Skip to comments.FDA to Announce Ban on Sprinkles [satire]
Posted on 12/29/2014 8:50:50 AM PST by John Semmens
Though the amount of trans fats in the sprinkles that are used to adorn donuts and ice cream cones is extremely low, the Food and Drug Administration is determined to eliminate these items from the food chain.
There is no good reason why anyone should consume these non-nutritional pollutants in our food supply, said FDA nutrition expert Harley Sain. The donuts and ice cream cones where sprinkles are usually found are bad enough on their own without this worthless addition.
Sain admitted that if it were totally up to me, wed be banning the donuts and ice cream, too. No one needs to eat these to survive. The world would be healthier without them. Removing them from the diet is more of a long term goal. We need to move in increments that wont stir up too much opposition. As people gradually become more accustomed to greater government control over what they are allowed eat we can take larger strides toward a perfectly calibrated diet for all.
In the meantime, if the lack of sprinkles deters only one person from consuming a donut or ice cream cone, well, thats a fringe benefit that no one could reasonably oppose, Sain added.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
Even if we only save one (fat) kid...
You only think it is satire, and it is temporarily
The question is, do Sprinkles contain plastic particles that enhance their appearance like some brands of toothpaste? If so, good riddance to them.
Harley Sain sounds like he isn’t. Da boy needs to get a real job.
I just love your articles, I’m so glad that they are posted here.
Black market sprinkles sure to follow! Ha!
The sprinkles will be allowed on doughnuts that are crème filled with a turnip mush.
Finally an FDA pronouncement I can agree with. Sprinkles waste space on top of ice cream or donuts that could be used for chocolate.
Sain admitted that if it were totally up to me, wed be banning the donuts and ice cream, too.
That's just in-sain.
Sprinkles are racist... or an example of white privilege... perhaps both.
How about in Connecticut, where we call them “shots”?
Silver dragées, those little balls used decorate cookies, have been banned in California—and that’s not satire or a joke.
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