Posted on 11/29/2010 3:26:07 PM PST by PJ-Comix
William Rivers Pitt has vowed to quit smoking. Since he made this pledge yesterday in this THREAD, "I. Am. Trying. To. Quit. Smoking." it means he has probably already relapsed and is sucking up the cancer fumes like a hungry vacuum. Pitt's unhealthy smoking habits have already been the subject of a DUFU EDITION last year when it was noticed that his vocal chords are being eaten away by nicotine which will most likely lead to a hole in the throat operation. You can HEAR just how deteriorated Pitt's throat was which was so raspy back then that I figure that by now he is only about a thousand packs away from getting that hole in his throat. Since Pitt smokes at least 3 packs per day, that gives him only another year until his date with that throat hole. The good news for Pitt, is that after his operation, he will have a "hole" new career as a SINGING COWBOY. So let us now watch Pitt as he desperately tries to quit tobacco in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, whose lungs remain as pinkly pure as that of an innocent Mormon, is in the [brackets]:
I. Am. Trying. To. Quit. Smoking.
[You. Have. Already. Relapsed.]
After. 20. Years.
[So despite ALL the warnings on every pack of cigarettes you JUST NOW have decided to quit smoking after all these years? What caused the need to quit? Hearing the sound of your own voice which have been eaten away by cancerous fumes?]
I. Am. Officially. An. Insane. Person. Now.
[You. Were. Officially. Insane. Long. Ago.]
Need. Lounge. Vibes. Desperately.
[Let's drop the pretenses. You need a CANCER STICK right now! Light 'er up and suck down those unhealthy fumes! Inhale deeply and hold it in your lungs until the smoke permeates every last pore.]
Must. Now. Go. Outside. And. Gnaw. Down. Trees. Like. A. Beaver.
[Like. A. Li'l. Beaver.]
Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh.
[We pause now as Pitt coughs up cancerous phlegm which drools down his shirt.]
(and the weirdest part is that I'm coughing now more than I ever did when I smoked...and you don't want to know what I'm coughing up...bleh...)
[Let me guess. Chunks of diseased lungs?]
(...sorry, TMI...)
(...bleh...)
[Bleh! Heh! Heh! Heh! And now to the rest of the DUmmies...]
Patch - cheap one at the grocery store. I have made two more attempts this month. This weekend I had 3 smokes from Thursday to this morning. The patch works. You do have to get over the "Taking a break" aspect of smoking and the dreams you have if you wear it at night can be beyond VIVID. I am having some today and then quitting tomorrow for good.
[So 3 tries this month and you relapsed 3 times in your latest attempt just since Thursday. Not exactly a great track record there yet you somehow think you will quit for good tomorrow. I smell RELAPSE here for sure.]
There is always the substitution method. Exercise, heroin, crack...weed, shock therapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, bungee jumping, running, tabata, etcetera.
[Pitt can do the weed, heroin and crack part for sure.]
I quit 15 years ago but I had help. I think it's called Chantix now.
[Are you sure it isn't called Crack now?]
Chantrix scares me. My friend's brother is an airline pilot, and the FAA banned the stuff for any working pilots. If you have even a whiff of a psychological imbalance, that stuff has the potential to send you pinwheeling.
[Which means you would be pinwheeling up the walls, Pitt, and screaming about the rise of the Third American Empire.]
You can do it! You will cough up horrible stuff for many days, but you will get through.
[Pitt coughs up horrible stuff whenever he posts his overlong TruthOut columns.]
Best of luck! You will thank yourself in 20 years when you are still alive and breathing!
[...Through your throat hole.]
good luck -- it's not easy but if you make it -- oy -- will you have something to crow about. -- it's a big deal.
[Pitt had more than his share of crow to eat following May 12, 2006.]
The last cigarette I had was...Sept. 13, 2010, haven't had one since. I know, I know I'm a newbie, but I figured I'd tell you what helped me. Pretzel rods,
[Chewing on Pretzel rods? Is that you Ben Burch?]
On a side note, quitting pot is much easier, so maybe switch to that for awhile.
[And if that doesn't work, maybe switch to crack.]
My goddaughter made it a day and a half until this afternoon before getting another pack.
[She probably beat Pitt's endurance record.]
Good luck, Will. Quit on Inauguration Day after 15 years of smoking.
[Ironically the Inauguration Day of a president who CAN'T quit smoking.]
Mel
PING!
Politics aside, I send best wishes to anybody who quits or is trying to quit.
But when will he quit smoking crack?
Maybe Benburch can help Dear Will with his oral fixation.
Quit Jul 1999.
Its hard, good luck though I despise him!
ZOMG! I was in in 10!
When he dies from bad crack, like Arafat.
*groan*
Who is he?
Will Pitt
It appears that WRP’s money is steadily leaking into my brokerage account. Where, among other things, it is used to fund conservative causes.
Interesting photo. Whoever’s standing next to him is WAY too close and appears to have his hand in Pitt’s front pocket.
That’s creepy.
Personal Story: I quit cold turkey in 1984 after 15 years of (at least) a-pack-a-day. I used the Scriptures and the Confessions (BOB1580) to get me through the pangs. Haven't touched one since (other than the occasional cigar which is not inhaled but "tasted"). Cigars are less than 1/month and ALWAYS with bourbon.
EEUUWWW...just noticed the hand-in-the-pocket routine!
September 1, 1971. Never smoked again.
Hey Pitt! Stay away from Bukowski’s. A drink and a smoke are too well matched for a quitter.
Please.Stop.Putting.A.Period.After.Every.Word.It.Makes.You.Look.Like.A.Jackass.
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