Posted on 04/05/2010 11:59:18 AM PDT by Loud Mime
I’m going to pass your comment on to my father. My mother is suffering from dementia & talks CONSTANTLY about having conversations with her mother & father (now deceased). I usually just play along a little & then try to move to another subject - but my father gets upset about it & tells her that her parents are “gone to be with the LORD”. She usually starts crying and asks when did they die?
This happens several times a day - Daddy says he just gets tired of hearing it & says he won’t play along with her. He seems to be under the impression that she can be reasoned with.
LOL. I guess in his case, it really did 'stay in Vegas.' ;~))
You can buy lithium OTC?
I really hope he listens! You can’t imagine the difference this will make for all of you.
Yes, there probably is a part of him that doesn’t want to admit that her mind is gone.
And for those who have repetition as part of their problem, I’m sure that does get tedious. We didn’t have too much of that in any of our parents, but to the extent we did, we found that going along with something (acknowledging it) made it less likely the parent would keep repeating it.
One thing we also tried with the instances we did have of repetition was asking questions. We would give Mom the chance to talk about the point in more detail, pay more attention to it. I guess it was kind of like helping her know that we did hear her and she did get to “get it out of her system,” so to speak.
Sometimes the stories are like pent-up pressure on the brain. Once the person is able to get them out in a way that they feel they have been heard and affirmed, the need to say them or continue on with them goes away.
Of course, there is a sort of mind loss where the person just repeats no matter what. In that case, I’d say do whatever it takes to keep you, the listener, from getting stressed. “Yes, dear,” “uh-huh,” or maybe even something with a little humor that makes you chuckle — I used to say occasionally something like, “Well, you don’t say!” This isn’t making fun of the person, it is keeping you sane and engaging them where they are at.
What struck me about dementia patients was that they seldom moved their heads.
If they are still responsive, get them to move their heads as far to the left as possible, and then to the right, preferably to effect a 360 degree head movement while standing, or 180 degree range of movement lying, and something between 360 and 180 if done seated.
The other plane of movement is up and down, for 180 degrees or more, for a 50 count.
Maintaining full range head movement, engages and implies the effective control of all the muscles and movement in the body.
Preferably, they should do that as soon as they awaken and get out of bed, and I’ve seen people with very little movement recover virtually all movement, starting in this fashion.
Full range movement left to right, up and down, and then as they recover, fists, palmward and then knuckeword, foot movement, toe raise and heel raise — and if one can maintain and increase the range at those parts of the body, prognosis is good for recovery and improvement.
With full range movement, one will noticed the contraction and relaxation that produces a blood flow to/out of that area, which all the usual “mental” or thinking only exercises cannot effect.
This similar atrophying of the neck muscles and circulation occurs with most people wo do not exhibit full range head movement — which is the distinguishing quality of vibrant, healthy people. It is movement specifically at the extremities, that are the markers of health — and all that conventional exercise, does little good — for increasing the circulation and functioning at these vital parts of the human body.
As long as they are responsive and can maintain those movements with increasing range as their objective, the prognosis is good, for recovery from strokes, and other impairment of movement, atrophy, and dysfunction.
That is the base level of responsiveness to determine if they are still responsive and capable of willful movement and action.
P.S. When I reread your post, I realized I forgot to tell you how sorry I was about this all making your mother cry and your father upset.
So much involved in all that.
But I do think (from experience) they would BOTH be happier if she wasn’t constantly receiving the “new” information that her parents were dead and he wasn’t constantly feeling like he had to be the bearer of that bad news.
Thank you, that is very helpful. I’m going to try that & talk with my dad about it. It’s very hard on him, he’s trying to take care of her and he can hardly take care of himself. I’m going to the doctor with them this week to see if they can get some kind of home health care. He just can’t handle it anymore, and I can’t be there all of the time.
Yes, Health food stores.
http://www.vitacost.com/productResults.aspx?ss=1&.x=5&.y=12&Ntk=products&Ntt=lithium
Some articles on OTC lithium and dementia research.
Take a omega 3 if you decide on this as a supplement daily.
I will be praying for you and your family. I know how difficult this is.
It’s obvious you love your father very much. Maybe that will touch him enough to know you are suggesting this because it will help him as well as your mom.
Sometimes you can find adult daycare that gives you even one day a week where you could drop your mom off and she would be looked after and have the opportunity, at least, to be around people and things going on. Some counties even often them through the senior centers. I have also seen them offered by churches.
I found these were most helpful if your parent was no longer ambulatory. If they can wander off or fall, that would be one thing to consider in the set-up. But I wouldn’t rule out anything until you went over and actually looked at how the daycare was run.
Interesing. I’ll check that out.
My mom has dementia, she is 86, in great physical shape, but has advanced dementia. My prayers for your dad and your family.
Music from her generation helps with the sundowning- people with dementia tend to get very agitated around sunset, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy David Jr, Tony Bennett helps bring her mood back up and makes her feel happy and safe. Structure and routine is also important for her. She can be diverted from a full on anxiety attack to dancing and singing once she hears this music.
Her brother has been dead for about 10 years and when she asked, "Where is Glenn?" I lied! I told her he was at the store. Pacified her. We "played that game" at least 10,000 times over the years.
Attitude is EVERYTHING! You can enjoy the ride or let it drive you crazy!
I have help 7 days a week and am able to get out when I want to. That is a big help. Everyday we find something about my mother to laugh about.
I’m going to check into the daycare option with her doctor. I appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers, it helps to know that others have walked in your footsteps.
Bless you.
AWESOME way to look at it!
My mother had anger issues in the past, but I've noticed now that she seems more at peace - and actually, on the whole - she seems to be happier now. It's like someone said, they are finally carefree.
I cannot believe the response and good advice that this thread shows. Thank ALL OF YOU!
She used to kid me that I would have her "put to sleep" before I would my dog. If she only knew...but she doesn't.
She doesn't talk much anymore and is mostly unintelligible.
BTW, she had pneumonia once and URIs until I put her on Vit. C & D.
We were never pill poppers and she is on no regular Rx. She is healthier than most of my friends.
My mom’s dementia was emotionally, financially, physically bigger than me, for all my good wishes and desire to help
This was one where I had to let go and let God. I prayed a lot to get her to a place where she is happy and safe, she is now in a nursing home in her community with friends and family nearby and professional dedicated staff she knows helping her - my husband and I work from 6 am to 7 pm , and she needed 24/7 round the clock care- my thoughts and prayers with everyone going through this.
Dementia is devastating. Mom was a fashion model, worked in the fashion industry all her life, she retains the footprints of her best self, always flawlessly groomed and beautiful which helped mask the dementia for years but pieces are missing and she was on autopilot, able to wake up, accessorize, make up and present a beautiful picture, but her ability to judge was long gone. There are no harder words when one learns a parent “lacks capacity”., But we take joy in her company- she is carefree, and everyone in the family enjoys her and we love every minute spent with her.
A good geriatric professional is very helpful understanding this condition.
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Thanks much nit, going to read through this thread.
I have to add one more thing for anyone with an independent parent still living at home with early dementia. Watch the mail. This is where it starts.
Direct mail targets the elderly. She was on every list, played every game, upped the ante with prizes and games and moved up to the response list and got bombarded with more. I cannot explain the heartbreak when she would call and say she won a million dollars, and all she had to do was send in another form. I felt like such a kill joy telling her mom, no. She gave her meager social security to direct mail pitches, she gave the money I sent to supplement her. I called the state attorney general, better business, got her off lists but they alway found her and she always responded. Just another piece of the dementia nightmare, and big warning sign.
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