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AutoZone Fires Employee Who Prevented Robbery
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Dec 2012 | John Semmens

Posted on 12/01/2012 2:17:23 PM PST by John Semmens

A clerk working in a Virginia AutoZone store thwarted an armed robber who is believed to have committed more than 30 hold-ups in retail establishments throughout the state. Bringing the thief to justice, however, has cost that clerk, Devin McClean, his job. Though the store manager credits McClean with saving his life, the clerk ran afoul of AutoZone's “zero tolerance” policy on guns in its stores.

AutoZone spokesman Curt Chretin explained that “It's a matter of corporate policy that the company feels very strongly about. Zero tolerance is simple and efficient. Rather than having corporate time and energy tied up trying to weigh the specifics of each incident on a case-by-case basis it is easier just to terminate anyone who violates the policy.”

“Consider that an attempt to evaluate a situation like this would entail numerous hours of effort gathering evidence, interviewing participants, and discussing options by high-ranking officers of the company. I think you can see that it would be uneconomical,” Chretin explained. “Why should the firm make such an investment to save the job of one minimum wage clerk when hiring a replacement is so cheap and easy?”

Chretin defended the zero tolerance policy as fair “because it applies equally to all employees and customers. I mean, it's not like we're saying it is okay for a robber to carry a gun into one of our stores. In fact, if he should somehow be apprehended it is also our company policy to permit any of our employees to take vacation leave to testify at any legal proceedings that may occur as a result of a robbery.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/123642-2012-11-30-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-december-2-2012.htm


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: crime; satire; zerotolerance

1 posted on 12/01/2012 2:17:29 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens; All

A business should never fire an employee in an act of self-defense...especially if it is a job that requires one to handle money or merchandise...and any criminal act committed against someone involves some aspect of self-defense

Buisness Socialists cheer-lead too much over businesses having more rights over their employees when it comes to defending oneself from crime....but no one should ever deny the right of someone to defend themselves...and losing employment over this is wrong

So, if the employee was injured or killed during the crime...is that OK with this business?


2 posted on 12/01/2012 2:29:37 PM PST by SeminoleCounty (Illegal Aliens do not pay Social Security...Employers do)
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To: SeminoleCounty

Right - like those store employees who were herded into a freezer then shot execution style.


3 posted on 12/01/2012 2:31:32 PM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church shows up at your funeral.)
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To: John Semmens

“Zero Tolerance” is stupid... but the policy is in response to discrimination lawsuits.

If a company employs a policy uniformly on all employees, all the time, it will make it much harder to argue that an employee lost his job due to racial discrimination, or what have you.


4 posted on 12/01/2012 2:32:45 PM PST by Arthurio
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To: John Semmens

You should have the cops stand up for the robber. :p


5 posted on 12/01/2012 2:34:14 PM PST by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: John Semmens

Just emailed their company with a protest letter. I hope this whole thing backfires on them.


6 posted on 12/01/2012 2:35:01 PM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church shows up at your funeral.)
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To: John Semmens

Never again will I darken the door of an Autozone store.


7 posted on 12/01/2012 2:38:24 PM PST by editor-surveyor (Freepers: Not as smart as I'd hoped they'd be)
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To: SkyDancer

Great policy: “Injustice for all.”

Courts could clear the backlogs and end delays: “You here, you guilty.”

Simple. Efficient.

Fair /s (however intellectually lazy)


8 posted on 12/01/2012 2:39:58 PM PST by OldArmy52 (The question is not whether Obama ever lies, but whether he ever tells the truth.)
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To: John Semmens

Never again will I darken the door of an Autozone store.


9 posted on 12/01/2012 2:40:42 PM PST by editor-surveyor (Freepers: Not as smart as I'd hoped they'd be)
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To: John Semmens

Never again will I darken the door of an Autozone store.


10 posted on 12/01/2012 2:40:52 PM PST by editor-surveyor (Freepers: Not as smart as I'd hoped they'd be)
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To: OldArmy52

‘zactly - you wouldn’t be here if you’re innocent.


11 posted on 12/01/2012 2:42:53 PM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church shows up at your funeral.)
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To: SkyDancer

Right - like those store employees who were herded into a freezer then shot execution style.


No chance to survive at all if self-defense is prohibited.


12 posted on 12/01/2012 2:57:07 PM PST by SeminoleCounty (Illegal Aliens do not pay Social Security...Employers do)
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To: John Semmens

I started my personal boycott of AutoZone last March when some regional AutoZone advertizers dropped Rush Limbaugh over the Sandra Fluke slut comment!


13 posted on 12/01/2012 2:59:19 PM PST by texican01
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To: SeminoleCounty

It’s getting harder and harder to use self-defense. You spend your life’s savings just to clear yourself in a SD shooting.


14 posted on 12/01/2012 3:00:24 PM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church shows up at your funeral.)
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To: John Semmens

I don’t understand the satire John. If my company ever instituted a no-defense policy I wouldn’t be there.


15 posted on 12/01/2012 3:00:24 PM PST by eyedigress ((zOld storm chaser from the west)/?)
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To: SkyDancer

I realize this is satire (though of course difficult to tell), but it seems to me a good homeowner’s insurance policy, particularly an Umbrella policy should cover that, at least folks outside the corporate world aka “citizens” or “residents”.


16 posted on 12/01/2012 3:11:53 PM PST by Freedom4US
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To: editor-surveyor
Never again will I darken the door of an Autozone store.

I have to agree with you, however I may make an exception some time, when I am carrying open.

17 posted on 12/01/2012 3:21:01 PM PST by c-b 1 (Reporting from behind enemy lines, in occupied AZTLAN.)
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To: SeminoleCounty
“Why should the firm make such an investment to save the job of one minimum wage clerk when hiring a replacement is so cheap and easy?”

this is the line that made me realize it was Semi-News, Semi-Satire...

18 posted on 12/01/2012 3:21:17 PM PST by latina4dubya ( self-proclaimed tequila snob)
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To: John Semmens

Aptly named spokesman....Chretin


19 posted on 12/01/2012 4:48:41 PM PST by mwilli20 (BO. Making communists proud all over the world.)
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To: John Semmens
OK, this is satire. But did the incident actually happen? Are the names of the individuals mentioned their real names?

Chretin sounds like a cretin.

20 posted on 12/01/2012 4:59:03 PM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: John Semmens

Though the store manager credits McClean with saving his life, the clerk ran afoul of AutoZone’s “zero tolerance” policy on guns in its stores.

Now, lets just say I’m a criminal. When I read that, where do you think I’m gonna be on my next robbery? Does this AutoZone no tolerance policy extend to me? I don’t think so...SUCKER.


21 posted on 12/01/2012 5:00:10 PM PST by chainsaw ("Two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by Obama")
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To: John Semmens

Chretin is a cretin. I can’t imagine firing an employee who intercepted a criminal in the act of theft, much less disparaging the same clerk as a ‘minimum wage clerk.’


22 posted on 12/01/2012 5:32:24 PM PST by ArmyTeach ( Videteco eos prius (See 'em first) Sculpin 191)
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To: John Semmens

In fact, if he should somehow be apprehended it is also our company policy to permit any of our employees to take vacation leave to testify at any legal proceedings that may occur as a result of a robbery.”

“....take vacation leave...”. Real classy organization to work or die for!


23 posted on 12/01/2012 6:14:12 PM PST by RetiredTexasVet (The law of unintended consequences is an unforgiving and vindictive b!tch!)
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To: John Semmens

Another good one John.


24 posted on 12/01/2012 8:18:29 PM PST by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

The employee needs to return the favor with a multimillion dollar lawsuit for the company having failed to take the necessary precautions to protect the employee from the threat to his life in the robbery, and having failed him they also fired him for protecting his own life. $25 million ought to solve the problem.


25 posted on 12/01/2012 8:28:41 PM PST by CodeToad (Liberals are bloodsucking ticks. We need to light the matchstick to burn them off.)
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To: John Semmens

Not much satire actually.

http://www.dailypress.com/news/top-list/dp-store-employee-fired-for-confronting-the-fake-beard-bandit-20121130,0,2869935.story#fbcomments


26 posted on 12/01/2012 10:46:55 PM PST by wolficatZ (Hey blue states....Got Food?)
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To: John Semmens
Zero tolerance is simple

Yes, it is simple; it is to simple.

Let me be clear about what I have just learned. When, perhaps I should say, if, I shop in an "AutoZone" store I am virtually guaranteed that no one working at AutoZone has any means or inclination to protect customers.

Just for pondering a bit I wonder how it would look if AutoZone’s most serious competitor were to hire the young man in question.

27 posted on 12/02/2012 7:24:47 AM PST by MosesKnows
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To: editor-surveyor
AMEN TO THAT. And that I won't darken Autozones door again. Advesion to Autozone actually began when the" we welcome EBT cards "appeared on their front door. Just goes to prove that self destructive behavior loves company. PS Autzone?: how is the low fruit on the shelves faring? ??????
28 posted on 05/02/2013 8:27:38 AM PDT by Recompennation (hang out your rob me now sign you've already got the audience)
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To: MosesKnows

Yes! I would hire him and welcome his concealed carry. “


29 posted on 05/02/2013 8:27:39 AM PDT by Recompennation (Keep the crook guessing, surprise gifts in the unexpected zone)
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