Posted on 08/12/2010 8:30:15 AM PDT by eRtwngr
My wife left her job when we had our first child and has been home for the birth and rearing of all 7. Has it been hard at times? Do we sacrifice some things? Sure. But isn't that what marriage and family are supposed to be about in the first place?
What kind of rude, self-centered drones are we thrusting on the world? Ones whose first memories are that their parents didn't love them enough to spend time raising them.
(Excerpt) Read more at ertwngr.blogspot.com ...
Don’t care about hit. And not tarring anyone. If the truth hurts, its not my fault. I give real examples and sadly, common ones.
Actually, I use a private-home daycare, and they’ve told me that my kids behave rather well with them.
Funny how they misbehave with me, but not with the daycare....hmmmm.... I still haven’t figured out what we’re doing different, that they think they can get away with being obnoxious with us, but not with daycare.
I decided to stay home when our first was born. (that was over 14 years ago). Believe me, it hasn’t been easy but well worth it. I got the questions/comments like, “what do you do all day? or “I thought you were smarter than that?” Many times a working woman would simply end a conversation with me once she found out that I was a stay at home Mom. That being said, I have three great kids who do well in school, know they are loved, and are the center of our lives. Were/are there times a second incomes would come in handy? Absolutely but I have learned how to budget, save, and look at things as either necessities or luxuries. Just a thought
BTW, nobody said it was EASY raising kids. It's not EASY going to work and putting up with less than ideal people either, yet we all do it at some point in our lives. Is putting up with the tough days for MONEY what motivates you? Or LOVE for your kids that gets you through the day? Is it LOVE or MONEY? Or is it the LOVE OF MONEY over the kids that keeps you outsourcing your kids?
Cats In The Cradle By Harry Chappin
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad,
You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin home, dad, I don’t know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day
He said “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on lets play
can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do” He said “Thats okay”
And then he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m going to be like him”
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, dad, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
“What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad,
You know we'll have a good time then.
I’ve long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day........
I said “I'd like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said “I'd love to Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu.
But It's sure nice talking to you, Dad,
It's been sure nice talking to you........”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,
My boy was just like me..............
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.
I do whatever is needed.
And most people don’t NEED daycare. They need to support a standard of living that’s above 99% of the world. They’ve bought the big lie about all the things they have to have. The government wants you to produce. And they’ll raise your children for you. Watch all the new regulations for daycare/preschool. They’ll slowly take over child rearing.
Prophetic, wasn’t it? A whole generation now.
If raising kids is too HARD, then by all means do NOT have them. Curl with up dollar bills in your old age. Be happy with material things rather than grown kids who were raised right. Do the country a favor and don't have them.
Cats In The Cradle By Harry Chappin
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad,
You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin home, dad, I don’t know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day
He said “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on lets play
can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do” He said “Thats okay”
And then he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m going to be like him”
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, dad, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
“What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad,
You know we'll have a good time then.
I’ve long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day........
I said “I'd like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said “I'd love to Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu.
But It's sure nice talking to you, Dad,
It's been sure nice talking to you........”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,
My boy was just like me..............
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.
Cost of daycare for 1 child per month average is $600+
What about travel expenses to and from work, $100+ per mo? Not to mention wear and tear on car.
What about clothing?
What about lunch expenses?
What about mom having to leave work early to pick up sick child, and the lost wages?
I don't think its much of a stretch to assume it cost $1000 a month for mom to work and put 1 child in daycare.
Meaning mom needs to make $1500 a month, or $18,000 a year JUST to break even.
How many women are working for $20-$25,000 a year, giving Uncle Barrack 1/3 in taxes and then spending $12,000 a year on child care and its expenses. Leaving them with virtually nothing at the end, and ruining there children.
I always found the concept of daycare repugnant. My mother was a stay at home saint, sacrificing career and increased wealth for the good of her children. She was always there for us, attending to our bumps and bruises, our triumphs and failures. Dad carried the wage earning load. He did fine.
When I was young, putting children in daycare was rare. Now it’s a billion dollar industry and as commonplace as buying a new car.
So what goes on at daycare and how are today’s children faring. I took a close look and what I found was troubling.
A female co-worker provided my first glimpse of some troubling trends. After giving birth she couldn’t wait to get her son into daycare as quickly as 3 weeks after his birth. Then, when her next vacation came up, she continued to drop him off each day so she “could get more done”. The idea left me cold. Now I know someone who works at daycare and says that is very common.
She says mothers routinely drop the kids off while they take a day off and go shopping. Likewise, when Dad shows up in plaid pants, a golf shirt and cap you know where he’s headed. “If you need me call my cell, I’ll be at the...”
Equally disturbing is the lack of warmth when picking children up at the end of the day. With the days workload still churning in their minds, it doesn’t even occur to these people to ask the child how their day was or give them a hug. Nor do they inquire of the caregivers how the child did that day. They just lead them to the car and stick them in their seats with all the emotion of a delivery truck driver. That the revolving door of overstressed daycare workers means many different folks, many in training, watch the kids, seems to be of little concern.
Not all are like that. Some hire nannies to drop off and pick up the kids and watch them through the weekend as well. It’s a wonder the kids even know who their parents are. One dad was repulsed when he realized his child was sucking on another’s pacifier. The daycare workers kind of shrugged and thought “if he only knew what these kids pass around on a given day.”
Then there’s the illness deception trick. Since they know you shouldn’t drop a child off with a fever, they stuff the little kids with Tylenol so as to avoid detection for a couple of hours until mom is safely at her desk. “What? Johnny has a fever? He was fine this morning!” But the daycare providers have seen the pattern enough to know the exact amount of time Tylenol holds off a fever. They ask the older kids “what color pill did mommy give you today? Was it pink?” Mom and Dad aren’t fooling anyone. They’re just hoping the call comes late enough that they can stall their way to the end of their workday.
Career women aren’t quite as nurturing as they think sometimes. Nor as bright. One Ivy League professor type stopped to instruct a daycare worker how she wanted the child’s clothes changed midway through the day so that the first half day’s clothes could be preserved in case the child ever turned up missing or lost. The woman provided a plastic bag to deposit the clothing in. This isn’t something that couldn’t be handled at home? You don’t routinely have such clothing articles around? What, do you do laundry every night?
Some stories are sadder. Like the premature boy who was sent off to daycare with an oxygen mask only 7 months after being born months premature. “It’s OK to remove the mask when you change him,” mother explained. But when the 20-something daycare worker tried that the boy began to turn blue. So they decided to leave it on. This is a daycare center, not a medical facility. What kind of parents drop a child off in that shape for the day at a totally unqualified facility?
Then there are the kids who show up with other suspicious conditions or injuries. It should be no surprise that some percentage of these kids aren’t loved and suffer neglect.
There are truly hardship cases where professional daycare is needed. But in most cases daycare is the option for the upwardly mobile, those who value things and places over children. Could you do without a few things in order to spend time nurturing your own child? If you didn’t want children, why’d you get married and have them?
My wife left her job when we had our first child and has been home for the birth and rearing of all 7. Has it been hard at times? Do we sacrifice some things? Sure. But isn’t that what marriage and family are supposed to be about in the first place?
What kind of rude, self-centered drones are we thrusting on the world? Ones whose first memories are that their parents didn’t love them enough to spend time raising them.
My mom passed away less than a year ago. her birthday was yesterday. Happy Birthday mom.
I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of re-formatting your post a bit, because the song is a powerful message and it was a bit difficult to read the way it posted...
Yes, it is NOT worth chasing the dollar to have someone else “raise” your children. What’s the point of having them? Buy yourself a new toy - instead! Don’t have kids if you can’t RAISE THEM YOURSELF. Stop being SELFISH and SELF ABSORBED and NARCISSISTIC. A child wants YOU; not things. It is your TIME that is priceless and it is QUANITY of time not this B.S. “quality” time. Kids don’t schedule their EMOTIONAL needs to FIT your royal schedule. They only grow up once and YOU had better be there! If not, YOU will regret it.
Cats In The Cradle By Harry Chapin
A child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then dad,
You know we’ll have a good time then
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then dad
You know we’ll have a good time then
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s5r2spPJ8g
With hell care coming, parents’ you’ll WISH you had a relationship with your children. When you NEGLECT them, they will NEGLECT you in turn. YOU trained them to be this way through your own actions of NEGLECT. So BLAME YOURSELF.
“Prophetic, wasn’t it? A whole generation now.”
Yes, and people are still BLIND.
They treat their kids like furniture.
They tune out the pleas and cries to NOT be dropped off at “daycare” where they truly do NOT care.
They brainwahs themselves into believing that THINGS will replace LOVE and TIME with them. After all, they’re TOO GOOD to be wasting their time with these little human beings. Their selfish arrogance is amazing.
Next they want to be “VICTIMS” because they “have to work”. BULL! They WANT to work for THINGS. THey see raising what they created as TOO HARD. IT’s easier to put up with B.S. at work because they get $$$$ for that. They don’t want to live within their means either. That would also require DISCIPLINE. Can’t have that! Live high and large. Impress people you don’t like. Forget the material girl - be the material parent.
Good for you. Don't use it.
A family I know adopted two children from China, their only children. Ever since, they find all sorts of creative ways to NOT be with their kids. This summer, those two kids were in every kind of camp imaginable, right up to the day they started school, last week, I believe.
Sometimes I wonder, why did you go through all the trouble to adopt them, and from CHINA no less, and then spend as little time with them as possible?
I can’t format anything, so don’t feel bad about it ;-)
I tried again byt most will ignore me or flame me.
It really doesn’t matter. It’s common sense.
The couple you refereed to probably feel very SELF RIGHTEOUS. They “saved” these two children from a terrible fate. Why they made SURE there is NO LOVE in their lives. They made SURE that MATERIALISM and NEGLECT is a permanent part of their lives. Trust me, they are smug about the adoptions.
So we should have aborted our child since we both work?
Nice . . .
By the child is about four years old, most parents have run out of steam with ways to enrich the daily routine *as well as* a situation where the child has peers, and the adults are focused on stimulating the children.
At this point, day care offers a *better* alternative to the kids in several ways. First and foremost it helps them make the first tentative steps to self-sufficiency away from their parents and out of the house, discovering confidence that they can do so without everything collapsing.
Next, they get a whopping big dose of stimulus from just “meet and greet” with other children. And after the initial shock, which is common, the idea that some other adults can act “in loco parentis” is an eye opener as well. They also have to figure out and explore the new place and learn its rules and differences from their home. And finally, the activities provided by a good day care are both novel and interesting compared to their familiarity with what is done at home.
Much of what happens is not obvious. For example, smells, odors, are neurologically some of our strongest and most reliable memories, and so experiencing new smells and food tastes at that age is very important. While at the same time, the senses are very acute, sensitive to harshness and easily overwhelmed. Which is why most young children don’t care for things like dill pickles.
But importantly, putting children in day care before age four may not be as beneficial, as they have very different developmental priorities at that age, and need their parents and the security of a stable home.
Someday we hope to do that, but as of now it’s not possible. I can’t imagine that the best thing for my child is our home going into foreclosure.
Sounds like someone hit a nerve.
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