Posted on 08/15/2014 8:11:52 PM PDT by John Semmens
US Secretary of State John Kerry continues to baffle observers by insisting that "global warming is, by far, the greatest threat mankind faces in the 21st century."
"The reason should be obvious from the term 'global' warming," Kerry said. "This means that it affects everyone. This has to put it ahead of dangers that afflict necessarily narrower categories of victims. The beheading of innocent children by ISIS in Iraq, for example, only affects thousands of people."
"The threat to wipe Israel off the map and exterminate the Jews, at worst, would entail the deaths of only a few million," Kerry continued. "Juxtaposed to this limited atrocity, the ecological damage from global warming is vaster by an order of magnitude. Billions will be faced with excruciatingly relentless rises in temperature. Trying to stay cool will be an endless task. The cost and discomfort of attempting to cope will easily outweigh the momentary pain of being blown apart by a suicide bomber or having your throat slit by a jihadi."
"In a way it could be said that massacres serve to ameliorate the impact of global warming," Kerry pointed out. "The fewer humans there are, the less pressure they will put on the ecosystem's carrying power. So, while it is not their intent to fight global warming groups like ISIS and Hamas are inadvertently contributing toward a brighter future for the planet. We should not overlook this mitigating factor."
While Kerry appears to imagine himself a great thinker able to see past the "minor skirmishes" that most see as the main concern of the nation's chief diplomat, a recent editorial in Investors Business Daily characterized his contention that global warming is the more serious threat as "dangerously moronic."
Kerry does appear to be at some risk of getting out of step with his boss, though. Just this week President Obama declared "conservative maximalists" to be the biggest threat. "The essence of a successful community is universal cooperation for the collective benefit of all," the President said. "This requires compromise. Yet, there is a contingent within that continues to take the extreme position that certain so-called fundamental rights are immutable. This contingent of conservative maximalists is more dangerous than any other enemy we face."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/161283-2014-08-15-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-august-17-2014.htm
What a relief it is to know that Obama’s Secretary of Statements, John Kerry is currently fighting an even bigger enemy than Putin or ISIS - - - - GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE WARMING!
BTW, if Kerry is successful, will we then have GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE COOLING?
Just the thought of it makes me shiver!
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Thanks, Mark!
Halp us Jon Carry — We R Stuck Hear on Erth!
The turd has spoken!!
This isn't satire. It's their actual thought process.
Is that really the US Secretary of State’s main thing to worry about?
There's always an Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or a Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that is about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they DO NOT KNOW ABOUT IT!
“Hey Jerk, it is 52 degrees here in the Detroit area on our ‘hot August night.’”
Are the cooler temps keeping the shootings down this summer? Just curious. Milwaukeestan is as shoot-em-up as ever, cool or warm nights. :(
Conservative maximalists! Bra ha ha ha ha ha aaaaaaa
” We are Lurching towards Gomorrah”
Too funny!
Been much quieter here in Detroit since Police Chief encouraged residents to arm themselves.
Secretary of State to the climate.
That’s great! Milwaukeestan has a great Sheriff in Clarke. Hopefully he can get the thugs squared away.
Thanks again, John, for the ping.
Usually, don’t things like crop yields get better as it gets warmer? The Romans were planting citrus groves and vineyards as far north as Hadrian’ s wall, and only abandoned Britannia when the temperature dropped and they could no longer grow theses things.
Poor old Kerry...He is just so stuck in yesterday’s old fads.
Make up a problem and then say that a Marxist government is the only solution.
John Hanoi Kerry is a bigger threat to mankind than global warming let alone Berry the destroyer.
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