[IrishCatholic]

Thank you, I will be practicing number 9 all night in preparation of using it on the missus tomorrow.

[FrdmLvr]

Yes I’m positive. LOL!

[Charles Henrickson]

A good pun is its own reword.

[firebrand]

A mushroom was trying to pick up a date in a bar. He told her, “You should go out with me. I’m a fungi.”

[Fiddlstix]

FYI
Ping

ROFL!

[TruthHound]

Where did the seaweed find a job?

.

.

.

.

.

.

The kelp wanted ads.

[bgill]

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!

[Fast Moving Angel]

Use a pun, go to prison.

[Erasmus]

My girlfriend was supposed to come up on the Amtrak to meet me this weekend, but she took ill with some kind of feminine problem and had to stay in bed.

It just goes to show...

Yeast is yeast,
And rest is rest,
And never the train shall meet.

[Erasmus]

Rudolf: “Look, Tasha, it’s raining across the square on the Kremlin.”

Natasha: “No, Rudolf, silly. That’s not rain, it’s snow!”

Rudolf: “Rain, Tasha.”

Natasha: “Snow, Rudolf!”

Rudolf: “Listen; Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.”

[Mister Muggles]

Buddhist monk to hot dog vendor, “One with everything, please.”

[Attention Surplus Disorder]

Pretty good! 7, 9, 10. +++

[jessduntno]

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Where’s my change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, “Change must come from within."

[FrdmLvr]

This isn’t a pun, but it’s close:
A woman walks into a hardware store for some latches for her gate. As she waits for the clerk to ring up the purchase she spots a deluxe coffee maker on the shelf behind him and asks how much it is. He tells her the price, and she decides it’s too much. The clerk begins to ring up the latches and says “Do you wanna screw for these latches?” and she says “No, but I will for the coffee pot.”

[bethtopaz]

Thanks, smoking frog. I’ve been so perturbed about BO and the tyranny in our government this past week. I needed a couple of really good laughs.

[Yaelle]

I like #1, 2, and 4!

[tophat9000]

What did the Dem voter say when a year later they saw that country was heading in a very wrong direction?

Boy I did "Nazi" this coming...

[Atom Smasher]

Thanks for this. Man I sure needed the laugh!

[llevrok]

I played football with a guy named John who was huge. He weighed 300 pounds - and that was in high school.

After he graduated, he met the love of his life. Her name was Edith.

They became quite serious and John told me he wanted to marry Edith but she was not looking to be a young widow due to his heavy weight and refused.

I told him if he really loved her, he'd have to lose weight. "It's simple, John. You can't have your cake and Edith too."

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Rene Descartes was sitting at a bar. The bartender came over and asked if he would like another drink. He replied, “I think not.” And he vanished.