Fear And Loathing In Falls Church

Popehat ^ | January 4, 2014 | Patrick Non-White

[2ndDivisionVet]

The silver 2001 BMW 535i roared through Adams Morgan, occasionally screeching over the sidewalks as my accountant wrenched both hands from the wheel for another toke at the weed-pipe. "Gadzooks, man!" I shouted. "Can you keep it together for another fifteen miles, or at least outside the District limits?" We were halfway through our 35 mile journey from Bethesda to Falls Church, with enough dangerous narcotics to stun a grizzly bear in the trunk: We'd started with nine ounces of weed, six rocks of crack, a sugar jar full of blow, 36 vicodin tablets, a cage filled with live Bolivian arrow toads, and two jars of ketamine. Plus two quarts of Beefeater gin, a case of Schlitz malt liquor, and a four ounce ball of Afghan hash: Surely enough to get this pair of degenerate drug addicts to Fall's Church. After that what man could say?

[2ndDivisionVet]

Comments?

[La Lydia]

I have read Hunter Thompson, whose books I thought were absurd and depressing. He was a one-trick pony, and this writer has learned the trick. The article fails to shock.

[TADSLOS]

Crack, blow and hash. Reads like a typical night out with Obama and Reggie.

[gitmo]

A good defense of the WOD.

[central_va]

I thought Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was very funny.

[cloudmountain]

Crack, blow and hash. Reads like a typical night out with Obama and Reggie.

Why, there's NOTHING wrong with a little crack, blow and hash. And, oh no, pot is NOT a "gateway drug" and "I know lots and lots of people who toke and they are just fine."
Hah, I finally gave up with the pot argument...too many pot lovers on the FR.
Obama and Reggie are welcome to all that.
Somewhere in my teens I decided that I needed NO mind altering chemicals of any type, at all, for any reason.

Am I just lucky, grown up or smart?

[BlueCat]

I agree with you. I found it inspiring.

[cloudmountain]

Hahaha, I read it.
Someday they will be inmates in the local institution for addicts. They will probably REALLY enjoy:
1. napkin folding day
-- Diaper changing time
2. coloring book hour
-- Diaper changing time
3. cookie cooking time
-- Diaper changing time
4. daily nappy time
-- Diaper changing time
5. cartoon time on the boobtube and, last but not least,
--ooops, another diaper changing time first
6. Tootsie counting a la: This little piggie...
-- Diaper changing time.
-- Bedtime story
-- Diaper changing time

A wonderful, FULL day for those folks!

[golux]

The article is filled with errors. "Fall's Church with an apostrophe?" "The DC Correctional Facility for Narcotics Addicts?" Serious users vomiting?

Much more credible, and hilarious, was the sight yesterday of Pat "Patches" Kennedy - who actually crashed his Mustang into the White House not long ago - on CNN talking about the dangers of drug and alcohol impairment.

[greene66]

You’re not the only one. Going well back to my teen years, the LAST thing I ever had was a desire for was something that altered my brain or consciousness. Always struck me as a sign of weakness and/or weak character. Still does, actually.

[cloudmountain]

You’re not the only one. Going well back to my teen years, the LAST thing I ever had was a desire for was something that altered my brain or consciousness. Always struck me as a sign of weakness and/or weak character. Still does, actually.

The pot lovers here would heartily disagree with you in saying that your brain or consciousness was altered in a bad/negative way by pot. [No more negative waves, Moriarity!--M.A.S.H.]

I always thought it was a weakness or weak character too.
Still do. Thanks for the confirming words.
You got some guts...as well as brains.

[Alex Murphy]

We were halfway through our 35 mile journey from Bethesda to Falls Church, with enough dangerous narcotics to stun a grizzly bear in the trunk: We'd started with nine ounces of weed, six rocks of crack, a sugar jar full of blow, 36 vicodin tablets, a cage filled with live Bolivian arrow toads, and two jars of ketamine. Plus two quarts of Beefeater gin, a case of Schlitz malt liquor, and a four ounce ball of Afghan hash: Surely enough to get this pair of degenerate drug addicts to Fall's Church. After that what man could say?

"Shoot - a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all of that stuff!"

[flaglady47]

“Much more credible, and hilarious, was the sight yesterday of Pat “Patches” Kennedy - who actually crashed his Mustang into the White House not long ago - on CNN talking about the dangers of drug and alcohol impairment.”

That’s why Pat Kennedy was talking about the dangers of drug and alcohol impairment. Because he experienced it first hand and thus was a perfect example of the topic. Let’s not knock him for trying to stop others from doing what he did while impaired.

[golux]

Oh. Can I knock him for being a liar, a pansy, a fool, a priss, a wuss, a criminal? Maybe not, just as with papa.

[ifinnegan]

Gadzooks?

Yeah, this is realistic.

I’ve driven from Betehsda/Silver Springs over to Va many times so for that I’ll read it as well as seeing how well imitated is Thompson.

[ifinnegan]

I wouldn’t say it is a sign of weak character. It is a sign of a weakness or an emptiness.

At the same time, people who have never experienced drugs do not know how powerful the experience is.

[ifinnegan]

Ok comment.

This is way too much to have to know that this is some sort of satire take off on a David Brooks article in the NY Times about his youth and smoking pot.

I think anyone who knows the picture on the page is David Brooks should be disqualified from voting.

And reading or knowing about articles by Brooks or anyone associated with the NY Times on a regular basis is a criterion for brain death.

[Organic Panic]

Another day in the Choom gang hotbox.

[txhurl]

HST would be a TEA guy today.

He was RAT tea from the git-go.

[Kenny Bunk]

You are falsely assuming the author refers to "Falls Church" VA. Actually he is talking about Fall's Church, WV, pop. 13 n.b.: this idyllic spot became well known when it reported 2800 votes for Obama. Named after The Rev. Bubba Fall, his original log chapel still stands in the wildwood, now serving the community as a Obamacare Enrollment and Live Bait Facility.

I also must take umbrage with your doubts about the conversion to the ways of righteousness of Patches Kennedy. The crash was caused by neither alcohol abuse nor the use of non-prescriptive medications.

FYI, Right Wing Fanatic Wise Guy, the entire Kennedy Klan suffers from the heartbreak of Ataxia Hibernetica. A little-known genetic disease, it is cause by the toxic fumes given off by commonly used plastics in autombile steering wheels. When the warm hands of a Kennedy grip the steering wheel, (or ski poles,) the toxic fumes cause an intense allergic reaction in the brain, causing the Kennedy to crash into the nearest building or tree, a body of cool water, or a movie actress.

Patches is seeking federal funding for research. Your apology and contribution shall be gratefully accepted.