Posted on 09/23/2014 6:28:54 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
The image of Adrian Peterson’s son’s legs has ignited a welcome cultural conversation. This is unusual. Most of these contrived “conversations” are efforts to take one headline and shoehorn it into a narrative that liberals want to advance, usually about race and racism. Those “conversations” are never truthful.
But the discussion of a four-year-old boy’s wounds has elicited some brutally honest commentary.
Writing on CNN.com, Steven Holmes blasted what he regards as excessive tolerance for spanking and child abuse in the black community. He dispatches the “I was whipped and I turned out all right” excuse. Holmes cites the abundant research showing that “spanking inhibits the learning process . . . It leads to anger, depression, violence and alcohol and drug abuse. It breeds hostility toward authority . . . and spawns other antisocial behaviors.” Physical punishment, he continues “is associated with legions of sullen, angry, violence-prone boys . . . ”
Peterson advanced the “mean streets” argument. “I could have been one of those kids that was lost in the streets without the discipline instilled in me by my parents . . . ” Holmes replies: “This may have been true for Peterson. But what also could be true is that the streets may not have been so mean if they were not populated by so many kids who are angry at the world because, among other things, they were spanked.”
Physical punishment is almost as common among whites. Some conservatives defend spanking because they see critics as liberals who seek to undermine authority across the board. Doubtless, some are — and some liberal parenting approaches are enough to make you want to take a switch to the adult! (“Dylan, how would you feel if someone cut your fingers with scissors?”)
But to quote Mother Teresa on the subject of abortion, “Don’t resort to violence.” Of course there’s a difference between a swat on the bottom and a beating with a tree branch or electrical wire. But, frankly, why would anyone defend using violence to teach children right from wrong? We don’t do it with puppies and kittens anymore, for heaven’s sake.
Some research suggests that 66 percent of parents admit to striking their children, and 30 percent of those say they’ve spanked children as young as one year old. Picture a 1-year-old; just struggling to get to his feet; wobbling between the coffee table and the sofa. Is there no way, other than violence, to teach him not to pull the cat’s tail?
This is not to deny that kids can be extremely provoking, and that they are in dire need of limit setting. There is no harder job. When one of our sons was having behavior problems, we enrolled in a course for parents of children with autistic-spectrum disorders. We thought we had tried everything (except hitting of course). We hadn’t. Kids with this condition, we were told, don’t distinguish between good attention and bad attention. Acting out gets the notice they crave, even if it’s in the form of a reprimand or a time out.
One way to cope was to “catch them being good “ and then praise them lavishly. Their need for attention would be filled up with approval. Working toward rewards (tokens for clearing their place, making their beds, putting their shoes in the mud room) that could later be cashed in for prizes helped them plan for the future, delay gratification, and receive positive feedback. Did it work 100 percent of the time? Of course not. Did we sometimes resent having to establish these elaborate rituals for tasks that ought to be simple? Yes. But if we had hit the boy, his already fragile ego might never have recovered.
Studies have also shown that verbal abuse can be as damaging as physical violence. Children who are ridiculed or belittled by their parents, dismissed as “stupid” or “idiotic” just for doing childish things, are as prone to negative outcomes as those who are physically assaulted.
Some parents are abusive because they’re bad people. But many well-meaning parents may be harming their children in the misguided belief that hitting or insulting them instills important virtues, or at least does no harm. They might want to think again.
— Mona Charen is a senior fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center
The proper answer to this is that it is not a topic to be discussed in public. The father is the Biblical, God-appointed head of the household. In that domain, the father is answerable ONLY to God. No person has a right to interfere or inquire.
Women who feel the father goes to far can and do leave. But they must be sure that the threat to then merits the consequences for stepping out of the authority of the husband. Women are required by God to submit to their husbands and so breaking that covenant should never be done lightly. It should be rare and done only in extreme circumstances. The 50% divorce rate of today is a sign that women have been taught by feminism to rebel against God.
Regardless of what happens, all details should be kept within the family, save the participation of trusted clergyman who is right with God.
Not that I am parent of the year but I think the key thing is actually enjoying and liking your children. There isn't anyone on the planet I'd rather be with more than my kids.
Yes.
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” -Proverb
It is better for parents to discipline a child early than to see that child disciplined by police later on.
The current powers in federal government give much evidence that they did not experience discipline when it was most needed.
Great post, Jewbacca.
I think the increasing problem with “spanking” these days is that some of the ‘parents’ doing the spanking are NOT mature enough to be CORRECTING their kids - rather, they’re smacking the kids out of their own displeasure and frustration.
I STILL believe the Bible is right: “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”
But you said it well - last resort and never in anger. Make the POINT to the child.
There is spanking and then there s beating. Spanking OK, beating not so much. I think the word spanking does not mean what Adrien Peterson thinks it means.
My son is 8.5 and I ‘ve only had whoop his butt 3 times,,, he is a better person because of them..
It called deterrence.
Well, if the child is truly incorrigible,
he needs to be taken to the city gates and stoned...
(just kidding!)
There’s a lot of information recently compiled on the biblical difference between “correction” and “punishment”.
Correction is done out of love with the purpose of redirecting the child to better choices.
Punishment is done to meet out “justice” out of your own sense of wrath (and that’s wrong).
These would include pillories and stocks.
Just the threat of the embarrassment of public humiliation would work many times.
When it didn't, trot the problem child off to be punished.
If a parent became over zealous, other parents or a cop could pull them away before the spanking turned into a beating.
spanking is fine unless/until you start liking it too much
Yep. Given a choice between swatting my child on the bottom to make her understand that Mommy means what she says and having my child run into the street and get hit by a car I’ll pick the spanking.
Is spanking always o.k.? A lot depends on the child. Sometimes a couple of swats on the bottom for severe misbehavior or disobedience is all that is needed. Sometimes you as a parent can tell it is not doing any good. At that point you really can’t keep spanking till you wear your arm out. It is better then to figure out an effective means of discipline or punishment.
As the child grows older and is more able to understand the why of Mommy and Daddy’s rules the spankings as a form of punishment or discipline should decrease. But a quick swat or two on a well padded bottom is not going to lead a child to the life of a hellion.
Children do know when their parents love them and as long as the hugs and affirmation come more often than spankings or other punishment, all will be fine.
Maybe they are angry because they don’t have a father in the ho house. Maybe they are angry because they are told over and over again by the Dem Plantation Overseers that they should be angry. Maybe they are angry because more and more they are shut out from entry level jobs because they lack the work experience and education to justify hiring them at inflated minimum wages. Maybe they are angry because their education has left them so ill prepared to function as independent adults in the real world. Maybe they are angry because they want to be in order to have an excuse for uncivilized and even criminal behavior.
I agree but it does not serve those who want to ban physical punishment of any child if that distinction is made clear.
How do Christians understand this Biblical admonition:
Proverbs 13:24 ESV :
“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
Proverbs 29:15 ESV
“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
Proverbs 23:13-14 ESV
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.”
A lot of parenting is about children learning that the parents are in control of them, not vice versa (as they seem to learn in school).
There are a lot of ways to demonstrate control, including spanking. However, if you beat the crap out of your kid, you only show him that you cannot control your anger.
Now, now what two consenting adults do in the privacy...
If a parent became over zealous, other parents or a cop could pull them away before the spanking turned into a beating.
Many people miss that this was exactly the point of the Old Testament prescription for handling the incorrigible.
The elders of the city were involved to determine if the parents were indeed experiencing incorrigibility or other action needed to be taken before the final judgement of stoning.
Ahem: reading comprehension.
You’re right: I misunderstood you. Mea culpa!
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