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Lawyers for Accused Boston Marathon Bomber Demand Charges Be Dropped [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 March 2015 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/03/2015 8:43:06 AM PST by John Semmens

Lawyers for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the person accused of complicity in the Boston Marathon bombing, are demanding that charges against their client be dropped.

“The law guarantees every person accused of a crime will be judged by a jury of his peers,” said Judith Mizner, lead attorney for the defense. “Mr. Tsarnaev’s peers are his fellow jihadis. None of them can set foot in the courtroom without fear of being arrested. Consequently, Mr. Tsarnaev’s fundamental civil right to a jury of his peers cannot be fulfilled. His indictment should be dismissed.”

The federal appeals court in Massachusetts, though, denied Mizner’s request. “Brought to its logical conclusion, the defense’s argument would insist that only criminals could sit on juries hearing criminal cases,” the Court wrote in rendering its ruling. “The ‘peers’ requirement is considered met as long as a jury can be randomly selected from a pool of citizens in the jurisdiction.”

The Court’s decision, though, was not unanimous. Judge Juan Torruella wrote in a dissent that “in light of the fact that the crime for which the defendant is being tried was a random attack in a public place, any member of the community may consider himself or herself a target. It is impossible to draw an unbiased jury from such a pool. Further, the crime is so notorious that it is unlikely that an untainted jury pool can be found within the United States. The request to dismiss the indictment and switch the venue to the Islamic State should have been granted.”

In related news, Benjamin Wagner, U.S. Attorney for California’s Eastern District, averred that “an anti-Muslim backlash is, in the Administration’s view, a greater threat than terrorism itself. Our best estimate is that about 150 Americans have joined ISIL. In contrast, there are around 300 million guns in the hands of private citizens in this country. A significant percentage of these armed citizens are likely to harbor ill will toward President Obama. Dealing with this clearly has to take precedence over worrying about the comparatively smaller risk we face from Muslim extremists.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://theconservativecitizen.com/2015/03/01/semi-newssemi-satire-8/


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics; Religion
KEYWORDS: islamist; lawyers; satire; terror

1 posted on 03/03/2015 8:43:06 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Joker Tsarnaev would have had a job instead of Jihad if only the evil Koch brothers had offered him a well-paying job.


2 posted on 03/03/2015 8:51:30 AM PST by Uncle Miltie
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