem is that you feel as though you are lying to the person or treating them with disrespect if you just “go along” with what they are saying, much less participate in the “unreal” event (by saying, e.g., “That must have been a delicious lunch!”).
But after having fully gone this route — after the nurse (who’d spent decades caring for people with various types of dementia) made us feel that it was the right way to go — I can’t tell you how helpful it was to everyone involved.
I hope your Mom will be able to follow your advice. Maybe, as happened with us, she will even begin to notice that your dad gets some enjoyment out of his “memory” when it’s “confirmed” by her.
Also realizing that maybe at some level your dad knows he’s on the home stretch can be helpful. I now think that, besides the dementia, it’s simply human — if we have time and notice that death, or losing our mind totally, is coming, however slowly — it’s simply human to go back over the years and “relive” some of our experiences.
Thinking about it this way gave me a lot more patience. Like helping someone turn the pages of a photo album from long ago one last time. It also helped me feel confident I was actually being nice to my parent by participating in this process rather than, essentially, telling my parent to “stop it.”
I hear you.
My dad used an oxygen machine or oxygen tubes on the move. We had to have a plan to evacuate him any time the electricity might go off!
We did get this down pretty well. But we were fortunate that we had the flexibiltiy and money to take care of this. Once we had to get Dad out in the middle of the night; a huge storm and power out for miles. We had oxygen tubes, but they can go fast, so we wanted electricity for the machine! Just kept driving until we found a motel that had electricity. Got him in and got his machine hooked up and I stayed with him.
Went back to his house the next day and a huge tree had fallen on it and a power line was across the back door stoop. Yikes.
We could have gone to a hospital in an emergency, but we could do this and it worked better for us.
The dementia in my mother’s family is caused by a break down in the blood vessels in the brain. The problem is exacerbated by a hereditary blood disease that affects at least two percent of the population, but usually goes undiagnosed.
Keep us updated. Maybe we can refer back here with new ideas or research because it appears many are struggling with these issues and their parents.
It can also help with preventative ideas. My goal is prevention for my family so I do a lot of research.
Prayers to you and family!
I believe what started all this is when Dad basically told the world to go to he... and he started sitting on his butt and watching TV. He kept saying “I’ve paid my dues” and would not do a damned thing. He even stopped reading.
Soon afterwards he had trouble walking and the rest of the problems started.
I’ll tell you what I’m going to do: study - - not just pleasure read.
My father’s sister read until she was 98 - - she died with a sharp mind and still had her wits about her. THAT is a lesson that will never leave me, unless I think that “I’ve paid my dues.”
I have a relative in the same situation right now. She is 91yrs, refuses to leave her home and you can't put them anywhere kicking and screaming.
Refuses to have anyone come into her house to help her.
She is just starting to become verbally abusive. Accusing people of things. She is such a good ‘talker’ that the doctors can talk to her and NOT see that anything is wrong so medical authority has not been achieved YET. It's frustrating.
She does not sleep like your Dad does, in fact she hardly sleeps.
I could write a book, but will leave it at this. Good luck to you, I know how hard it is.
My mother passed at 102. Her years after around 95 were tough.
We had her in a home and since I lived 200 miles away I couldn’t see her as often as I wanted. But a few observations. Very much in line with yours.
Don’t correct them when they digress back to childhood friends and family.
The other members of the family that were closer to her proximity and visited more often would often correct her as to who they were.
My mom used to call me by her brother’s name. I let her.
They remember childhood like it was yesterday.
JMHO.. They lose the ability to discern dreams from reality. They dream about ‘the old days’ and when they awake are still in that dream.
.
Hard stuff
I’ll no go into some variations among younger people
If you know what I mean
Yes, very hard. All kinds of dementia.
Obcessive compulsive disorders are different.
Many ways the mind can be warped.
My brother is about 6’3” and weighs about 250...you should have seen his expression when our mother said to him, “You’re a pretty girl.”
.
Yup
Warp Speed
While he is sitting there hand him a big ball of putty (size of a lemon) to work with in his hands. It stimulates certain parts of the brain.
That is a very good idea!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.