Bound, naked in a Subaru: Valentine's Day role-playing ends badly

LA Times ^ | 14 Feb 2012 | Kim Murphy

[Theoria]

It was Valentine's Day in Portlandia -- should anyone have been upset about a little friendly bondage action in the back of a Subaru?

Well, yes. The Portland Police Bureau was plenty upset, and the lovers, identified as Nikolas Harbar, 31, and Stephanie Pelzner, 26, are under arrest on charges of disorderly conduct in the second degree.

Portland may be a city that has always prided itself on its eccentricities, but police said the red alert that went out when Pelzner was glimpsed bound and naked in the back of the car was a Valentine too far.

It began shortly after noon on Tuesday, when someone at the New Seasons Market in north Portland reported that they had seen a naked female with duct tape on her mouth tied up in the back of a blue Subaru Legacy.

The man driving the car had told the witness they "were just having some fun," police said in their report, but the woman in the back of the car "seemed hazy."

The witness phoned in the license plate to the car, and the search was on.

Authorities in Washington state were alerted, in case the car traveled north across the state line on Interstate 5. Portland police began combing the city's streets, while a patrol car zeroed in on the address where the car was registered.

[Theoria]

Yawn...Portland...Subaru...Ducktape..

[Responsibility2nd]

Ain't Love Grand?

 

[garyb]

Looks like Michelle Trachtenberg.

[garyb]

Looks like Michelle Trachtenberg.

[RushIsMyTeddyBear]

Yawn...Portland...Subaru...Ducktape..
________________________________________________________

LOL! “Libtards in Luuuuuuuv”.

[freebilly]

If they’d been gay they wouldn’t have been booked into the county jail. They would’ve received an apology from the Mayor and slobbering wet kisses from the police department....

[freebilly]

p.s., I’d duct tape her....

[ArrogantBustard]

First off, I'm wondering if maybe Pelzner had a bit too much Pilsner ...

But really ... WTF were they thinking?

Any normal person is going to look at that scene and think "violent crime".

[freebilly]

p.p.s., but he’s guilty as hell....

[jmacusa]

“I long for the touch of your lips dear/but more for the touch of your whips dear/fracture my spine and swear that you’re mine/ and be my bondage Valentine’’.

[Ratman83]

Poor reporting, no list of charges.

[BerryDingle]

Yawn...Portland...Subaru...Ducktape..

She's another liberal being kept under control.

[denydenydeny]

Sounds like more of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode than a Portlandia.

[wideawake]

Portland may be a city that has always prided itself on its eccentricities

It actually hasn't.

Portland has been around for 160 years, but it didn't really get a reputation for being "alternative" or "weird" or "edgy" until the explosive growth in its population over the past twenty years.

In the early 90s it became a cheaper, more livable alternative to San Francisco and Seattle for internet and consulting companies. Between 1990 and today its population shot up from 350K to over 600K, a roughly 60% increase.

The too-well-documented Seattle boom of the 90s increased Seattle's population less than 20% in comparison.

Portland has seen an influx of almost 200,000 white, college-educated, wealthy hipsters in the past 15 years, which explains its current reputation for self-congratulatory eccentricity.

[Night Hides Not]

I didn’t know there were any Amish in Portland.

[WXRGina]

Looks like Michelle Trachtenberg.

She looks like she could be Casey Anthony's sister!

[VeniVidiVici]

Hmmmmm.

[bolobaby]

Decidedly NOT GUILTY.

[sodpoodle]

****Police say they had no way of knowing they weren’t looking for a potential murder victim.

“The concern is their actions created a pretty substantial public alarm, to the point where you have a 911 caller saying she’s concerned about this person tied up naked in the back of a car,” Lt. Robert King, bureau spokesman, told the Los Angeles Times.****

Ended badly? She was ‘hazy’? Whose bright idea was this Valentine stupidity? A really good cover for murder by misadventure.

Think - Josh Powell, Drew Peterson, Scott Peterson, Ted Bundy, Jason Young and dozens of other men who disposed of their wives and lovers.

She may still not realize how close she was to a ‘disappearing’.

[trailhkr1]

According to her Myspace acct she list herself as bisexual.

[trailhkr1]

Absolutely gorgeous eyes.

[Lakeshark]

Oregon?

*Ponders the meaning*

:-)

[taildragger]

Oh no ya had too, bracing for Laz impact.....

[dfwgator]

According to her Myspace acct she list herself as bisexual.

More like "Trisexual", as in "If it's sexual, she'll 'tri' it."

[Theoria]

'are under arrest on charges of disorderly conduct in the second degree'

[Cheburashka]

Police confirmed from Pelzner “that she was voluntarily bound and nude in the back of the Subaru,” it said.

---

Sigh. Just another of our valuable inalienable rights being taken away by Big Government.

[Protect the Bill of Rights]

At least they were not in a Yugo.
They could have been killed by a produce truck while worrying about that backseat [rhymes with duck]....in a Yugo.

Apologies to Rush Limbaugh and Paul Shanklin....and the mods. :)

[Rich21IE]

All college-educated hipster bitches in Portland list themselves as bisexual. It’s the “in” thing to do.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Looks like Michelle Trachtenberg.

Whoa! From a half a light year away perhaps.

[Ramius]

Absolutely gorgeous eyes.

Roger that. I was going to say the same thing. Wow... those eyes are intoxicating.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

“I long for the touch of your lips dear/but more for the touch of your whips dear"

The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer!

[Darksheare]

Okay Derlly, fess up.
You inspired this one or instigated it in some way shape or form.

[ExCTCitizen]

Subaru Legacy....

Subaru's ads is about love your car... but I doubt this will be an ad for them....

[Ratman83]

Thanks, missed that. I think the police a streching to charge them.

[null and void]

Making Love In A Subaru

[Darksheare]

Parking brake..
Horn honking, wipers going.. that’s the mental image.

[JimRed]

More like "Trisexual", as in "If it's sexual, she'll 'tri' it."

I guy I know is bi-sexual; when he wants it, he buys it!

[JimRed]

Is that li’l Buffy, all grown up?

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Ok...here's an interesting find from The Seattle Times:

Mardi Gras returns to Pioneer Square

Stephanie Pelzner arrives to perform in the Fat Tuesday Seattle Erotic Ball in Pioneer Square.

[raccoonradio]

song from a few decades ago aired on Dr Demento

Making love in a Subaru, that’s what I wanna do with you
We can always feel around the steering wheel, there seems
to be so much that we can do
An alibi that I will not allow is when you tell me that you don’t know how
‘Cause it’s just like being in bed, all your clothing you
must shed—you can stick ‘em in the glovebox for now

Pigeons overhead flying high, hovering above us in the sky
Now I’m feeling ill at ease, oh my darling would you please
Close the sunroof, something just fell in my eye—yuck!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXYKVfoJ2Gs

[null and void]

All in the song...

[Darksheare]

Well, except for the wipers coming on and the turn signals, headlights turning on.

[Darksheare]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuaIJGJNbzo

[Darksheare]

Uh.. Derlly hasn’t chimed in yet.

[null and void]

Duct tape?

[Lakeshark]

She may have gone comatose from the lack of rain this winter........

Curled up in a Subaru corner sucking her paws.

[Darksheare]

Nully, “Duct tape?”

Possibly.

[Lakeshark]

*Hybridized sentence*

Duct taped in a Subaru corner, sucking her paws.

[Boogieman]

The dream of the 1890's is alive in Portland....

[Night Hides Not]

But can she say the magic word from Club Vandersexxx (Euro Trip)?

She's intimidating, that's for sure.