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HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
March 3, 2012

Posted on 03/03/2012 8:11:47 PM PST by NKP_Vet

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads ......

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: security; southern; system

1 posted on 03/03/2012 8:11:52 PM PST by NKP_Vet
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To: NKP_Vet

A nice loyal German Shepherd works great.

They are wonderful dogs in every respect.


2 posted on 03/03/2012 8:15:30 PM PST by dragnet2 (Diversion and evasion are tools of deceit)
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To: NKP_Vet

*chuckle*


3 posted on 03/03/2012 8:16:06 PM PST by berdie
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To: NKP_Vet

Git-R-Done!


4 posted on 03/03/2012 8:16:06 PM PST by FedsRStealingOurCountryFromUs
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To: NKP_Vet

http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/cute-puppy-pictures-dog-is-a-cheeseburger-security-system.jpg";>


5 posted on 03/03/2012 8:22:24 PM PST by garjog
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To: NKP_Vet

I know Cooter. He has a rib shack in a college town called Jacksonville, AL, where Jacksonville State University is. Small place. Good food. Gotta be the same Cooter. Not the one from Dukes.


6 posted on 03/03/2012 8:22:51 PM PST by RetiredArmy (POLITICIANS: Promise the moon. Deliver the shaft.)
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To: NKP_Vet
Ha. It's like when the wife and I went to the log and timber home show in Atlanta a couple of months ago - some sales lackey at a vendor booth asked if we had a home security system. I said, "Yeah, we do. It's got bullets in it, which go off when our two alarms start to bark."

"As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their hearts desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

--H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920


7 posted on 03/03/2012 8:23:15 PM PST by Viking2002
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To: garjog

8 posted on 03/03/2012 8:24:13 PM PST by garjog
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To: NKP_Vet
Sounds like my vehicle anti-theft system...


9 posted on 03/03/2012 8:25:37 PM PST by Joe 6-pack (Que me amat, amet et canem meum)
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To: NKP_Vet
I am a widow. I have never moved my husbands work boots from the back door for security reasons,and my comfort just seeing them there. I do live in the south.
10 posted on 03/03/2012 8:27:14 PM PST by Coldwater Creek (He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty Psalm 91:)
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To: RetiredArmy

Everybody in the South knows someone named Cooter. LOL!!!


11 posted on 03/03/2012 8:28:05 PM PST by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: NKP_Vet

The note assumes that the bad guys can read.


12 posted on 03/03/2012 8:28:42 PM PST by lurk
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To: lurk

13 posted on 03/03/2012 8:34:15 PM PST by umgud (No Rats, No Rino's)
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To: lurk
"The note assumes that the bad guys can read."

Crack an' jack pit den slit the pipe and split to da crib, yo.

Naaaa-mean?

14 posted on 03/03/2012 8:35:13 PM PST by NakedRampage (Puttin' the "stud" in Bible study)
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To: Coldwater Creek

Add a huge set of overalls next to the boots.

Ought to do.


15 posted on 03/03/2012 8:40:13 PM PST by Texas resident (Hunkered Down)
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To: Joe 6-pack

Is that their Kibble they’re protecting ?

Owner of two awesome chocolate labs and a St. Bernard.

My next pup will be an Alsatian.


16 posted on 03/03/2012 8:44:45 PM PST by onona (Dicky Betts is one ramblin man !)
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To: NKP_Vet
This sign works for me..... Photobucket
17 posted on 03/03/2012 8:57:11 PM PST by baddog 219
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To: NKP_Vet

I like the sign with a picture of a pistol that reads:

“We don’t call 911 - We use Smith & Wesson Security”


18 posted on 03/03/2012 9:02:31 PM PST by Windflier (To anger a conservative, tell him a lie. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth.)
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To: baddog 219

Son has a sign on the drive into his farm that says “IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU ARE WITHIN RANGE”.


19 posted on 03/03/2012 9:07:48 PM PST by Reo (the 4th Estate is a 5th Column)
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To: NKP_Vet

How do know my neighbors?


20 posted on 03/03/2012 9:39:54 PM PST by ForAmerica (Conservative Christian Black Man!)
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To: NKP_Vet

I tried that and found this message on my door:

“Listen up, Goober. The dogs musta been gone when I showed up so I left a little surprize for you. Friends of the Mailman.”


21 posted on 03/03/2012 9:45:49 PM PST by count-your-change (You don't have to be brilliant, not being stupid is enough.)
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To: NKP_Vet

First, catch you an alligator ....


22 posted on 03/03/2012 9:52:26 PM PST by reg45 (Barack 0bama: Implementing class warfare by having no class!)
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To: NKP_Vet
LOL!

That's just a typical yankee joke!

Southern people don't feel any need to advertise our personal choices regarding home security systems.

The uncertainty keeps both the thieves and the Sheriff under control.
To the thieves, we ask what does the Sheriff's opinion of the situation matter?
To the Sheriff we ask what thief are you talking about?

23 posted on 03/03/2012 10:10:08 PM PST by sarasmom ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xZsFe6dM3EY)
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To: Coldwater Creek

I don’t even know him...but i think he just smiled at ya!!!......God bless!


24 posted on 03/03/2012 10:34:43 PM PST by M-cubed
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To: Reo

That’s one of my bumperstickers.


25 posted on 03/04/2012 12:41:19 AM PST by ApplegateRanch (If any of their "Alternatives" actually works, the Greenies will proceed to kill it.)
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To: dragnet2

My son has a beagle that opens cans of dog food with his teeth. I’m positive he would see an intruder as another meal.


26 posted on 03/04/2012 12:41:50 AM PST by NTHockey (Rules of engagement #1: Take no prisoners)
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To: NKP_Vet
These make great window shades. Even better after the some use.

27 posted on 03/04/2012 12:48:14 AM PST by moehoward
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To: Georgia Girl 2

And Bubba. Lots and lots of Bubbas.


28 posted on 03/04/2012 5:29:27 AM PST by RetiredArmy (POLITICIANS: Promise the moon. Deliver the shaft.)
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To: baddog 219

You owe Mrs Magslinger an apology. My laughing woke her up.


29 posted on 03/04/2012 5:37:48 AM PST by magslinger (If I wanted to vote for a Commie I would vote for Obammie. He has a chance of winning.)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

“Everybody in the South knows someone named Cooter. LOL!!!”

I never did. Lots of Bubbas and even a Cletus but no Cooters.


30 posted on 03/04/2012 5:43:13 AM PST by dljordan ("Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered.")
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To: dljordan

I never did. Lots of Bubbas and even a Cletus but no Cooters.

I know of an Apple, large black guy who jumps out in front of cars on a 2 lane road for a ride to the store. Damn miracle that he’s still alive.


31 posted on 03/04/2012 6:00:43 AM PST by coolbreeze (giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teen-age boys.)
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To: baddog 219

Thorizine = Thorazine? ;)


32 posted on 03/05/2012 11:02:31 AM PST by bt_dooftlook (Democrats - the party of Amnesty, Abortion, and Adolescence)
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