Sunday humor

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[Neil E. Wright]

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES.......

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

     
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
 5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
        

       Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary..
  
        
Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. 

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges.. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now.................

[Neil E. Wright]

A little Sunday afternoon humor during these trying times.

It's about

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★ Estimated Value – PRICELESS! ★

[Ole Okie]

Thanks for posting.

That terrier looks eager for anything.

And it’s my impression that’s exactly the way cats think.

[Hugin]

A T-Rex’s day planner...

Sept. 19. Find something alive, kill it, eat it.

Sept. 20. Find something alive, kill it, eat it.

Sept. 21. Find something alive, kill it, eat it.

(old Far Side cartoon)

[Immerito]

Ha! Cute! I wouldn’t be surprised if that was exactly how cats thought!

[Immerito]

Ha! Cute! I wouldn’t be surprised if that was exactly how cats thought!

[silverleaf]

excellent

[bert]

The fallacy is that cats don’t think, they merely respond instinctively.

[B4Ranch]

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog’s parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert..

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

To test this theory: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who’s happy to see you.

[conservativeharleyguy]

ping