Posted on 03/17/2015 3:45:35 PM PDT by goodwithagun
Four Roses, excellent choice. I don’t know any jokes I’ll just make random comments.
AMEN!
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”
Billy says, “In the car.”
Paddy says, “That’s the quickest way.”
Cold buttermilk.
The only dirty joke I can think of at the moment is hillary.
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
“Did you see the paper?” Gallagher asked. “They say I died!”
“Aye, I saw it!” Finney replied. “Where are you callin’ from?”
Eeeexelent, Dr. B! Here’s one for the gang!
Paddy is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy’s car and asks him what on earth he was doing.
Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, “Fer the luv ‘o God Paddy, that’s yer air freshener hanging from the mirror!”
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland’s rugby victory.
Mick, the bartender, says: “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy” Paddy replies “OK Mick, O’ll be on me way then.” Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. Shoite” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. “Shoite, Shoite!”
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame, sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better
and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. ”Bi’Jesus... I’m fockin’ focked,” he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a
look up the stairs and says “No fockin’ way”. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “If I can just make it to me bed.” He takes a
step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says “Oh, fock it” and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy. Did
you have a bit to drink last night then?”. Paddy says, “Oi did, Jess, oi did. I was fockin’ ****ed. But how’d you know?” “Mick called,” she said. “You’ve left your wheelchair at the pub.”
ROFL! Hadn’t heard that one before! Nice!
Heard another one:
A Irish man leave the pub after a hard night’s drinking. He walks past a window full of beautiful girls all sitting in a row. Feeling a bit devilish he steps in and starts making a pass at the girls, kissing a few, and groping a few others, each giving him a bit more attention than he thought his looks deserved. So, he speaks up, “What da hell? Why you all so nice ta me? I mean, what’s dis gunna cost anyway?” “Nothing”, says the women in the door, “This is the after hours VD clinic.”
Yet you dropped by the party....
ROFLOL!
I think some random comments are funnier than jokes. Irish laugh at anything
We try to find all the humour we can in this life.
Paddy walks into a pub in Galway with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: “Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat.” The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it’s the ostrich’s round. He walks up to the bar and says: “Beer for me, beer for Paddy, whisky for the cat.” Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat’s turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to “Sod off!” So Paddy goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky. Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: “I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn’t. Why do you hang out with him?” Paddy replies: “I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever.” “What did you wish for?” enquires the barman. “A long-legged bird with a tight pussy”
Amen! The Irish are good at finding humor in even the darkest times, it helps to laugh. It always helps to laugh! I am a wee bit Irish!
Crown Royal Manhattan, up. I’m Irish, and should be drinking Guiness or Harp (or both!), but I gave beer up for Lent :-)
[We try to find all the humour we can in this life.]
Yes we do, laughter is good for the soul.
An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave.
The bartender stops him and asks, “Excuse me but, what was that all about?”
The Irishman replies, “My wife sent me out for a jar of olives.”
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