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SATIRE Chick-Fil-A Now Open On Sunday But Only For Black People
Babylon Bee ^ | 06/19/2020

Posted on 06/19/2020 4:29:24 PM PDT by DFG

Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy announced yesterday that his fast-food restaurant will be ending its long-standing policy on Sunday closure, but only for black people.

"We are leading the way towards racial reconciliation in this country," Cathy said. "And everyone knows the best way to achieve racial reconciliation is to segregate black people and make them feel as awkward as possible. Chick-fil-A is dedicated to providing the blacks with a safe space so that they can be properly honored."

Chick-fil-A will be providing racial justice training for all its employees. Sunday employees will all be required to wear traditional African Kente cloths as they serve food in the dining room. They will also offer to shine customer's sneakers for free as they eat. Most notably, there will also be a change to the traditional polite phrase uttered by every Chick-fil-A employee after their sacrificial acts of lovingkindness. When addressing white people, workers will still say "my pleasure!" When addressing people of color, workers will now say "my privilege!" while kneeling respectfully.

Further changes will be seen during the rest of the week as well. Dining rooms will be rearranged to provide a separate place of honor for minorities to sit. They will also be provided with separate bathrooms and drinking fountains. Chick-fil-A leadership insists that this new "separate and more equal" policy will make their restaurants bright shining beacons of racial reconciliation for the world to emulate.

"Chick-fil-A will always be a kind and welcoming place for the blacks, the Chinamen, and those people who wear that red dot on their foreheads," Cathy said. "Just please don't steal the sauces and we'll be cool. Or if you want to steal the sauces, that's ok too. We honor you."

Cathy also apologized for serving white meat and promised more diversity in the future.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; cathy; chickfila; satire; shinebox; shineshoes; sunday
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1 posted on 06/19/2020 4:29:24 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

So close to being true, it is scary.


2 posted on 06/19/2020 4:30:36 PM PDT by Hulka
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To: DFG

saw the headline and said WTF


3 posted on 06/19/2020 4:31:28 PM PDT by manc ( If they want so called marriage equality then they should support polygamy too.)
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To: DFG

Remember back when the Babylon Bee was more funny and less true? Good times.


4 posted on 06/19/2020 4:32:07 PM PDT by cdcdawg (Paleoconservatives were right about literally everything.)
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To: DFG

They also kiss their ass with every meal.


5 posted on 06/19/2020 4:32:26 PM PDT by Kozak (DIVERSITY+PROXIMITY=CONFLICT)
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To: DFG

Was going to make a free shoeshine included with every purchase joke, but I see the Bee beat me to it.


6 posted on 06/19/2020 4:33:07 PM PDT by Stravinsky
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To: DFG

Another corporate suicide


7 posted on 06/19/2020 4:33:35 PM PDT by Fledermaus (ONLY A MORON THINKS 6 FEET IS A MAGIC NUMBER!)
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To: DFG

The Babylon is a busy BEE.


8 posted on 06/19/2020 4:33:48 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: DFG

I went thru the drive thru this afternoon and couldn’t resist. I had to ask where their shoeshine stand was.

They apparently got the joke since the guy laughed.


9 posted on 06/19/2020 4:35:14 PM PDT by LeoTDB69
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To: Hulka

Give it a week or two.


10 posted on 06/19/2020 4:36:43 PM PDT by wally_bert (Transmission tone, Selma.)
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To: Fledermaus
Another corporate suicide

Please tell me you're not serious.

11 posted on 06/19/2020 4:37:33 PM PDT by COBOL2Java (Hillary Clinton: Just like Joe with only half the dementia.)
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To: Fledermaus

Are you serious you know this is not real right?


12 posted on 06/19/2020 4:38:55 PM PDT by manc ( If they want so called marriage equality then they should support polygamy too.)
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To: COBOL2Java

I am serious. I know it’s the Bee but it’s based on CFA CEO saying we should shine blacks shoes.

Try and keep up.


13 posted on 06/19/2020 4:39:51 PM PDT by Fledermaus (ONLY A MORON THINKS 6 FEET IS A MAGIC NUMBER!)
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To: manc

Read post 13


14 posted on 06/19/2020 4:40:23 PM PDT by Fledermaus (ONLY A MORON THINKS 6 FEET IS A MAGIC NUMBER!)
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To: DFG

But I’ll bet you can get a chicken sandwich if you bring your shoe shine kit and park it at the front door with a big “I kneel for minorities” grin on your face.


15 posted on 06/19/2020 4:40:44 PM PDT by RoosterRedux
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To: COBOL2Java; manc

This isn’t real, but Dan Cathy said White people should shine Black people’s shoes to help atone for slavery.


16 posted on 06/19/2020 4:45:50 PM PDT by EEGator
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To: DFG

They best install some shoe-shine stands too.


17 posted on 06/19/2020 4:46:14 PM PDT by mass55th ("Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." ~~ John Wayne)
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To: Kozak

And shine their shoes. Disgusting.


18 posted on 06/19/2020 4:46:20 PM PDT by HighSierra5
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Comment #19 Removed by Moderator

To: DFG

The CEO is one pathetic excuse for a man. I read the article in Breitbart and almost vomited.


20 posted on 06/19/2020 4:49:02 PM PDT by HighSierra5
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