Posted on 08/22/2015 7:43:13 PM PDT by PROCON
I am sorry. To all you moms out there who can’t go out to eat because your kid screams and ruins your dinner, I am so sorry. Until now, I’ve been incredibly spoiled and I may have even thought it was your fault that your kid was screaming during dinner. (I may have judged you a little.) My first two children–girls–were what we called white-tablecloth babies. We could take them to the best upscale restaurant on the Magnificent Mile and they wouldn’t make a peep. They would eat their dinner and play with a toy and everyone would smile at them and compliment me. I thought I was soooooo good at this mothering thing. What a fool I was.
My darling son just turned one. This is the one who already got me yelled at on a plane (another first). He has one volume: LOUD. He screams if his food isn’t in front of him quickly enough, when he runs out of zucchini and hot dogs, when he’s thirsty, tired, angry, happy, sticky, uncomfortable, bored, or just having fun. He has one mode of communication: screaming. This is not a discipline issue. He can’t be “disciplined” yet. He’s a baby. (The first person to say “spank him” in the comments section loses. You don’t spank a baby.) You can’t even really speak harshly to a baby. It makes the screaming worse! The only thing you can do is hurry up and leave the restaurant, change his scenery, play peek-a-boo, give him your keys, your necklace, the ten different toys in the baby bag, your wallet, your dignity and pray it stops. My God, it’s horrible!
Don’t get me wrong. I adore this kid, but I’ve never heard so much screaming this side of Hell. I’m sure it will lessen when he can talk and communicate with us, but as it is, we are drowning in shrieking over here. I hesitate to say, “I can’t wait for this stage to be over” because the next one that comes is the whining stage and that one’s no picnic either. What the heck happened to my quiet baby who nursed half the day and slept the rest of the time? Why do I feel like I’ve never done this before and most importantly, will I ever eat out with my family again?
Not only does he scream, but he misses his mouth most of the time (see “Why My Kitchen Floor is Always Disgusting“) and the whole floor around him is peppered with bits of half-chewed food. It’s so embarrassing. Mr. Fox and I had an emergency meeting about the dining-out behavior tonight. We are about to go out of town for two days and we’ve decided we should bring food and just eat in our room. It’s that bad. And I’m a veteran mother! This is number three! If I am not doing well, how much worse is it for you first timers? I’m so sorry! I feel you, sister!
So here’s my best advice if you’re facing a similar problem:
1.It’s not your fault.
2.Vodka is your friend.
3.If you must go out to eat, go to the next town to the loudest place you can find (where no one knows you) and leave a big tip.
4.Leave him with a babysitter until he’s 10.
Above all, the days are long, but the years are short, so it will end sooner than you think it will. Until then, you’ll find me slinking out of public places with a shrieking baby, trying not to be recognized.
As a nurse, it is important for parents to be able to control the child to prevent self injury after trauma or surgery. Little kids have airways about the size of their little finger. Make it a 200 pound screaming six year old (not exaggerating) and the airway is proportionally smaller. Now take out the tonsils and adenoids, not a “small” or “everyday” surgery in any case, that child is in serious trouble if not following instructions.
Had a 4 year old screaming at his mother and all of the women in the recovery room “F**king B**chs”. Brought DAD in who attempted to control the little darling by clapping his hand over the kid’s mouth, but the kid went to bite him and the kid repeated “F**king B**chs”. I said to DAD, “You must be so proud”. DAD looked at me like “You F**king B**ch”
Ha ha—what an image!
OK, one of us tech-savvy FReepers has to invent the “Cone of Silence” for babies in transit or out in public places (remember “Get Smart”?).
8^)
Hardly inconsiderate. The first time the kid does it take it home and don’t take it out again until it learns.
Exactly. It’s easy to hide behind a screen name and make yourself look badass by all your stories of picking in little guys. Funny, though, I have never had a tough guy feel the need to correct my parenting or something they felt I was doing wrong. It does gives me great comfort to know all of the perfect parents on FR are watching me and my wife, ready to straighten us out if we don’t meet their high standards.
They and you, fail to see that YOUR ACTIONS, or lack of action, affects those around you.
You inflict your brats upon others and expect us to just meekly sit by and allow it.
If the parents would HAVE BEEN parents, in the first place, the issue never would have arisen.
YOU like the other @$$holes, fail to grasp a very important point. When they left, the manager did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for them.
He did, come over to me and take my check and apologize for the inconvenience, with out me saying anything to anybody.
In other words, that kid-your kid...those parents-you, were being disruptive to the entire restaurant. Repeated attempts were made in a genteel manner, to address the issue, ie. eye contact, hairy eyeball and yet they went unheeded, that left the less genteel route. The "parents" and the unruly brat left. Hopefully offended enough never to return. Leaving the other customers to enjoy the meal for which the paid for and expected.
I don't go around looking to correct other peoples kids. I understand very well that kids will be kids. I WAS somewhat...a problem child. I probably would have been classified ADHD today. BUT my parents kept a short reign on me. Plenty of notes home from school and phone calls from teachers, resulted in plenty of spankings.
I spent YEARS volunteering with youth at church. I was/am an adult who is in touch with his inner child, and I draw that out from others around me. But as an ADULT, I also know when to curb that. I had some great men in my life, at church, who guided me along. Who allowed me to be me and still loved me enough to be tough with me, when needed.
All that to say, I'm very experienced with difficult kids. I WAS ONE. Because of the men in my life, I learned how to deal with kids like me and did so for many years. HUNDREDS of kids.
I don't presume that I know all the answers, but I have enough experience to read the vast majority of behavioral issues.
You said earlier:
Wow. You are my hero. How tough that must have made you feel.
It wasn't about me feeling tough or about my ego. I'm 6 foot, 280 lbs. I've had numerous times, been asked if I ever played pro football. I also have a kind of take charge/ lets go/ lets do this, attitude. I have been told NUMEROUS times, that when I walk into a room, people notice. That I have a certain air about me, that commands attention. Its not about me ACTING this way. Its a natural part of my person. It's that inner ADHD energy that I had to learn to channel.
Because of my personality, I have a tendency to be less hesitant about things. Where others balk, I just move forward.
Couple my personality with my much larger than average size and it has bearings on how others view me, interact and respond to me.
The vast majority of the time, when I consciously "throw my weight around", it's to help others along. They may be tentative to do something, I just go ahead and do it and they follow. Works 90% of the time. The other 10%, I get done what needed to be done.
The restaurant was just such a time. Myself and others were being annoyed. I got tired of being genteel and tentative, so I took charge of the situation.
When I said "somebody needs a spankin", it wasn't done angrily or intimidating. I said it jovially, but matter of fact. It was the wife who decided to escalate the situation to a confrontation.
Well, man OR woman, you take something to a confrontation, you either better have the horse power to back it up, or the fortitude to handle the repercussions.
The woman went into all out b!tch mode. Sorry...that don't sit well with me. Maybe Melvin Milquetoast is her husband, that ain't me. Someone wants to throw attitude around with me, I generally have more than enough of my own to handle it.
That's when the "husband" decided to step in. Hey...if he would have stepped in earlier, the situation would have never arisen in the first place. He decided he wanted to suddenly grab the pants from either his wife or child and "prove" his fortitude. He didn't have the fortitude to deal with a 28 pound 4 year old child, in the best of circumstances, he's not going to suddenly have the fortitude to handle a 280 pound adult. Which was QUICKLY proven, when the wife grabbed the pants back from him.
Next you said:
"I would say you are lucky you picked the right guy. Some of us would not have been impressed with your tough guy act and accepted your invitation to discuss it outside.
Of course I imagine you knew there was little chance you would have to back it up.
Listen cupcake!
I was just relating my story.
I wasn't looking for a confrontation then...I just wanted to enjoy my meal in a relatively nice atmosphere, which I paid for.
And I'm not looking for one now.
I don't need or want some internet warrior trying to throw the gauntlet of his manhood in front of me.
Yeah...your a tough guy.
If I would have said that to you, you would have taken me outside...
Yeah...OKAY...(yawn)...you proved your tough...
Now move along...
I wasn't talking to you in the first place.
Go play tough guy, on the internet, somewhere else.
As if the offspring of your wife, Morgan Fairchild, could be anything but perfect. :)
Vodka is not a solution in this situation.
You are the one who continues to self promote your toughness by now describing your size and reaffirming that you basically bullied someone much smaller. Simply because they weren’t controlling their child to your standards. Do you even have kids? Being a youth leader and being a real parent are two totally different things. I know, I am both.
Who are you to presume to know what is going on someone’s life? Parenting three young kids, one with special needs, takes guts and strength, and sometimes it is just too tiring to parent to your high standards. Purposely intimidating someone half your size because their kid bothered you at a restaurant doesn’t really show that love of Christ youth leader heart now does it?
Sorry, but to me you appear to be a short, fat 20 something who thinks he is something he is not.
Some restaurants play loud music or just the ambient sound can be very loud.
I guess you have never had the pleasure of a baby with colic. Up at 10pm to walk till 12:30am, up at 1:30am to walk till 4:30am, up at 5:00am to walk till 6:00am, wake wife to walk to 7:00am because you have to get ready for work, get to work at 7:00 am and look forward to another night just the same.
I said contemplate, not execute the deed.
If you never had that thought cross your mind then you must be a saint, I on the other hand am not.
Both of mine lived through it and are now doing very well for themselves; sometimes I am not so sure that I did, as a sane human being any way.
Some people say USMC boot camp is tough; it wasn’t crap compared to raising 2 babies with colic, working full time, and going to college at night till 8pm.
Did I contemplate shutting them up permanently; YOU BET I DID, did I do it, NOPE and happy about the eventual outcome. Just had to wait about 24 years.
Very true, and it happens a lot more than most people would care to admit.
she should be he.
1st off...YOU weren't there. You know nothing of the situation. And yet, you form an opinion.
Second...The manager WHO WAS THERE saw things differently than you.
Lastly, this episode had nothing to do with you and yet you seem to keep wanting to interject yourself and your situation into the scenario. Get over yourself. Life isn't all about you. Obviously you lack critical thinking skills. The situation DID NOT have any of the "What If's" you keep trying to interject, AND YET you keep trying to interject them. You seem to think that ONLY YOU can identify issues in others and that others are incapable.
Here's the deal. YOU ain't the beginning and end all of people being able to read others. I have a news flash for you. Believe it or not, others don't always act one way. If I would have read the situation differently, I would have acted differently.
As far as intimidation...making eye contact wasn't intimidation. That's just 2 people seeing each other and acknowledging their existence.
Giving someone the hairy eyeball isn't intimidation. That's just silently and non confrontationally letting the other person know that they are beginning to annoy the other.
When nothing was done, that's when the chiding happened. Again, that's not intimidation.
What happened next was the wife, instead of trying to remedy the situation, instead chose to confront it. Like I said before, if you decide to take something to a confrontation level, you better have the horsepower to back it up, or the fortitude to handle the repercussions. Wifey had the big mouth, wifey got the verbal slap down. Hubby decides he's going to get out of his booth and play tough guy, something he wasn't able to pull off. (He got out of his seat to confront me. So who exactly is trying to intimidate who?) THAT is when I used my intimidation.
Now the alternative, would have been for me to actually have gotten up and done something.
Here. Let's do a little roll play scenario.
You and your family go out to eat for a meal. You are seated at a table where other people are seated at other tables in your general area.
Now, along come other people into the general area who are seated.
Now, one of your kids begins to act up.
What do you do???
Your child continues to act up.
What do you do???
Your child continues to act up, being loud enough, that obviously people half way across the restaurant could hear him.
What do you do???
Your child continues to act up, climbing on the booth seat and stomping around.
What do you do???
Your child bangs on the table, drawing eye contact from another customer.
What do you do???
Your child continues to make a nusance of himself.
What do you do???
Your child now gets defiant of your verbal reprimands.
What do you do???
Your child now gets off the booth and walks around the table, becoming a moving obstacle for others.
What do you do???
A customer, who has put up with this for 15 minutes, PURPOSELY makes eye contact with you and gives you THE LOOK.
What do you do???
Your child runs out of your reach, when you try to grab him.
What do you do???
You loudly raise your voice at your child, so that others around you hear you.
Your child continues.
What do you do.
Your wife tries to hold onto him and he slaps at her.
What do you do???
The customer who you've made eye contact with, TWICE, makes a comment, that your child needs a spanking.
WHAT do you do???
At what point do you apologize to those around you???
At what point do you see OTHERS having just as much right to have a nice meal out, as you???
You said:
Who are you to presume to know what is going on someone’s life?
Presumption works both ways.
Who are you to presume you know what's going on in someone's life.
That table to your right, maybe the wife just miscarried for the second time.
The table two rows over, kiddy corner to your left. Yeah, the older couple. Maybe he just got word that his wife of 47 years has breast cancer.
What about that table behind you, about 5 tables away. They have 9 kids, ages 3 mos to 12 years. They just found out that their teenage nephew has been fondling their 4 yr old girl.
The table to your left, with the burly construction worker and wife. He's been working 12 hour days, 20 days on, one off, with a 3 hour round trip commute, for the last 4 months. This is the first time in 4 months he's been able to do anything, besides shove dinner in his mouth, shower and go to bed.
The too young couple in front of you, with the pregnant wife. He works a job making $10 an hour. He scraped everything he could for the last month, just so they could go out this once, before the baby arrives.
You seem to like "what ifs". You seem to want to interject yourself into my scenario.
Interject yourself into the scenario I just posited. Those are everyday positions for many people all over this country.
You said:
Parenting three young kids, one with special needs, takes guts and strength, and sometimes it is just too tiring to parent to your high standards.
Tell that to the couple that just miscarried their 2nd child.
Tell that to the older couple that just found out she has breast cancer.
Tell that to anyone.
Your presumption is that you are the only one that has it tough.
Your presumption is that you have it tougher than anyone else.
Your presumption is, that because of your circumstance,
others OWE...YOU.
Well you win. You are my hero. Thank you for your service as the self appointed parenting police. I will sleep better knowing you are out there.
Let me know when you actually raise a child of your own. Be sure and use your “massive” size to make them tow the line, and see if they are as impressed with your badness as you seem to be.
Princess
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