Posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:25 PM PDT by chasio649
We have moved far past the time when an unmarried woman over 35 was branded an "old maid" or when unmarried men were "swinging bachelors," but after seeing the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and Congressman Anthony Weiner, one does have to wonder if the old adage about men over 40 who have never been married is true. Is it a dating red flag?
There is something to be said for marriage. Being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing. "Never-marrieds" on the other hand? Who knows why they're unmarried?
In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.
Of course, nothing is sure-fire and there are as many extenuating circumstances as there are marriages on Earth. But it's a good rule of thumb, when dating, to recognize that a person who has reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than a couple months is probably harboring some issues.
Marriage? Maybe not. Maybe they don't want to get married or just don't play musical chairs all that well. There are reasons they may not have walked down the aisle, though in Weiner's case, it probably WAS a red flag. Still, most men over 40 who have had at least one or two long-term relationships that haven't worked out are still marriage material, but those who haven't even had a girlfriend? It's a problem.
We learn something with every relationship we're in. No one would argue that the older you get, the harder it is to compromise. It is. So if you marry young and you compromise together, you get used to that. Someone who has made it to 40 without having to make those compromises and learn and grow with someone would likely be much more rigid in their thinking.
Women over 30 complain all the time that there are few good guys without baggage who are over 30 out there. And it's likely true. There are some good men who stay single, but coupling off whether by marriage or just a long-term relationship is kind of the "norm." So stepping outside of that does make you a bit of a freak.
That said, it isn't fair to not give a guy a chance because of some arbitrary cutoff. There is always the exception to every "rule," right?
Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?
I married at 35.
Fair warning from experience: if you date someone for more than 2 years without getting to “yes”, get out. Life is too short.
Now that is GREAT advice...i made the same mistake...i hung around far too long...we probably have mnay of the same experiences.
Ahh another ‘it was over before the rice hit the ground’ lol. We should start a club. :)
Nope, not remarrying (not speaking for you) was the result of a ‘lesson learned’. The only time I miss being married is when the trash needs to be taken out. nahhh j/k! lol
WOW!
No. But then I married late in life. So did my husband. First marriage for both of us and Lord willing it will be the last for both of us as well.
For me, at least, there is very little benefit to being married. I’d be competing with a lifetime of memories, to which I couldn’t measure up and having kids of my own isn’t really a possibility at this point.
As far as relationship skills go, all things can be learned by the willing.
And I used to be willing.
Some men and women have careers that require a lot of internation travel and large blocks of time away from home.
Not every potential mate wants that live style so one may have to wait until late 30’s or even early 40’s to find a spouse.
Yep...i dated a women like that...we got along fine..but her career came first...her choice and she wasn’t a freak.
Another freak here. 41, would love to get married, just never met the right woman. Had one woman I loved, but she turned out to be crazy (which I learned before we got hitched).
I guess that makes me a “freak”. However; I’d rather be a “freak” who is over 40 and never married than a gal working on her 2nd, 3rd or 4th marriage.
Or one of those cougar things.
I’m fairly confident it’s not Rush watching his FB page. I simply made a comment about the tea line and that his talent would be better used. Well the first comment was removed. So then I posted another and got banned.
Pretty ironic since Rush has been an icon for free speech.
Anyway, they don’t want any negative remarks at all and there have been plenty. Rush was completely on the defense today. *sigh*
I didn’t agree with the “freak” thing, either, hence the quotation marks.
The word was entered into the discussion via the title of the article in question, by the author, Ms. Hyphenated-Worsham.
A real catch, no doubt.
The similar saw used to be by 35; that’s what it was at the time my grandfather married my grandmother, he years beyond it, but their marriage was a faithful, happy, and lifelong one.
I think we all know someone who should never marry...it’s just not for everyone.
Too bad they’re not listening to the peanut gallery. I turned Rush off Thursday because I got fed up with his tea party. I noticed he toned it down dramatically today. It’s bad enough he shills for his supper (Lifelock etc) during his live broadcast but running almost an hour of infomercial for his tea during his live broadcast is just too much to bear.
Those hyphenated names make me grit my teeth....is that too judgemental? :D
I read that Huma and Weiner were happily shopping at the grodery store last night. Stocking up on supplies for their weekend getaway in the Hamptons. They seemed as happy as clams. Go figure.
I did my bit, raised my kids, bought houses for 3 women that wound up hating me, and that's enough for one lifetime.
No TV in the house, get to work on my projects, no one complains about equipment testing in the middle of the kitchen. I also get to have a small house that is cheap to operate, and easy to maintain. Yard? The garden looks great, but if I had grass, I'd have to mow it, and I'd rather work on my projects.
If that's a 'freak', so be it.
Single, solvent, and sane.
/johnny
I read that Huma and Weiner were happily shopping at the grodery store last night. Stocking up on supplies for their weekend getaway in the Hamptons. They seemed as happy as clams. Go figure.
He sounded defensive to me today. I suspect that we're not the only ones that were less than enthusiastic about this stupid venture.
Another journalistic triumph by Sasha Brown-Worsham: “Are Conservatives As Stupid As they Sound?”
http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/are-conservatives-as-stupid-as-they-sound/question-1843383/
Eh, I don’t know. I married at 27 and my gorgeous, adorable younger brother stayed single. He was living in the country, where there are few single women, and working in a guy-dominated field while he took care of our aging parents. He finally got married at 43 when the folks had passed. He and his wife have been SO HAPPY. Fortunately she knows that she is the luckiest woman in the world, he worships her, and they have a wonderful life together. She’s God’s reward to him for being so good and faithful. It’s only a disappointment to them that they were too old to start a family. But they were not freaks, and their marriage is a lot happier than mine was. They just didn’t meet the right people.
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