Posted on 12/27/2004 8:42:48 AM PST by Houmatt
But there is always, always hope - if we ask for it.
Happy New Year!
Bump Lil J!
What do I do now? Should I keep waiting?
Run for politics. They'll dig it up. :)
Unbelievable. Grow up and get a life or at least get a shrink. Sheesh.
No leave and give her what she wants. Rebuild your life and find a girl who will appreciate you later if you so choose.
It's like Oprah says: What makes you think marriage changed her?
She sounds like she's been kind in telling you gently that it's over, letting you down easy.
There are thousands of women out there eager to find a decent man with morals. Teri may have been your soul mate, but she didn't hold the exclusive rights to it.
In all seriousness, find a good chat board where others have been through similar, it will help you very much.
Deal. Move on. Good luck.
Five years from now you'll look back and laugh about all of this. It's tough to get through but there are reasons why things happen.
I have two friends that went through divorce where children were involved. one didn't deserve what he went through at all,he was a devout Christian who turned his problem over to the Lord and he got full custody of his kids. The latter was suicidal until came to terms with his culpability in the matter turned his life over to the Lord. Both of them are a lot better off now and Serve the Lord with their testimony to those that are going through those problems.
I'm sure there are folks in your area that can help you with your needs. Ask around at your church.
It's been really sad reading this thread from the beginning, since you seem to be placing ALL your hopes on still having some contact with her. Can I be brutally honest here? From what you have said about her, it's OVER. I'm not saying that to be flippant or ugly, but to hopefully save you from months and years of misery. I wouldn't be so forward if you weren't placing all your hopes on her, and that is really sad, because it's quite evident she doesn't want to have any sort of relationship with you anymore. So, she's "freer and happier than she's been in a long time", after breaking up with you? That can be read one of two ways: either you're a normal guy and she's too immature and flighty to handle the normal emotional closeness of a normal marriage, in which case your marriage was dysfunctional, OR she was genuinely being smothered by your overwhelming self-centered emotional neediness, in which case your marriage was dysfunctional. At the risk of sounding cliche, let her go and move on with your life, for both your sakes. Kiss your videos and other property of yours that she had goodbye, and let it all go. Cut her loose. Don't try to be friends (but don't be spiteful, either). Don't log in to her blog to see how she's doing. Everything you have said about her indicates that, for whatever reason, she really, really doesn't want to be with you.
As to your misdemeanor charge, I'm glad to read further down the thread that you got yourself a lawyer. I was going to say, when I read that you said you couldn't afford a lawyer, that community service and/or probation and/or jail time would likely end up being just as expensive when you add up lost time from work and fines, PLUS the monkey wrench a misdemeanor conviction (depending on what kind it is) would be thrown into your future career possibilities. Your embarrassing indiscretion is going to cost you and arm and a leg either way you look at it. I was going to say to NOT plead guilty if you could possibly help it, and get your lawyer to work out something that wouldn't turn out to be an actual conviction, like a sort of deferred prosecution thing, where if you meet the judge's requirements, it wouldn't count as a conviction, but since you have a lawyer, consider what your lawyer has to say about it.
Hope your holidays were as good as possible. I've been reading through this thread and believe me my heart goes out to you. I've been through losing someone who I put all my life into. It doesn't seem right to have it all crumble, but it does.
I was married for 25 years. Was it always sweet things? Absolutely not. There were times when I was ready to simply chuck it all, but always allowed a cooler head to prevail. We had a child who she for lack of a better term worshipped. Kid could do no wrong. She always believed in blood family before what is right. I always believed in what was the right thing and then family considerations. It made for some very difficult family battles. Probably a large contributing factor in our demise.
How can you let her go? It is virtually impossible. To this day there are things about her that haunt me. Yet I know I have to move on. I by the way have since remarried and have a wonderful wife. Things are so much better. But there are still days that I wish it was nothing but a bad dream and that the loss would go away. Despite my better wife and happier life.
You mentioned that she had returned to mass. My wife returned to church. I think they seem to believe that the choice they are making is easier with the perception of God on their side. In my view, they are wrong, but we are dealing with women's emotions.
Let's face it, for now she's done. She doesnt' want anything to do with you. Oh, you'll say she's different or better or whatever. Fact is, when a woman has made up her mind, it's generally done. Especially if she sees any return to you as a victory for you. Unless there has been horrible abuse, this is as much about some sort of punishment for you as it is about her freedom. If you appear to be suffering, oh she'll say she feels guilty and may even experience it, but in the back of her mind, she's getting even.
As long as you appear to want to get on with your life and you appear to not be suffering, it will confuse her. So, find something, anything to move on. Get active, get involved, don't allow this to be a pity party. If you're a christian, DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT COMPROMISES YOUR VALUES. That will justify in her mind that you were not a "good" person and her actions are warranted. But do get with people, party (legally), have friends. If she knows you are not dwelling on her but getting on with life, it will help toward your healing and again may make her realize what she is losing.
One other thing, as you divide the spoils of life, she will be the one who will claim unfairness, whatever. When I left, I took only my clothes, things that were uniquely linked to me, my tools, although if I had duplicates, I left them for her. Basically, I took a carload of material. I left all the furniture, all the photos, videos, music, dishes, silverware, cooking ware, virtually all the household goods. She nailed me because I took a toy train that I bought (she didn't want it) to go around our Christmas tree, and an edge trimmer. Probably a hundred bucks worth of stuff. She was very angry over those two items. Didn't want to acknowledge that I left over $40,000 worth of household goods and other stuff that I didn't fight over. Oh, one other thing. She has since remarried and her new hubby had a son in his early teens. The son we had together called me a few weeks ago and we set up holiday plans. When mom found out it conflicted hers for our son, she told my son to call me and cancel. That it was more important that her holiday agenda be met and not mine. Fortunately, my son didn't, but she was very angry at him for not doing so and probably in her mind hurting me during the holidays.
Best of luck to you. I saw a post several above mine that had several steps to make life easier. Follow them. They are gems that will help you heal and move on. From one who's been there, do your best to put all this in your past. If ultimately it works out that she returns, then fine. You then are in the postion to make the decision whether to welcome her back or to continue in your new life. If you are a person of faith, adhere to it. Don't fall into sin, no matter how easy or how fun it may seem. You go forward with your head high and let her deal with her shortcomings in relationships.
little jeremiah, you are indeed an inspiration. God Bless you for your strength and wisdom on this thread and elsewhere and best wishes for 2005. It is after all a new year, on this the feastday of the Most Holy Name of Jesus.
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May God bless you and give you strength in your time of need.
Crying is healthy do not be ashamed.
It could be. It depends on how you have treated her in the past and how you treat her from here on in. Even then, she may decide that she wants nothing to do with you. Do the right thing, get this cleared up, and she may again be your best friend, but it's not necessarily your call.
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