(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS

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We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

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My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had ice-burg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City

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I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS

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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

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The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

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I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

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I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
And for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

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How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us......and they VOTE

[red-dawg]

[Currentriverrat]

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF

[martin_fierro]

[martin_fierro]

[martin_fierro]

[Sax]

[Sax]

[Rightly Biased]

A matching set...

I wonder if they have a similair set on thier steering wheels to blow so they can drive?

[sunny48]

All you need to know about bats! The newsletter from, "The Texas Gardener Seeds" said: Put up a bat house to encourage the presence of these shy animals. Bats consume 3,000 or more mosquitoes and other insects nightly, and bats are less likely to be rabid than dogs are. Need another reason? Bats are responsible for up to 95 percent of the seed dispersal essential to the regeneration of forests. Our planet is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the Bat Family... Sucker-footed Bat Red-Winged Fruit Bat Left-Winged Socialist Ding Bat If we could just train him to eat mosquitoes . . . or do SOMETHING useful!

[llevrok]

Years ago, one of my daughter's high school classmates committed suicide.

At the funeral, every one was obviously in shock and sad. The mother of the dead girl was doing her best to hold it together for her sake and all the girls who attended.

As she went from girl to girl, trying to comfort them, she came up to my daughter and her best friend (a blond, I might add) and said “Thank you for coming today, girls”. Our blond friend replied to the mom, “And you too”.

[sunny48]

13 simple steps to get you through a rough day,

Click for the rest. Too big to print. My favorites are 5 & 8

http://zqi.bo.lt/ajbza

[presently no screen name]

What’s wrong with them - they forgot to buckle up! :)

[unique1]

Question – Who was the first liberal Democrat? Answer -Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left there not knowing where he’d been and did it all on borrowed money.

[a fool in paradise]

Top 33 1/3!

[presently no screen name]

So Funny! THANKS!

Now I have to - out for a bit. (the dash don’t be silent)

[unique1]

[unique1]

The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children, dressed in their cute Easter outfits, to the front of the church and had them sit around him.

He said, “Today is Easter, and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we’re going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?”

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor held the microphone in front of him and said, “Please, tell us what the resurrection is.”

The little boy, proud of himself because he knew the answer, said in a clear, loud voice “When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!”

It took a solid five minutes before the pastor could speak again.

[unique1]

[a fool in paradise]

One of these dorks is not like the other.

[unique1]

I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.