Posted on 11/05/2008 7:32:29 PM PST by According2RecentPollsAirIsGood
First of all, please forgive yet another vanity in a time when there isn't a bonfire big enough to consume all the ones so far.
I consider the people here on FreeRepublic to be some of the most intelligent and also just downright decent people I know. Thus I feel I can trust your thoughtful opinions on most things. I'm still kind of young (24), and there's a lot I don't know about life. Right now, I need some relationship advice.
I have a girlfriend right now who I deeply love. We met online through another message board, and have known each other for several years as friends. A little less than a year ago, I met her for the first time in person (she lives in upstate NY, I'm in Texas) as a friend, we kind of hit it off after that, met up again later in June, and became an official couple. Things have been going extremely well so far, we see each other a lot, and we both very much love each other. I've even thought about asking her to marry me someday assuming everything continues to go well and any major hiccups are resolvable.
One of the reasons I think we've done so well so far are that we early on (before we started dating) found out that we agreed on a lot of major things that are important to a relationship. First of all, she is believing, church-going Christian (Methodist) as am I (Lutheran). I've dated non-believers before and the relationship has worked out very badly both times, thus, faith has become a very important quality to me. We also agree on abstinence until marriage, an extremely rare quality amongst young people nowadays, and that has put both her and my mind at much greater ease as we go along.
In addition, we get along very well together and have quite a few similar interests. We both have the open mind, resourcefulness, and will to make a long distance relationship work for now until we can get closer to each other. And her parents adore me. They're dairy farmers and as such are down-to-earth, genuine people, and they've instilled that in her as well. I've never had so many things going right with someone before.
Ok, sorry for all the lengthy background. The following is why I'm writing this. In obvious contrast to me, my girlfriend is adamantly anti-political. She thinks politics is depressing, she doesn't care for anyone on either side, and she avoids discussing it like the plague. Honestly, I thought I could deal with that. It is depressing, after all, and almost nobody on either side is worth a damn. A while back she let slip that she was undecided who to vote for in this election. Since then I've sporadically tried to point out the reasons to not vote for Obama, even if McCain does suck. I've tried to relay how his policies are going to personally affect both my family and hers. I even suggested that if she just didn't care, she probably shouldn't vote. I became extremely worried as election day approached.
Well, I called her yesterday, and she told me that she did indeed vote. So I asked her for whom because I'd been really wanting to know. She wouldn't tell me. I told her it was important to me, but she still refused. I think it's fairly obvious what that means.
Personally, I'm devastated by this election. I feel like I don't live in the same country anymore. I see a bleak future for anyone who wants to be successful. She, on the other hand, isn't really bothered. She didn't think her vote mattered anyways (it didn't, NY). As she's told me, she just doesn't consider politics an important part of her life and thinks everything's crappy and depressing regardless of who's in power.
She has utter apathy towards it all, and I think yesterday her vote was one of sheer ignorance. You know people like that. They don't realize that the few things they do hear in the news are abject lies. They may be decent people who, if they actually knew a tenth of what someone stood for, would not even consider voting for them. I mean, from what I've mentioned above, I think most of her core values are fairly conservative even if she may not make that connection. I think she's just naive and probably got duped. Her intractability on talking about these things, though, is probably going to make it hard for me to make headway.
So I'm very confused what to think. I was praying really hard she'd vote the right way, and I now I feel sick to my stomach. I love her greatly, and I worry that as I see the awful things planned for this country become reality that I'm going unwillingly connect her with them. I'm trying to chalk it up to apathetic ignorance on her part (which I think it is), but I don't know if that will always keep me placated.
I also will admit that I really don't want to have to face everything alone if it's going to eventually be as bad as we think it is.
Geez, I'm sorry for the long post. I've just been really worked up.
So I'm just asking for some help in figuring things out. I would appreciate if people would refrain from throwaway responses like "just get rid of her" or "get over it" or "suck it up." If anyone is married to someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as they do, I'd be interested in how you make things work. Or if you know people like my girlfriend and have advice on how to gently educate her more about our side. Or if you think I don't need to make a big deal of it, let me know. And if so, what are some ways to cope with it or ignore it or keep it from festering in my mind or what? Or just anything you have to say. I love her, and even after hearing my full out despondency last night, she still says she loves me. I need to sort myself out.
How could anyone want to spend their life with someone who thinks jamming a pair of scissors into a baby’s skull is ok? Dump her immediately!
I can honestly say I’ve never heard such poppycock.
I can’t imagine being unwilling to tell someone you’re in a serious relationship with who you voted for for President of the United States.
What are you ashamed of or afraid of? I don’t get it.
Anyway, to each his own. If this guy’s GF has your view of things, I’d say he needs to run in the other direction as fast as possible.
I think you’ve probably hit it on the head. I could really screw things up by pursuing it right now. I even felt like that yesterday which has also made me nervous. I think I’ll just go distract myself for a while. It’ll be years until the next election. Lots of time.
Saving your post as well. Thanks for the best wishes. :)
Both of them boil down to personal morality and economic thoughts.
I think really she doesn’t quite understand, as you say, that “individual political decisions are intricately entwined with one’s faith.” She seems to think politics is just Candidate A or Candidate B and that it’s about impersonal issues she’d rather not bother with. I’m the opposite which is why a simple vote gets me worked up. But I suppose I should realize that that took a while for me to understand (thanks almost fully to FR), and that it may take a while with her. I should probably approach any discussions from a conceptual, personal and faithful point of view.
Thank you for taking my post seriously. Thank you to everyone else who has, too.
I would prefer she had not held anything back. At the same time, I might have come on too strong earlier, because I was getting nervous as the election got so near. I think she might have been expecting me to excoriate her or something. I have told her that this is all very important to me. It’s not to her. She says doesn’t want to feel like she has to agree with me on everything for us to work out and doesn’t think that thinking differently on some things won’t destroy us. I think I’m just going to back off for now. We still have plenty of other things to figure out in the meantime.
That is easily the most insightful response I’ve gotten. :)
And with that, I need to get some sleep. I will read the other comments later. Thank you, everyone who responded seriously. It has indeed helped me.
Zevon, I’ll work on becoming a more “sophisticated” Freeper just for you. :P
Probably a good plan. Above all, be open and be who you really are. If she loves you, she will appreciate that even if you don't see eye to eye.
But if not here, where? Well, the Jerry Springer Show probably has empty slots to fill!
We have now been married 20 years and she fights tooth and nail for Godly conservatism.
I'm still of the opinion that voting should be restricted to head-of-family property owners.
A Mercy does indeed have a VERY strong compassion component, but there’s a lot more to it than just having the quality of mercy. It’s sort of like a Christian-based personality profile, and “Mercy” is just the name of one of the profiles. For example, I sure don’t consider myself a prophet in the biblical sense, even though that’s my profile.
I had never heard of these “gift ID categories” until recently, BTW, but it has truly been of SO much value to my wife and me. And that’s really surprising because I’m historically resistant to any kind of “profiling” and anything that even might be considered “psychobabble.” But when I read the description of a Mercy, it’s like I’m reading a tailor-made description of my wife, which I find amazing.
MM
My wife and I took the survey in hard copy recently. I haven’t had time to look at it in depth, but I THINK this is probably the same survey:
http://www.bellevue.org/clientImages/1360/service/giftsintro.htm
MM
I have thinned out my list of friends and relationship by something on the order of ten since last night.
Be a man.
Later on if you marry and have children, again the core value issue will come up. Your values/beliefs are the model for your kids. You really want someone who has the same ones. This is what makes relationships last and work. We've been together since 1984.
She may look great ... but as we age it is what is inside that counts. All the cosmetic surgery and plastic surgery in the world won't change a leftist. I can see you are not a leftist. Don’t settle for less than what you want as core values - it's not worth it. There is enough stress in life without someone at home that really doesn't relate to you.
You want your spouse to be your best friend and someone you can really talk to. Less than that is not a satisfying relationship. We're to the point where we read each others mind and could complete each others sentences. We aren't bored or boring - it's comforting especially now ... . We are absolutely stunned, devastated, angry and saddened at the Obomination getting in there. He violates our core values. I don't feel alone or disconnected.
Don't believe there aren't others out there for you if she really doesn't share your core values. Her reluctance to not share who she voted for is a RED FLAG. When you are close to someone, you share that too ... .
Hey, kid, take it from an old, old hand who’s been there; there’s one way - and one way only - to sustain a relationship over the long haul: go to a tattoo parlor and have inscribed on your forehead the words: “Yes, dear - anything you say, dear.” Then lighten up and don’t worry so much - life isn’t a dress rehearsal, and the time passes VERY fast.
Find out what her view on abortion is, or ask her if she believes any religion except Christianity can make it to Heaven.
Her response to the abortion question will be very telling. My view is that a pro-abortion woman is not an acceptable spouse.
The question about Christianity will determine if you two are equally yoked. Essential, IMHO, in a marriage.
Also, what does she think about the wives and husbands verses from Ephesians 5?
Don’t expect another person to change for you. You need to decide if you can accept her the way she is rather than assuming you can turn her into someone else.
First of all, I have to say that I sort of understand where your girlfriend is coming from - politics can get really depressing sometimes, and after enough mud-slinging and promising their voters the world they all start to look sort of the same (especially when they all claim to be honest and different and pure). And, it’s especially depressing when you live in a state where, thanks to the electoral college, your vote doesn’t count. Girls are frequently emotional and irrational, so she may not have voted for Obama, but voted third-party and felt guilty that he won, or voted for McCain and felt guilty for voting for someone she didn’t really support.
Now, I’m going to be kind of blunt here. The reason she doesn’t want to tell you is almost definitely (now there’s a chance she may just have found the whole experience distasteful and doesn’t want to talk about it for that reason) because she doesn’t want to deal with your reaction. Technically, nobody has a right to know how anyone else voted, and I’ve found that many of the more disillusioned, undecided types tend to not tell others so much because they don’t have a strong reason for their decision and don’t want to be bothered trying to defend it. But, are you making too big of a deal out of it? Regardless of who you marry, you’ll have to agree to disagree on something, because even if you agree 100% of the time when you marry, things change in politics, new issues come up, politicians that don’t go along their party lines come up, and so on. Although, you sort of have things easier than those on this board that married a liberal girl in that this girl basically believes the same as you, you’ve just got to help her gain a more positive view of politics.
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