Posted on 11/05/2008 7:32:29 PM PST by According2RecentPollsAirIsGood
First of all, please forgive yet another vanity in a time when there isn't a bonfire big enough to consume all the ones so far.
I consider the people here on FreeRepublic to be some of the most intelligent and also just downright decent people I know. Thus I feel I can trust your thoughtful opinions on most things. I'm still kind of young (24), and there's a lot I don't know about life. Right now, I need some relationship advice.
I have a girlfriend right now who I deeply love. We met online through another message board, and have known each other for several years as friends. A little less than a year ago, I met her for the first time in person (she lives in upstate NY, I'm in Texas) as a friend, we kind of hit it off after that, met up again later in June, and became an official couple. Things have been going extremely well so far, we see each other a lot, and we both very much love each other. I've even thought about asking her to marry me someday assuming everything continues to go well and any major hiccups are resolvable.
One of the reasons I think we've done so well so far are that we early on (before we started dating) found out that we agreed on a lot of major things that are important to a relationship. First of all, she is believing, church-going Christian (Methodist) as am I (Lutheran). I've dated non-believers before and the relationship has worked out very badly both times, thus, faith has become a very important quality to me. We also agree on abstinence until marriage, an extremely rare quality amongst young people nowadays, and that has put both her and my mind at much greater ease as we go along.
In addition, we get along very well together and have quite a few similar interests. We both have the open mind, resourcefulness, and will to make a long distance relationship work for now until we can get closer to each other. And her parents adore me. They're dairy farmers and as such are down-to-earth, genuine people, and they've instilled that in her as well. I've never had so many things going right with someone before.
Ok, sorry for all the lengthy background. The following is why I'm writing this. In obvious contrast to me, my girlfriend is adamantly anti-political. She thinks politics is depressing, she doesn't care for anyone on either side, and she avoids discussing it like the plague. Honestly, I thought I could deal with that. It is depressing, after all, and almost nobody on either side is worth a damn. A while back she let slip that she was undecided who to vote for in this election. Since then I've sporadically tried to point out the reasons to not vote for Obama, even if McCain does suck. I've tried to relay how his policies are going to personally affect both my family and hers. I even suggested that if she just didn't care, she probably shouldn't vote. I became extremely worried as election day approached.
Well, I called her yesterday, and she told me that she did indeed vote. So I asked her for whom because I'd been really wanting to know. She wouldn't tell me. I told her it was important to me, but she still refused. I think it's fairly obvious what that means.
Personally, I'm devastated by this election. I feel like I don't live in the same country anymore. I see a bleak future for anyone who wants to be successful. She, on the other hand, isn't really bothered. She didn't think her vote mattered anyways (it didn't, NY). As she's told me, she just doesn't consider politics an important part of her life and thinks everything's crappy and depressing regardless of who's in power.
She has utter apathy towards it all, and I think yesterday her vote was one of sheer ignorance. You know people like that. They don't realize that the few things they do hear in the news are abject lies. They may be decent people who, if they actually knew a tenth of what someone stood for, would not even consider voting for them. I mean, from what I've mentioned above, I think most of her core values are fairly conservative even if she may not make that connection. I think she's just naive and probably got duped. Her intractability on talking about these things, though, is probably going to make it hard for me to make headway.
So I'm very confused what to think. I was praying really hard she'd vote the right way, and I now I feel sick to my stomach. I love her greatly, and I worry that as I see the awful things planned for this country become reality that I'm going unwillingly connect her with them. I'm trying to chalk it up to apathetic ignorance on her part (which I think it is), but I don't know if that will always keep me placated.
I also will admit that I really don't want to have to face everything alone if it's going to eventually be as bad as we think it is.
Geez, I'm sorry for the long post. I've just been really worked up.
So I'm just asking for some help in figuring things out. I would appreciate if people would refrain from throwaway responses like "just get rid of her" or "get over it" or "suck it up." If anyone is married to someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as they do, I'd be interested in how you make things work. Or if you know people like my girlfriend and have advice on how to gently educate her more about our side. Or if you think I don't need to make a big deal of it, let me know. And if so, what are some ways to cope with it or ignore it or keep it from festering in my mind or what? Or just anything you have to say. I love her, and even after hearing my full out despondency last night, she still says she loves me. I need to sort myself out.
Hey, as Hannity says “let not your heart be troubled” I always look at criticism as beneficial ... but then, it depends on who is doing it ... I take it then look at what they’re saying and see how it fits ....
You sound like a neat guy - hang in there, good things come to those who go out and seek them ....
it does seem weird, but i guess that’s all part of the secret ballot. i just know that was the way it was in my family and with all my friends families too. maybe it was to keep family wars at a minimum. lol (just had a flash of the Jerry Springer Thanksgiving shows...lol) there is no rule about volunteering to tell how you voted by the way.
I guess it’s one of those “whatever” situations.
But I don’t see folks here calling this guy a “bully” and so on because he asked his GF how she voted. Just because you come from a background where people didn’t talk about such doesn’t mean that is the way it for others or the way it has to be.
Some families don’t talk about you-know-what either! ;)
Where I come from, “wars” were avoided by observing the rules of “no talking politics or religion at the dinner table.”
Actually, it's quite important. Living with someone you don't agree with politically can be a nightmare.
As the years and decades go by, it's important to agree on basic things. There are enough challenges in marriage without arguments about politics. Maybe you can help to inform her about the dangers of liberalism...
:-O i didn’t call him a bully! lol i guess i feel like if someone doesn’t want to say how they voted then they shouldn’t be bugged about it. to some people it is just a private thing. (i was also taught it was rude to ask someone how much they make an hour/year, and how much they paid for something! lol we were taught to not be nosey i guess. : | )
Yes, I didn’t mean you. Others did, though.
We also were taught not to ask about pay. And I’m not suggesting it was okay to ask just anyone how they voted.
But one’s spouse? It never occurred to any of us that one spouse would have to ask the other-—it would just be part of the natural discussion in the household.
So, to each his own, I guess!
Personally, I couldn’t imagine being in a marriage with someone who thought it was nosey to talk about who we were voting for.
it's funny, i've never asked, but i always know how he votes and he knows how i do too. we just talk about it, but if he didn't say, i wouldn't ask.
i have to say, it has been very nice discussing this with you fightinJAG. :)
Likewise a pleasure, ferri!
It’s interesting to see how there are indeed different strokes for different folks.
Here's a short story, I just turned 25 and I was engaged to this lovely Republican woman who I loved with all my heart. We shared similiar political beliefs and we were unhappy that Obama became elected President.
But she broke up with me just before my 25th birthday. It broke my heart and I thought this woman was perfect for me. But sometimes in life it is all about timing and for some reason she cannot handle my imperfections at this point and fulfill her duties as a wife to me. You know, that's just the way women are, if we fail to nurture them, they'll cut us loose in a heartbeat.
But despite all those things we had in common, it was not enough to salvage our relationship at the end. So little things do matter, sometimes that we as males are unable to determine where we went wrong.
Bttt
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