TV Game Show "MUSLIM or GAY???"

Announcer: Welcome to the new game show that has all America talking, it's "Muslim or Gay" where we ask contestants to guess the identities of famous people and now, here's your host JJJJJJJosh Ernest!!!

Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, again to another edition of the hit quiz show "Muslim or Gay", brought to you by CAIR - the Council on American-Islamic Relations and by the U.S. Department of Justice - "Sticking it to whitey since 2009."

Tonight, we have a special Presidential Election edition of Muslim or Gay so let's meet our contestants:

Trump: Thank you, Josh. I appreciate being on here. You know, I do very well on television. I make millions of dollars for everyone who puts me on television - ask NBC - so I'm sure my presence tonight will be a big ratings boost for your show...

Josh: eh, Thank you Mr. Trump and here, in the center, is former first lady, former senator and former secretary of state, Ms. Hillary Rodham-Clinton!!

Hillary: Thank you, Josh. I know Bill and I are looking forward to this night and Donald, if you want to talk about making millions, you should see what Bill and I have been up to the last four years.

Josh: Okay, okay. That's enough you two. Quickly, here's how the game works. Both of you are equipped with a buzzer at your podium. We will flash a picture on our screen and name a well-known person. The first contestant that correctly identifies the person as Muslim or gay wins a three dollar bill. Only correct answers win prizes.

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Okay, contestants. Hands on the buzzers. Ready?

Omar Mateen!

Trump: Muslim!!

Josh: Oh, no. I'm sorry. The correct answer was gay. We were looking for gay. No points.

Next question....Cat Stevens!!

Hillary: Muslim!!

Josh: That's right, Mrs. Clinton. Stevens became Yusef Islam and now performs as a practicing Muslim worldwide. That's three points.

Hillary: I remember Bill and I attending one of his concerts when we were dating - smoking marijuana and making our young plans to overthrow governments...

Josh: eh, that's enough. Here's your next question:

Osama Bin Laden!

Trump: Muslim!!!

Josh: No, I'm sorry. The answer we wanted here was gay...

Trump: What??? This is crazy!!

Josh: Quiet, no points. Let's move on to the next question:

Rosie O'Donnell!

Hillary: (cackles) Oh, that's easy. She's gay! I've been on her show so many times!

Josh: That's correct Hillary!

Hillary: Oh, please! Call me "Madame President".

Josh: Well, if you insist...

Hillary: I DO insist!

Josh: So far, you lead, six points to none, but here's our next famous person:

Mohammad Atta!

Trump: He's Muslim and don't try to tell me he isn't.

Josh: Sorry. The correct answer again is gay.

Trump: This whole show is rigged! It's so corrupt and dishonest!! It's disgusting! I should have known with Crooked Hillary on the show...

Josh: Ah, ah, ah, you mean "Madame President"..

Trump: I DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OF THE SORT!

Josh: Please settle down, Mr. Trump.

Hillary: See? I told you he lacks the temperament to be president. If he can't even handle a quiz show, how can you trust him to handle that 3 a.m. call during a crisis?

Trump: Better than you did with Benghazi, I can promise you that much.

Josh: Alright! Alright! Both of you!

We just have one question left to complete our first round. Here it comes...

Hillary Rodham-Clinton!!

Trump (muttering): I haven't a f---ing clue!

Josh: Mrs. Clinton?

Hillary: I'm gay! (gasps from the audience) There, I've said it. I'm gay! I mean...(nervous laughter)...I'm extremely happy when I'm at home baking cookies with Chelsea, that's what I meant..I'm...eh...I'm... HUMA!! HUMA!!! Can we get this part redacted???

Josh: (hurriedly) Let's switch to a commercial and we'll be back with the next round..

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