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Stimulus Bill Includes New Rules for Health Care
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 14 Feb 2009 | John Semmens

Posted on 02/14/2009 4:13:23 PM PST by John Semmens

The 1,000+ pages of President Obama’s so-called economic stimulus bill contains language establishing a new National Coordinator of Health Information Technology (NCHIT) bureaucracy that will be charged with tracking and prescribing “allowable” health care treatments for all Americans.

The new bureaucracy was the “brain child” of Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) nominee, former senator Tom Daschle (D-S. Dak). “Health care costs in this country have been getting out of hand because we’re spending too much on the wrong treatments for the wrong people,” Daschle contended. “The current anarchic system allows individuals to make selfish choices that may not benefit society as a whole.”

“We need to impose order on this chaos by factoring-in key social and actuarial data to determine which individuals society should invest its scarce health dollars in,” he continued. “Expensive therapies must be reserved for only the most deserving. Frankly, some are too old or unimportant to lay claim to these treatments. It will be up to the NCHIT to decide who can and can’t be accommodated.”

In related news, there is rising speculation that Houston Astros’ shortstop Miguel Tejada, may be in line for the Secretary of HHS job now that Daschle has withdrawn. Tejada’s steroid abuse and subsequent admission that he lied to congress about it is seen as an asset. “Tejada has personal experience with a significant health issue,” said Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. Gibbs dismissed lying to congress as “something that everybody does, including congressmen themselves. May I also point out that former President Clinton was a perjurer, but that didn’t stop him from being a great president.”

California Budget Crunch Endangers Welfare Payments

Millions of the state’s welfare recipients may face termination of benefits

read more...

(Excerpt) Read more at azconservative.org ...


TOPICS: Government; Health/Medicine; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: daschle; nannystate; satire; socialism

1 posted on 02/14/2009 4:13:24 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
The Exalted One has a private physician and personal medical care.

For the rest of us, it's: Take two aspirin and stand in line again tomorrow.

2 posted on 02/14/2009 4:17:09 PM PST by reg45 (Be calm everyone. The idiot child is in charge!)
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To: John Semmens

Actually, with the “Comparative Effectiveness” measure in the Stimulus, this isn’t satire.

What is satire is that it is put so bluntly, but the legalese means the same.


3 posted on 02/14/2009 4:17:48 PM PST by autumnraine (Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose- Kris Kristopherson)
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To: 14erClimb; #1CTYankee; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; A message; abigailsmybaby; acapesket; afnamvet; ...

ping


4 posted on 02/14/2009 4:17:57 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
“The current anarchic system allows individuals to make selfish choices that may not benefit society as a whole.”

Of course, forgetting to pay taxes on $5 million in lobbyist fees is hardly a selfish choice - merely an oversight.

Die you selfish dogs!
5 posted on 02/14/2009 4:28:29 PM PST by WorkingClassFilth (Actually, it all started back in Mayberry. Helen Crump was a traveler and Floyd, well, you know...)
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To: John Semmens

What about ARod, Clemens or Palmiero?


6 posted on 02/14/2009 4:28:33 PM PST by Man50D (Fair Tax, you earn it, you keep it!)
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To: John Semmens

THIS is what will break The Messiah and his Stalinist Congress.


7 posted on 02/14/2009 4:33:48 PM PST by pabianice
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To: John Semmens

Great one, John. This rivals my all time favorite of your articles, the one you wrote about the wonders of free health care in Cuba. BTW, would you have a link to that one? It was a at least a couple of years ago and I can’t find it on FR.


8 posted on 02/14/2009 4:37:05 PM PST by Huntress (Proud owner of Norman/Norma, the transsexual attack cat.)
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To: John Semmens

Seems to believable, another really good one...!


9 posted on 02/14/2009 4:49:30 PM PST by mcar
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To: Huntress; John Semmens
Never mind, I found it.

Cubans Reflect on Life Under/After Castro

10 posted on 02/14/2009 4:53:00 PM PST by Huntress (Proud owner of Norman/Norma, the transsexual attack cat.)
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To: John Semmens

**Miguel Tejada, may be in line for the Secretary of HHS **

It’s getting too hard to find the SATIRE.. I’m hoping the above line is it...
Although with the BS that MULLAH OBAMA has already pulled on us.. appointing Tejada Would NOT Surprise me.

I give up, already.


11 posted on 02/14/2009 5:08:55 PM PST by gwilhelm56 (MULLAH OBAMA - which part of "Congress shall make no Law" - do you NOT UNDERSTAND??)
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To: John Semmens

Won’t be satire for long.


12 posted on 02/14/2009 5:28:51 PM PST by wastedyears (April 21st, 2009 - International Iron Maiden Day)
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To: reg45

What do yoiu expect form an empty suit with no redeaming qualities.

Supports the murder of the most innocent, takes tax payers money, money that could be better spent at home, and snds it to other countries to support his favorite charity the murder of the most innocent.

He would tell his own children to abort their own baby, his grandchild, if it were to slow them down or be a burden due to not being married.

WHAT A SPINELESS CREEP.


13 posted on 02/14/2009 5:32:47 PM PST by chiefqc
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To: John Semmens

0bama is Hillary’s b!tch.


14 posted on 02/14/2009 5:43:32 PM PST by LiberConservative
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To: pabianice

This is satire dangerously close to the truth.

I told my sister about it and she insisted there was nothing like this in the stimulus bill and if there was something like this, the republicans put it in.

I kept insisting it was there and she said “well why has it not been in the NY Times “,,her paper she reads.

She said the AMerican Public would be marching on DC if this were true,,amazing they aren’t but then most of them don’t know.


15 posted on 02/14/2009 5:46:08 PM PST by cajungirl (no)
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To: John Semmens
governmental healthcare triage...
16 posted on 02/14/2009 5:54:27 PM PST by Chode (American Hedonist -)
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To: John Semmens
Can't wait until my Dem Den at work finds out about this. I am 57 and overweight and conservative. They will kill me at the first opportunity. They will kill my mother soon. To think I served to protect these people.
17 posted on 02/14/2009 6:06:46 PM PST by Nuc1 (NUC1 Sub pusher SSN 668 (Liberals Aren't Patriots))
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To: John Semmens

Tommy Daschle

18 posted on 02/14/2009 6:26:49 PM PST by smokingfrog (Is it just my imagination, or is the water in this pot getting a little too hot?)
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To: John Semmens

Another hit out of the ballpark John. Thanks for the chuckle.

As some have said here, it probably won’t be satire for long at the rate things are going with the Obama Carnival and Magic show.


19 posted on 02/14/2009 6:59:52 PM PST by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, Call 'em what you will, they ALL have Fairies livin' in their Trees.)
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To: John Semmens

John, outstanding as usual. Can I have a cyber autograph for when you hit syndication?

LOL ;)PaMom


20 posted on 02/14/2009 8:04:16 PM PST by PennsylvaniaMom (The Joy of Six :))
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To: cajungirl

I also have one of those clueless lefty sisters, they brainwashed her at UC Berkeley and she’s never been the same since. Frustrating, isn’t it, in your own family?


21 posted on 02/14/2009 9:57:01 PM PST by baa39 (Mater Dei, ora pro nobis.)
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To: John Semmens

John: I trust your continued investigation on this Socialized Medicine matter will include Hillary Clinton’s proposal that all children be conceived by “IVF” so as to take away the taint of male superiority and substitute a more fair distribution of sperm in a “pay for play” reversal of “play for pay”. It is unconsciable that one woman have to bear 14 children in a selfless act of consuming tax payer dollars, even as these ethical scientific advances are being overshadowed by normal procreation efforts. It is time to put a stop to stuff.


22 posted on 02/15/2009 1:13:57 PM PST by sodpoodle (Democrat - means never having to pay your taxes)
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To: John Semmens

Reality gets closer and closer to your satire every day, doesn’t it?

Regrettably, if this keeps up you may need to find a new hobby.


23 posted on 02/17/2009 6:55:21 AM PST by WayneS (Respect the 2nd Amendment; Repeal the 16th)
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