The Stones sing "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"
The shepherd yells "Hey, MacCloud, get off of my ewe!"
ping!
A modern nun catches a traditional nun in a bar. The modern one asked the other nun, “Why do you come in here and drink? The other sister said, “I just can`t get rid of the habit.”
A 440 dasher was reprimanded by the coach for racing with his lucky bird on his shoulder. “You can`t have your heats and cockatoo.”
The Blond says, meet me at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
It isn't a pun and to be honest, I'm not really sure it's a joke, but what the heck.
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
bflr
ping
A stolen roan gathers no cost.
Ben Franklin once said:
“A penny earned is a penny redistributed.”
Those puns are so lame that the person(s) who chose them should be arrested and tried. It would be a no pun and shut case.
I heard #9 about 4 or 5 years ago, but the punch line was “super calloused fragile mystic with expert halitosis”...
Personally I liked #5 the best.
True story
My friends and I were going to the mall after lunch and spent a few min looking for a decent parking spot. We found one close to the entrance but it was rather unusual due to the cars that surround the parking space.
To the right was a dark blood red car. In front of it was a red truck. To the left was another smoky red car and in front of us was a dark red station wagon.
To which my friend gasped and exclaimed in a pained voice .... “Oh no, we’re marooned!”
bump
A man was walking with his wife in a park when they came upon a large Koi pond with a wooden bridge over it.
He turned to his wife and said, “Oh look, honey. A bridge over the river Koi!”
What did the duck say to the prostitute?
“Just put it on my bill!”
The Yankees were playing there dreaded rivals, the Red Sox, for the league championship. The Red Sox had their ace pitcher, 20 game winner and league MVP, Mel Famey, on the mound.
Things did not go well for the Sox. Famey, normally a pitcher with pinpoint control, walked 9 batters, including the Yanks’ winning run in the ninth.
After the game, the Yanks’ manager was asked if he had any idea why Famey was so wild.
“I know for a fact Mel was out drinking beer last night,” said the Yanks manager.
The reporter responded, “Mel drinks every night before a game. Why should last night be any different?”
“Because,” said the manager,”this time he drank Schlitz, and everyone knows that Schlitz is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us.”
A few scripture puns (groan away!):
What kind of car did God drive?
A Plymoth – God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in His Fury.
What was the fist recorded auto accident recorded in history?
Saul drove his Javelin into the wall.
King David’s motorcycle?
The roar of David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
What kind of car did the apostles drive?
A Honda – the apostles were all together in one Accord. (had to be kinda crowded)