Posted on 03/18/2015 11:59:59 AM PDT by taxcontrol
Last month my brother-in-law passed unexpectedly from a massive heart attack. He appeared to be in good shape, he worked out and even had is annual physical a week prior to his passing. He had just purchased a house that he was going to remodel and had a really good job. He was 46 years old. Far too young to be leaving us by our standards. He was loved. The good news is that I know he was a Christian. Perhaps not the ideal but he was a baptized believer in Christ. I know in my heart that he is in heaven. But man did he leave us a mess. Which brings me to the topic of this thread. Things to do that will make your passing easier on those who are left behind.
First, important papers
Have a location and tell others where they can find your important papers. If it is important to you, it will be important to your family. Passports, vehicle titles, DD 214, tax records, insurance policies, bank statements, credit card receipts, purchase receipts, CCW and weapons permits, etc. Keep it ALL in a fireproof, secure location. Please do not spread out these papers over your house and store them in different locations.
Medications
Look we all have to take medications from time to time. Some of our afflictions can be embarrassing. I get it. But when the Coroner asks for a list of all medications, we are going to go to your bathroom medicine cabinet and make a list. It would help us if you would have a list of your doctor(s) / medications taped to the back of your mirror cabinet or the cabinet door. If you are on illegal drugs, or taking steroids, or "sex performance" drugs, list them as well. We want to know the truth about how or why you died. If your drug mix was toxic, we want to know.
Funeral planning
A grieving family members will often agonize and sometimes fight over what to do with your remains, what kind of funeral do you want, even what music you want played. Make it easy on them by writing down your wishes and place it in your important papers. If you have the financial ability, pre-pay for some or all of the service.
Keys
I loved my brother-in-law but the man horded keys. We have three gallon sized bags of keys and MAYBE MAYBE can identify 12 of them. Please label your keys. Make copies of your critical keys (cars, house, gun safes, etc) and keep them with your important papers.
Accounts and Passwords
This is a real must. Have a separate sheet of all of your bills, the account name/number, contact information for the customer service, date of and amount of balances, but most importantly, instructions on how to access the account including password. This should be true for everything that you conduct business through the web or via snail mail.
Pets and kids
Leave some kind of preference with what you wont to do with them. With kids, it should be reflected in your will to give it some level of legal authority. With pets, if there are family members or ex'es or other that you DO NOT want your pets to go to, pleas write that down. Like wise, if there is someone or an order of who you would like to see the pet go to, put that down. If you have a vet that you use, leave a paper behind that says we can look at your pet's medical records. If there are medications for your pet, list them along with instructions on feeding and medicating your pets.
Last will and testament
Everyone knows we need one, very few of us actually make one. Please, make one. There are several locations on the internet that offer free generic wills in template form that you can fill out. List out your assets and write down who you want to have that asset. I know, it is time consuming and a real pain to have to think about. But it is really helpful. Remember, that at the end of the asset list, you should include a generic statement to the effect that all other assets are to be distributed as the executor sees fit or given to family members or sold to raise money for your estate.
Guns and ammunition
Make a list of them with serial numbers and where they are located. Keep that list in your personal papers. In my state, the family can inherit firearms without a transfer of ownership. But we had to search through the house to find them and the ammunition that went with those firearms. Again, if you want a firearm to go to someone, make that known as well. If you have a preppers cache stored somewhere, include that information as well.
Hidden compartments
My brother-in-law did let us know that he had a "hiddey hole". Unfortunately he did not tell us where it was. After two days of intense searching we did find it. It had a small amount of cash and more unlabeled keys. Please list your hidden compartments and "stashes" with your important papers.
Now I have to go and follow my own advice.
Freepers, care to add to this?
Thanks for posting this. Ping to see what advice people have.
One suggestion, keep them in a separate fireproof safe and LEAVE THE KEY IN IT. My parents had all their papers in a small safe, and burglars broke in, couldn't open it, and took the whole safe. Later the police found it open in the local reservoir, all the papers ruined. Had the key been in it they would never have bothered to take it. It will also save your family from looking for the key.
My father passed in December and fortunately, he was well organized, methodical in his paperwork and planning, as well as keeping essential documents in a central, fireproof safe.
As an aside, he did keep a lot of unessential records along with the important papers. For example, we found all of his tax returns and tax receipts. . .dating back to 1954.
You might also include what you wish to be buried in. My father, a retired O-6, told my mother he wished to be buried in his uniform. He also told me that as well, too include pointing out his dress blues as the uniform he wanted. My mother, never confirmed which uniform and she had him dressed in his White Mess Dress with medals and rank. However, as pointed out, this was not the uniform he wanted to be buried in. That was one issue, not a big deal really, but my mother wanted to keep "his medals," and as the casket was closing she had them removed from his uniform, too include his shoulder boards with rank. He was basically buried without his military honors. Not what he wanted.
Might as well put them in a dresser drawer with a sign saying “Keep Out.”
That won’t help in a fire.
Sorry to hear about your father’s uniform. I believe that a simple fix could have been arraigned by having an extra set of medals. Perhaps one for the wife and each of the children?
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Well UT denizens?
Anything to add, suggest, or amend with this list?
Your suggestion would have worked. . .If I had known this was what she was going to do. But, sadly, I did not know mother was going to remove them until just before closing of the casket.
I offered to purchase an extra set and let him be buried with his honors but to my mother those were “his” medals and she didn't want to have a copy. She wanted his.
(These medals were your basic type, name not engraved, usual medals one gets when earning a Legion of Merit, MSM, Outstanding Unit. . that sort of stuff. However, mother was adamant and I could see any pushing on my part would have been very bad. . .and my last wishes are very clear on my uniform and medals requirements.)
I think that it is a great list. I particularly took to heart the advice about pets.
I am also very supportive of drafting a will, and other end of life documents. I would advise that everyone sit down and discuss the contents of the will with the heirs. If you are honest with them up front, it will likely eliminate the post death fighting that destroys families. Of course, this assumes that the heirs are mature enough to understand the discussion.
Bfl....I am working on something that solves this...will have to post it when completed
To be honest, this is a good list.
That is so sad. I am prior service myself and know how important that must have been to your dad. I can also empathize with your mom. Had you been given enough warning, you could have given your mom the medals prior to the funeral and had the new “shiny” medals buried with him.
Since I plan to live for a couple more millennia I’m not too worried about this.
Sadly, I did not know mother was going to remove them until just before closing of the casket.
I’ve thought about this a lot recently. My grandfather had a massive heart attack and dropped dead shoveling snow at age 44. My mother was 14 at the time, the oldest of 5 kids. He was a Liberator pilot in the Pacific during WWII survived being shot down twice, earning the Distinguished Flying Cross.
I just turned 44. I have 3 sons under 10. I’m also a military pilot and my health has been vigorously monitored over the years via annual flight physicals. That pesky family history still worries me. Enough so that as unpleasant as it was to do my wife and I have wills and complete estate planning done. Just necessary fault stuff to do.
Sorry for your loss.
Great thread. I am in the process of building a continuity book for my wife and sons for just this reason. I would also add to that list any routine household maintenance items that need tending to (air filters, water softeners, sprinkler systems, etc...), water mains, breaker panel, garage door openers... Don’t take it for granted that just because you know about these things that your family does or will remember to check. Also, vehicle info.
Oh that is good advice. My brother-in-law had just purchased his house and we are going to sell it so we dont really have a maintenance list. But I can see how this would be very helpful for the survivors, even if there was a need to sell the house.
I’m very sorry about your brother-in-law’s passing.
I will have all of my assets split evenly amoung my children. That is for the Will. The children get along very well together so it shouldn’t be a problem for individual items.
For bank accounts, I had to pick one of my children or any other adult to have control/ownership of the bank accounts passed to them when I pass away. The bank would not divide it any further.
Could you please let me know when you do...I am interested (in the list, not dying anytime soon). Thanks.
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