Posted on 04/05/2010 11:59:18 AM PDT by Loud Mime
I’m going through dementia/Alzheimers with both my parents. My Mother went through a difficult period, while she was still living at home, when she became angry and suspicious. She would hide things and forget where she put them, then accuse everyone of stealing and trying to get her things/money/car. After it got intolerable, her doctor put her on some behavioral meds that made a huge difference. Believe me, it is better to have her pleasant and a little spaced out than being hostile. You may find some of this behavior with your Father, when he resents taking a bath or medicines. Like others have said, you are now the parent and you just have to do what has to be done, just as you would with a child. May God grant you peace and success in dealing with these old age issues.
Another thing to check is whether your father communicates better, or is reported to communicate better, with certain people than with others. Especially if the “others” are yourself. I had the very aggravating situation of an elderly aunt who would become incoherent in my presence, about the same time that a very pushy neighbor began to dominate her life. Since you’re around your father all the time this might be unlikely to be happening before your eyes, but there are a few people who can and will take unfair advantage of an elderly person losing his or her mind.
My husband (who was much older than me) began his trip down Alzheimer’s Lane by exhibiting major changes in his personal and grooming habits. He quit shaving his neck, and combed his hair straight forward, instead of off to the side. He let his nails grow long, and quit showering.
The shower was the hardest part (along with the incontinence) to deal with. He became combative when I tried to shower him every three or four days. I had to have someone with me, for fear he would attack me. (He had always been a very gentle man.)
I finally had to have a professional care-giver come twice a week to shower him, and it was always a fight.
He started two microwaves on fire, would open the door in the middle of the night, and leave it open, he constantly turned on the airconditioner to it’s coldest, then turned the heat all the way up.
I found that the best way to handle the situation was to let him know he was safe. And I always kept him well groomed, as they DO have ‘moments’ of cognizance. I wanted him to know that he was being well cared for.
The incontinance was the hardest (and the longest) part of his illness, and became a twice a day occurance. I had to have carpet cleaners here every week, and had to have
carpet removed in the bedroom, with linoleum installed.
I could not leave him with a care-giver as he trusted no one but me, and would be combative with them.
This illness is so painful to watch in it’s progression. Every day they seem to lose a little bit more of who they are.
I recommend becoming an Alzheimer’s Caregiver, as you will learn many ways to deal with unsuspecting problems, as they arise.
Finally, you might want to try singing instead of talking. For some reason, it seems easier for them to comprehend a melodious tone, rather than speech.
Good luck, FRiend. The road ahead is long and hard.
I don’t know where you live but look up the Granite Falls Memory Care Center in Granite Falls, NC. The Neurologist is the founder of the memory care center @ Duke University(he left Duke for Western NC). He’s the best. People from all over the country travel to see him at this location. I know neurologist who send there patients to him when they can’t deal with them anymore. Good Luck. God Bless!!
What FrdLvr said is very important. Start with eliminating meds and go on to add the vitamins. It's worth a good try before you diagnose severe dementia.
PS..do so under the Doctors supervision..:)
sw
Sounds like you are being very creative with your father. That will serve you well. Prayers up for you. I went through this with my dear mother.
It is difficult when you have to become the parent to your parent, but there is a certain joy in being able to care for them yourself. I hope you will be able to keep them at home and not have to put them in a facility.
Alzheimer’s ping.
Maybe some useful tips...
He needs to be in an environment with a group of people who will keep him on his toes. Group enforcement will jog is brain some. For rest time he should be made to read the Bible. Also check his thyroid functions and infuse him with vitamin B and Folic acid. This stuff is related to brain metabolics. Reduce any kind of empty entertainment like TV or sex or pain over-medication. Make him write or draw, as it is both physical and mental.
My Dad keeps acting like he’s back to being a fighter pilot, when he used to impress the ladies to no end.
Dealing with humor: When we were in ‘Vegas I took him to a “gentlemen’s club.” He had a lot of fun, but didn’t remember it twenty minutes later. The last time we went to ‘vegas I decided to save money. We went to the casino and a good tip got one of the cocktail waitresses to chat him up for a time; later I told him that we went to the G-club. It was far cheaper and he still had fun.
I don't buy this in general because of my personal experience. I knew someone who took lithium for manic depression for many years. It certainly did not prevent dementia in his case. (That is putting it mildly.) He had been an extremely intelligent person.
I don’t think there is a direct connection with dementia and sleeping a lot. Indeed, some elderly people with dementia hardly sleep at all. There may be some other problem that is causing you father to sleep a lot and perhaps it would help to get this checked out.
That was a great idea! You have FReepmail.
We’ve been through this with three parents between us. One of the best pieces of advice we got was from a nurse who noticed that it was a little upsetting to talk with Mom and, for example, have her going on about having had lunch with “Joe,” who had passed away decades ago, or many other experiences that had not actually occurred, at least “yesterday.”
I asked the nurse if she had any advice on how to handle these things. She told us to simply go along and not challenge Mom’s reality. She said that telling a person she hadn’t had lunch with Joe because Joe was dead — which we hadn’t done, but still — just ended up frightening the person. They apparently think they really did have lunch with Joe, so it’s very unsettling to be told that they did not (much less to be told that Joe was dead).
The nurse’s advice was to say “how nice, I’ll bet you enjoyed that.” Which, of course, on some level, in her mind, Mom did! So responding like that would actually make Mom beam and light up — sometimes she would begin telling us all about what they had for lunch and so on. And she would really enjoy the “memory” as she told it. So she was happy, we were happier, and no harm was done. For all we know, maybe Mom really was remembering a long-ago lunch with Joe and just pegging it as having happened yesterday.
This brought a lot more joy and peacefulness to our conversations.
Also if Mom came up with something that upset her — such as “last night there was a man at the window holding a knife in his mouth” (real example) — the nurse suggested also accepting that as Mom’s reality, but being calm and matter-of-fact about it. So our response was something like, “It’s nice to have windows that have such thick, strong glass, isn’t it?.” Worked for Mom. And then we’d be on to the next thing.
Doesn’t sound like much, but this understanding of how to approach things that Mom expressed that were only happening in her head was really, really helpful.
Then it is all settled. You know one person with a mental illness that lithium did not stop memory loss so all the studies and research are wrong.
BiPolar is a mental illness. Dosages of 300 to 600 MG a day of lithium. Usually other drugs are taken that can take away short term memory. Some have schizo affective disorder with bipolar and neurontin and other powerful drugs are taken for psychosis.
I am not talking about a mental illness. I am talking about strengthening the brain so dementia or stroke does no further damage. 5 to 15 mg of a OTC supplement of lithium. Lithium is found in tomatoes. But no many want to eat 100 tomatoes a day to get what a person needs.
I am not here to convince you. It is up to each one to do their own research.
Does he enjoy coffee? Google coffee and Alzheimer’s. If he likes drinking it, and you notice no ill effects (such as jitters), then that might give him a greater sense of well-being, help with the daytime sleeping situation, and help with memory function.
When my dad was 80, he asked his doctor if he should stop drinking coffee and some other stuff he’d heard was “bad” for him. His doctor said, “Good Lord, man, you’re 80 years old. Eat and drink whatever the hell you want.”
Excellent!
Music worked well with my Mom. I bought some oldies (from her generation, not mine) and when I played them, she perked up and really enjoyed it. If your folks are in their 80s now, look for stuff that was popular when they were in their late teens and early 20s.
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