Posted on 11/10/2017 6:49:36 AM PST by w1n1
In this violent world where most of us aren’t badasses, there is a need for an equalizer. Yes, I definetly would carry my Glock. But for the folks that are into self-defense gadgets there are tons. For this piece we look at the inventions of idiots during peacetime, the obvious results are entertaining to would be robbers.
Here are the 4 dumbest self-defense gadgets patents that never made the “A” team:
Self-Defense Memo Pad – Patent #5,823,572
This may be the Kubotan on the cheap, used as an impact weapon to thwart off the bad guy. One look at this and even the disembodied mugger’s head seems confused by this invention. The inventor appears to believe that the only problem with using a notepad as a weapon is that it’s too hard to hold, which should give us some idea of his motor skills.
Not only this is a useless weapon, it’s actually counter productive as a notepad, assuming you don’t want everyone you leave a note for to know they can just beat you up. The patent also suggests that the memos are useful for jotting down a description of your attacker, which is so likely, we’re surprised they don’t suggest that you also sketch the criminal’s getaway unicorn.
Revolver Flick-Bayonet– Patent #946,132
The inventor of this may be thinking of the swiss army knife concept with a blend of psychologically deterring the bad guy. Enter Henry H. Hull of Ohio designer of this revolver with a switchblade contraption. He probably never fired a gun before. Because attaching extra weight to the end of the barrel is worse for your aim than drinking a bottle of tequila. Worse, it’s not an attachment for existing revolvers.
The Key Whip – Patent #4,460,170
We believe this sketch qualifies as astonishingly realistic inside the ad section of a comic book. It’s amazing that anyone would think this would work in reality, unless they are trained in Wushu. Also, the knife-wielding assailant moves exactly as much as he would if you really patted his chest with a bunch of keys. The female Tomb Raider whipper is visibly bored with this low life, a necessary condition justifying the use of this weapon within their continuum of force. Read the rest and full description of the 4 dumbest self-defense gadgets here. What other dumb gadgets have you all come across?
Anything is better than nothing.
The Key Whip – Patent #4,460,170
The target is a little high.
Remember use a bunch of fake keys because the victim still has to open the car door.
Dumb ideas indeed. But at least they recognize that the victim has the right to fight back. As opposed to Great Britain:
Question (on a UK police website): Are there any legal self defence products that I can buy?
Answer: The only fully legal self defence product at the moment is a rape alarm. These are not expensive and can be bought from most local police stations or supermarkets.
https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q589.htm
Imagine being jumped from behind, your situational awareness failed and you’re totally caught off guard.
As you struggle for your tactical notepad, in between blows to the head, you accidentally grab a soft cover copy of 2016 crime statistics. Just before losing consciousness you realize the irony of the situation. . .
Never bring a tactical notepad to a mugging. Go big - hardcover copy of War & Peace. Don’t make me go all Tolstoy on yow ass!
If a mugger comes after you and you have that for your concealed carry, and if you have time to start your chainsaw (preferably on the first try and without accidentally bumping the trigger), it's game over for any number of bad guys, whether close in or at long range.
The 4th one is a log purse. Clearly inspired by Twin Peaks or perhaps, that’s where Twin Peaks got the inspiration!
So, you posted 3. What’s the fourth?
I'd rather have it, than a "Tactical Notepad", or whatever.
Back in the day, I knew a “cowboy” couple. The wife had a purse made from an armadillo, which apparently was used as backup in bar fights.
The tactical notepad could cause some nasty paper cuts. Tear off the sheets and throw them like fighting stars. LOL.
Beat me to it. I shake my head every time I hear this worthless product advertised.
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