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EPA Preparing to Regulate Carbon Dioxide Emissions
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 21 Feb 2009 | John Semmens

Posted on 02/25/2009 9:02:59 AM PST by John Semmens

Lisa Jackson, the Environmental Protection Agency’s new administrator, confirmed that her agency is working on regulations to try to eliminate carbon dioxide emissions.

“Carbon dioxide has been linked to global warming,” Jackson asserted. “It must be controlled and, ultimately, eliminated if we are to save the planet.”

Jackson was adamant that no source of emissions would be overlooked. “Even small emissions from a single source can amount to a major problem if multiplied,” she said. “Every breathing being emits carbon dioxide. This adds up when 300 million inhabitants of the United States all do it.”

The EPA is reportedly drafting rules that would mandate an “emissions inventory assessment” for every man, woman, and child in the country. A series of permits would then be required based on the estimated quantity of carbon dioxide attributed to each responsible party. Respiratory permits are expected to be based on body mass. Ownership of fossil fuel powered devices would be another source of liability for purchasing permits.

“A silver lining in this is that it would encourage a healthier lifestyle,” Jackson contended. “Trimming excess weight would lower your permit cost. Aborting that unnecessary addition to your family won’t only, as Speaker Pelosi says, help with the President’s stimulus package, it would also relieve you of having to buy another emission permit. Ditching your car and taking the bus would get you out of paying for a vehicle emission permit. We can reshape the way Americans live while improving the environment. It’s a win-win situation.”

(Excerpt) Read more at azconservative.org ...


TOPICS: Health/Medicine; Humor; Politics; Weather
KEYWORDS: co2; environment; regulations; satire

1 posted on 02/25/2009 9:03:00 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

***snicker*** (until it comes true).


2 posted on 02/25/2009 9:05:59 AM PST by TADSLOS (Come and Take it!)
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To: John Semmens

Almost missed the “semi-satire”....

But it would not surprise me that the EPA’s new director, or any “Church of Gore” leftist, is stupid enough to want to outlaw CO2 and eliminate it. Needless to say, it would kill every plant on the planet.

That whole photosynthesis thing.

Luckily, it was just “semi” satire. But the best humor is based on truth (no matter how outlandish the statements of the leftist).

That said, a certain lost leftist (more than usual) demanded that NASA’s Mars Rovers take pictures of the “flag we left there” in 1969. As stupid as that was, she actually was serious. So more outlandish comments by leftists, sadly, may soon not be satire, but policy.

Oh, wait... they are!


3 posted on 02/25/2009 9:15:35 AM PST by M1Tanker (Proven Daily: Modern "progressive" liberalism is just National Socialism without the "twisted cross")
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To: John Semmens; All
The following is 100% fact:

There is no evidence that CO2 has ever caused significant warming on Earth, at least not when the concentrations were within 10-15 times of what they are today. Water vapor is, by far, the most important greenhouse gas in the Earth system. Water vapor accounts for about 95% of the greenhouse effect on Earth. -etl

THE ACQUITTAL OF CARBON DIOXIDE
by Jeffrey A. Glassman, PhD

ABSTRACT:

"Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere [historically] is the product of oceanic respiration due to the well-known but under-appreciated solubility pump. Carbon dioxide rises out of warm ocean waters where it is added to the atmosphere. There it is mixed with residual and accidental CO2, and circulated, to be absorbed into the sink of the cold ocean waters. Next the thermohaline circulation carries the CO2-rich sea water deep into the ocean. A millennium later it appears at the surface in warm waters, saturated by lower pressure and higher temperature, to be exhausted back into the atmosphere. Throughout the past 420 millennia, comprising four interglacial periods, the Vostok record of atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration is imprinted with, and fully characterized by, the physics of the solubility of CO2 in water, along with the lag in the deep ocean circulation.

Notwithstanding that carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, atmospheric carbon dioxide has neither caused nor amplified global temperature increases. Increased carbon dioxide has been an effect of global warming, not a cause. Technically, carbon dioxide is a lagging proxy for ocean temperatures. When global temperature, and along with it, ocean temperature rises, the physics of solubility causes atmospheric CO2 to increase.

If increases in carbon dioxide, or any other greenhouse gas, could have in turn raised global temperatures, the positive feedback would have been catastrophic. While the conditions for such a catastrophe were present in the Vostok record from natural causes, the runaway event did not occur. Carbon dioxide does not accumulate in the atmosphere."

http://www.rocketscientistsjournal.com/2006/10/co2_acquittal.html
_______________________________________________________________

The graph above represents temperature and CO2 levels over the past 400,000 years. It is the same exact data Al Gore and the rest of the man-made global warmers refer to. The blue line is temps, the red, CO2 levels. The deep valleys represent 4 separate glaciation/ice-age periods. Look carefully at this historical relationship between temps and CO2 levels (the present is on the right hand side of the graph) and keep in mind that Gore claims this data is the 'proof' that CO2 has warmed the earth in the past. But does the data indeed show this? Nope. In fact, rising CO2 levels all throughout this 400,000-year period actually *followed* temperature increases -lagging behind by an average of 800 years! So it couldn't have been CO2 that got Earth out of these past glaciations. Yet Gore continually and dishonestly claims otherwise. Furthermore, the subsequent CO2 level increases due to dissolved CO2 being released from warming oceans, never did lead to additional warming, the so-called "run-away greenhouse effect" that Al Gore and his friends keep warning us about. In short, there is little if any evidence that CO2 had ever led to increased warming, at least not when the levels were within 10-15 times of what they are today. -etl
_______________________________________________________________


"The above chart shows the range of global temperature through the last 500 million years. There is no statistical correlation between the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere through the last 500 million years and the temperature record in this interval. In fact, one of the highest levels of carbon dioxide concentration occurred during a major ice age that occurred about 450 million years ago [Myr]. Carbon dioxide concentrations at that time were about 15 times higher than at present." [also see 180 million years ago, same thing happened]:
http://www.tcsdaily.com/article.aspx?id=010405M
_______________________________________________________________

So, greenhouse [effect] is all about carbon dioxide, right?

Wrong. The most important players on the greenhouse stage are water vapor and clouds [clouds of course aren't gas, but high level ones do act to trap heat from escaping, while low-lying cumulus clouds tend to reflect sunlight and thereby help cool the planet -etl]. Carbon dioxide has been increased to about 0.038% of the atmosphere (possibly from about 0.028% pre-Industrial Revolution) while water in its various forms ranges from 0% to 4% of the atmosphere and its properties vary by what form it is in and even at what altitude it is found in the atmosphere.

In simple terms the bulk of Earth's greenhouse effect is due to water vapor by virtue of its abundance. Water accounts for about 90% of the Earth's greenhouse effect -- perhaps 70% is due to water vapor and about 20% due to clouds (mostly water droplets), some estimates put water as high as 95% of Earth's total tropospheric greenhouse effect (e.g., Freidenreich and Ramaswamy, 'Solar Radiation Absorption by Carbon Dioxide, Overlap with Water, and a Parameterization for General Circulation Models,' Journal of Geophysical Research 98 (1993):7255-7264).

The remaining portion comes from carbon dioxide, nitrous oxide, methane, ozone and miscellaneous other 'minor greenhouse gases.' As an example of the relative importance of water it should be noted that changes in the relative humidity on the order of 1.3-4% are equivalent to the effect of doubling CO2.

http://www.junkscience.com/Greenhouse/
_______________________________________________________________

Water Vapor Rules the Greenhouse System

Water vapor constitutes Earth's most significant greenhouse gas, accounting for about 95% of Earth's greenhouse effect (4). Interestingly, many 'facts and figures' regarding global warming completely ignore the powerful effects of water vapor in the greenhouse system, carelessly (perhaps, deliberately) overstating human impacts as much as 20-fold.

Water vapor is 99.999% of natural origin. Other atmospheric greenhouse gases, carbon dioxide (CO2), methane (CH4), nitrous oxide (N2O), and miscellaneous other gases (CFC's, etc.), are also mostly of natural origin (except for the latter, which is mostly anthropogenic).

Human activities contribute slightly to greenhouse gas concentrations through farming, manufacturing, power generation, and transportation. However, these emissions are so dwarfed in comparison to emissions from natural sources we can do nothing about, that even the most costly efforts to limit human emissions would have a very small-- perhaps undetectable-- effect on global climate.

http://www.geocraft.com/WVFossils/greenhouse_data.html
_______________________________________________________________

Water Vapor Confirmed As Major Player In Climate Change

ScienceDaily (Nov. 18, 2008) — Water vapor is known to be Earth's most abundant greenhouse gas, but the extent of its contribution to global warming has been debated. Using recent NASA satellite data, researchers have estimated more precisely than ever the heat-trapping effect of water in the air, validating the role of the gas as a critical component of climate change.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/11/081117193013.htm

4 posted on 02/25/2009 9:21:39 AM PST by ETL (ALL the Obama-commie connections at my FR Home page: http://www.freerepublic.com/~etl/)
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To: John Semmens

Ok Everyone on the planet....one....two.....three...stop breathing.


5 posted on 02/25/2009 9:25:30 AM PST by sniper63 (Silent and stealthy - one shot - one kill)
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To: John Semmens
Lisa Jackson...WOW, if it's impossible to just know someone's incompetent just by looking at them..

It's official, we have nearly an entire government made up of affirmative action benefactors.

6 posted on 02/25/2009 9:31:24 AM PST by riri
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To: John Semmens

so long as the regulation requires all 535 members of Congress to hold their breath during the entire time they’re in session, I’m all for it!


7 posted on 02/25/2009 9:37:55 AM PST by Buckeye McFrog
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To: John Semmens

The weird thing is satire like this is beginning to close the gap with what passes for reality, considering the government is setting about how to measure and capture the gas emitted from cow flatulence. Nothing... NOTHING this current bilge pit we call our government does would surprise me.


8 posted on 02/25/2009 9:59:50 AM PST by ScottinVA (Make my world PURRRFECT, Lord Obama!)
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To: sniper63
Ok Everyone on the planet....one....two.....three...stop breathing.

I did, weren't you paying attention? Of course, not being so foolish as to being a member of the HEM (Human Elimination Movement), I did resume after 60 seconds. MAybe if we all took shifts in our breathing... Nah, I've got a better idea.

Everyone of these know-better-than-the-rest-of-us zealots should be euthanized immediately upon identification. Thus they no longer have to worry about the problem and they have made maximum contribution towards the solution. /sarc

9 posted on 02/25/2009 10:09:07 AM PST by SES1066 (Cycling to conserve, Conservative to save, Saving to Retire, will Retire to Cycle.)
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To: John Semmens

Hey John...Wink, wink...


10 posted on 02/25/2009 10:09:44 AM PST by Sacajaweau (I'm planting corn...Have to feed my car.)
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To: John Semmens; Genesis defender; proud_yank; FrPR; enough_idiocy; Desdemona; rdl6989; Little Bill; ..
 




Beam me to Planet Gore !

11 posted on 02/25/2009 10:43:37 AM PST by steelyourfaith (How many face lifts were required before the Speaker began speaking from her anal orifice?)
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